The Impeccable word "Understanding"

[00:00:00] Welcome to The Season of Self Love, your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement.

[00:00:05] I'm your host, Nyomi Banks, and I am thrilled to be here with you today.

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[00:01:06] All right, good morning, good evening, good afternoon, my lovely people.

[00:01:14] It is Thursday, May 30th, 2024.

[00:01:19] And welcome to The Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:01:22] I am your host, Naomi Banks.

[00:01:24] And today we are diving deep into a word that is so

[00:01:26] pivotal to our growth and relationships, and that's understanding.

[00:01:31] So as part of our month long focus on using our words impeccably,

[00:01:36] we explore how cultivating and understanding can transform our interaction and

[00:01:40] enhance our journey of self love.

[00:01:43] And today we have our residence therapist, Dr. Will,

[00:01:47] joining us in this fabulous conversation.

[00:01:50] Here, what's going on Dr. Will?

[00:01:52] I'm feeling good and grateful.

[00:01:53] It's wonderful.

[00:01:54] Good and grateful, that's what I'm talking about.

[00:01:57] Well welcome back up, we miss you, I miss you.

[00:02:00] It's been a while.

[00:02:01] It got warmer outside too.

[00:02:03] I'm excited about this, I needed this.

[00:02:05] Yeah, it's hot.

[00:02:06] Yeah, I'm gonna miss my sweaters but it's gonna be okay.

[00:02:09] Yeah, I've been wearing swimsuits all week long.

[00:02:12] See, yeah, I can't do that.

[00:02:14] I can't be doing my sessions.

[00:02:15] They have my shirt out of my sessions.

[00:02:18] That's not, that's not holistic.

[00:02:21] That's not holistic right now for me.

[00:02:23] That's not therapeutic.

[00:02:29] They're like, he different, Dr. Will different.

[00:02:31] It's very therapeutic for me.

[00:02:32] I'm able to sit like, yeah,

[00:02:34] I actually have a swimsuit right now.

[00:02:37] See, see, I gotta catch up.

[00:02:42] You check chest, not checkers.

[00:02:45] Chest, not checkers.

[00:02:48] I'm gonna grow into this.

[00:02:50] I'm telling you, as soon as the weather broke,

[00:02:52] I was like, yes.

[00:02:54] I opened the pool.

[00:02:57] I was like, yeah.

[00:02:59] See that's beautiful.

[00:03:01] That's beautiful.

[00:03:02] I was like, yes.

[00:03:04] I don't care what size like I am wearing this swimsuit.

[00:03:08] Yeah man.

[00:03:09] Look, sun, look, sun needs everywhere.

[00:03:11] Sun needs it, look, I use it.

[00:03:15] I'm melting in it, popping, you know.

[00:03:18] He's getting warmed up.

[00:03:20] It just started.

[00:03:21] It just started.

[00:03:24] All right, my beautiful people, let's do this.

[00:03:25] Let's take a quick break and then we come back.

[00:03:28] We'll have more talk on this impeccable world today

[00:03:32] of understanding, all right?

[00:03:33] It's your girl, D.K. Banks here

[00:03:35] on the Season of Self-Love podcast.

[00:03:37] And we will be right back.

[00:03:43] Welcome to the Season of Self-Love podcast

[00:03:45] with Naomi Banks, where every day is a chance

[00:03:48] to embrace self discovery and personal growth.

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[00:04:40] Washington Welles Institute focuses on healing always.

[00:04:43] For me, if I look good, then I feel good.

[00:04:47] If I feel good, then I share the good.

[00:04:50] If I share the good, then I celebrate the good.

[00:04:53] If I celebrate the good, then I live the good.

[00:04:56] So I can be paid to be my greatest.

[00:04:59] But I have to learn the good to be the good.

[00:05:01] So what does it take to be the greatest?

[00:05:03] It's as simple as a free 15 minute consultation.

[00:05:07] Be kind to yourself and heal always.

[00:05:15] All right, welcome back.

[00:05:16] It's your girl, you got it, Naomi Banks

[00:05:17] here on the Season of Self-Love podcast.

[00:05:19] And May is all about using our words impeccably.

[00:05:23] And today, the word is understanding.

[00:05:26] But guess what I have?

[00:05:28] A resident therapist.

[00:05:29] Now, I'm about to say, don't put on my mic.

[00:05:32] I was like, that's a hard job to fill.

[00:05:36] I wasn't ready for that.

[00:05:37] I was like, that's a hard job.

[00:05:39] I'm a resident therapist, yeah.

[00:05:41] You're the smoother, not smoother,

[00:05:43] but the more calmer one.

[00:05:46] Yeah, I just speak impulsively like that.

[00:05:48] I can't speak impulsively like that.

[00:05:50] I'm not ready for that.

[00:05:52] I don't have that clout.

[00:05:54] I don't got that clout.

[00:05:56] Our resident therapist, Dr. Will here

[00:05:58] to help us to better understand

[00:06:00] what understanding is all about.

[00:06:02] Oh yeah, that was a bar, right?

[00:06:04] That was, I was like, you really cleaned that up.

[00:06:06] You really picked that up.

[00:06:07] That was a pick up.

[00:06:09] That was nice.

[00:06:10] That was really nice.

[00:06:13] Well, thank you.

[00:06:14] Well, you guys know how we always start this off.

[00:06:17] We always start this off with a nice guided meditation

[00:06:19] to help center us.

[00:06:21] And you know how we do it.

[00:06:22] You know, Dr. Will is here,

[00:06:22] so I have to let him go first.

[00:06:24] I have to let you go first.

[00:06:26] Cause you know, for the last two weeks in May,

[00:06:28] we're doing two.

[00:06:30] And so I want you to begin

[00:06:31] and then I'll come in towards the end,

[00:06:33] at the ending of the show.

[00:06:35] All right, so if you can guide us

[00:06:37] and help center us past, it'd be great.

[00:06:41] Okay, so as always, please relax your body,

[00:06:45] allow yourself to sit back,

[00:06:47] allow yourself to just focus on your breath.

[00:06:49] Focus in with your nose, out with your mouth.

[00:06:53] Allow yourself to just listen to the way you breathe.

[00:06:59] In with your nose, out with your mouth.

[00:07:04] I invite you to let your breath become expansive.

[00:07:10] When you breathe in, feel the space open.

[00:07:15] When you breathe out, see it expand.

[00:07:21] Just all the space around you becoming more and more.

[00:07:25] I want you to imagine yourself walking down a road.

[00:07:34] Just feel what it feels like

[00:07:37] to just walk down that road

[00:07:40] as you're focusing on your breathing.

[00:07:45] The road begins to split.

[00:07:49] One side goes left, one side goes right.

[00:07:56] You end up in the middle and you have to make a choice.

[00:08:04] Take a deep breath in with your nose, out with your mouth.

[00:08:09] Choose the side that you feel most confident in.

[00:08:18] As you walk down that side,

[00:08:22] I want you to be reminded

[00:08:25] of all the positive things about you,

[00:08:28] the way you may look, feel,

[00:08:30] the way that you do good things,

[00:08:33] the way you're skillful at different things,

[00:08:35] the successes that you've had,

[00:08:37] the good people in your life.

[00:08:43] As you go down that path,

[00:08:47] it starts to curve like a circle back to where you started.

[00:08:58] And now you're walking on the weaker side.

[00:09:03] What do you notice?

[00:09:09] As you walk through the weaker side,

[00:09:14] you're back up where the two roads split.

[00:09:20] Take a deep breath in with your nose,

[00:09:22] out with your mouth.

[00:09:29] Imagine yourself pushing both of these roads together,

[00:09:35] creating one road again.

[00:09:37] Just one path.

[00:09:41] Take a deep breath in with your nose, out with your mouth.

[00:09:46] Continue to walk forward with both of those streets,

[00:09:48] those paths connected together, walking on one path.

[00:09:56] What do you notice about your thoughts?

[00:10:01] What do you notice about the way you feel?

[00:10:09] And as you finish, look back and see them.

[00:10:15] There was no left side or right side.

[00:10:21] You've always been with them.

[00:10:29] And as you slowly come back,

[00:10:33] you're reminded that you have always been the choice

[00:10:38] in any direction you go.

[00:10:56] Thank you.

[00:10:58] Thank you.

[00:10:59] All right, so if you are new here

[00:11:00] to the Season of Stuff Love podcast,

[00:11:02] this is something that we do every day,

[00:11:04] Monday through Friday here,

[00:11:05] to where we help center ourselves

[00:11:07] and prepare us for today's topic.

[00:11:10] All right, so let me say this.

[00:11:12] So as you began, as you said, I was standing there

[00:11:15] and you were saying about the road

[00:11:17] and I envisioned myself standing at that road

[00:11:19] and at that crossword.

[00:11:20] And let me tell you what my mind say,

[00:11:22] why I gotta choose?

[00:11:23] Why I just can't continue to keep going

[00:11:24] because that's what I was saying to myself.

[00:11:27] I would say to myself,

[00:11:29] but I said, I'm gonna go around.

[00:11:31] But I know that I am supposed to just keep on going

[00:11:35] because it's all about understanding.

[00:11:40] It's all about understanding those two roads,

[00:11:43] those two different roads can actually become one road

[00:11:47] to where you know that line?

[00:11:48] You know that line?

[00:11:50] You are walking down that line

[00:11:52] and you're just balancing both of those

[00:11:54] as both of them work with each other.

[00:11:57] Yes.

[00:11:58] Yes, they work with each other

[00:12:00] to create that balance,

[00:12:03] the harmony that we talked about yesterday,

[00:12:05] that understanding that we're gonna talk about today

[00:12:09] and just walking down that road

[00:12:10] and understanding that it's one,

[00:12:12] it's about the appreciation of life

[00:12:14] and what you've been going,

[00:12:15] girl, shut your mouth.

[00:12:16] There you go.

[00:12:17] I love it because I was just thinking

[00:12:22] about how important that is

[00:12:24] and the way you talk about harmony,

[00:12:27] we don't recognize,

[00:12:28] you think about harmony,

[00:12:29] we always wanna harmonize with other people

[00:12:31] or other things, even in music,

[00:12:33] you have to harmonize with another instrument, right?

[00:12:36] And so for you to talk about that so openly,

[00:12:39] it's beautiful that you can find harmony within yourself

[00:12:42] first before you even connect with somebody else.

[00:12:45] You don't do that enough.

[00:12:46] Yeah, and you have, man,

[00:12:49] you have to,

[00:12:51] it shows you so many different things,

[00:12:54] it will show you how to,

[00:12:56] you know how you always say

[00:12:57] it's not about the reaction,

[00:13:01] it's about how we react to things

[00:13:04] and a lot of times when we sit

[00:13:05] and we harmonize with ourselves

[00:13:07] and we have to be able to harmonize with others

[00:13:10] and we have to be able to harmonize with each other

[00:13:12] and that's what we're doing.

[00:13:14] And so I think that's the meaning of this

[00:13:16] and I talked about that yesterday about grounding,

[00:13:19] about grounding.

[00:13:21] A lot of things that I do in my backyard last year,

[00:13:27] I actually built an area where I can go ground

[00:13:32] because I used to go to the park all the time

[00:13:34] and create my own little patch of grass

[00:13:36] that I would sit and do my grounding at like that

[00:13:40] and I have my waterfall from the pool,

[00:13:43] the birds, the music,

[00:13:46] and the sun coming out

[00:13:47] so it's like I had all the elements right there

[00:13:49] working with me to harmonize everything

[00:13:52] and just keep me, have me in the moment there.

[00:13:56] A lot of times we don't sit still enough

[00:13:59] to be able to appreciate and hear,

[00:14:03] and hear how our body is reacting to different things

[00:14:06] and allowing our body to just flow

[00:14:09] and harmonize with all of those energy.

[00:14:12] You know what I'm saying?

[00:14:14] And so once you understand that

[00:14:17] and you're doing your work,

[00:14:19] for me it allowed me to open up more,

[00:14:21] to be ready to receive more,

[00:14:24] to be very conscious of who I am in self-awareness,

[00:14:27] you know what I'm saying?

[00:14:30] But also be more empathetic to others,

[00:14:33] you know, be more listening

[00:14:35] and also not always look to be right.

[00:14:38] And actually it's not about being right,

[00:14:40] it's about to understand,

[00:14:43] to be understood and to understand others

[00:14:45] so we can respect each other's perspective

[00:14:49] because we all think the same.

[00:14:50] We don't all think the same,

[00:14:52] you know what I mean?

[00:14:53] So yeah.

[00:14:54] I love that.

[00:14:56] Yeah.

[00:14:56] And I think that uniqueness

[00:14:59] makes us actually come together.

[00:15:00] If we were all the same,

[00:15:01] we would actually never make anything happen in life.

[00:15:06] You need to stand out.

[00:15:07] Yeah. You need to stand out.

[00:15:09] Yeah.

[00:15:10] Wow, that's beautiful.

[00:15:13] Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:15] All right my beautiful people.

[00:15:17] So understanding,

[00:15:18] as I say understanding is more than just hearing words,

[00:15:21] it's about connecting feeling.

[00:15:24] It's about truly grasping the emotions

[00:15:26] behind those words.

[00:15:28] And it's very essential in all of our relationships,

[00:15:31] including the ones with ourselves.

[00:15:34] All right so I'm gonna share a story.

[00:15:37] I remember a time when

[00:15:38] there was a really big misunderstanding

[00:15:40] that led to a needless conflict

[00:15:45] could have been avoided.

[00:15:46] Could have been avoided.

[00:15:47] I hate my write ups.

[00:15:49] I hate my write ups.

[00:15:50] Yeah.

[00:15:51] With some understanding and patience, right?

[00:15:54] All right so I talked to this with you about this

[00:15:59] a while ago,

[00:16:01] but I'm gonna share this with the audience.

[00:16:03] I don't remember if I showed it to the audience.

[00:16:06] I had,

[00:16:08] I met this beautiful young lady

[00:16:10] and I felt we would be a great fit.

[00:16:15] A project came to me

[00:16:18] and I brought the project to the young lady,

[00:16:21] invited her to my home,

[00:16:23] all of those things.

[00:16:24] Like my intentions were great in the whole thing.

[00:16:29] Even though I sat there,

[00:16:30] there was a lot of things that was happening around me

[00:16:33] you know that kind of say,

[00:16:34] well hold on this might not be for you,

[00:16:37] but I still need to share this with her.

[00:16:41] In the process of this,

[00:16:42] it was a lot of things that was happening

[00:16:44] on both ends.

[00:16:45] On me understanding and me

[00:16:47] looking at different perspectives.

[00:16:50] And I remember talking to you about

[00:16:53] is it me?

[00:16:54] Do I need to check myself on some things

[00:16:56] or maybe I need to get another chance

[00:16:58] or maybe I'm reading something wrong or differently, right?

[00:17:04] It was certain things that was put into my mind

[00:17:08] from this person about if we are not aligned.

[00:17:13] We're not aligned in this project.

[00:17:15] So I had said, this is not mine.

[00:17:17] This is hers.

[00:17:18] This is her project.

[00:17:20] This is not mine.

[00:17:21] This is not mine.

[00:17:23] I misread it that it was mine,

[00:17:25] but this is yours baby.

[00:17:26] And I'm gonna be here for you

[00:17:28] to help you along the way.

[00:17:32] But in the process of me writing

[00:17:33] that beautiful letter to this young lady,

[00:17:37] she did not understand

[00:17:40] what I was giving her in that process.

[00:17:43] And it wasn't I was giving her that gift.

[00:17:46] I was giving her support, understanding.

[00:17:51] We are moving your out your way, right?

[00:17:53] You're moving on her way of her purpose

[00:17:55] and what she could be doing.

[00:17:56] And the thing is I knew I had so many things

[00:17:59] that was going on with me, going on with me.

[00:18:02] I have my own stuff going on

[00:18:03] as well as I have my mom and her thinking

[00:18:06] if I get any better, it's getting worse.

[00:18:09] So never would I wanna hold anybody back

[00:18:11] from a gift that they have.

[00:18:13] So I'm gonna be here to support when you need me.

[00:18:15] I'm gonna help make some notes,

[00:18:17] all of those things, I'm gonna be there.

[00:18:19] But that person misunderstood everything that I said.

[00:18:24] And I wish that they would have took the time out

[00:18:27] to really just read it.

[00:18:30] And I can't say that they knew me

[00:18:31] cause they didn't we've only known each other

[00:18:33] for maybe a month.

[00:18:35] You understand what I'm saying?

[00:18:37] But I wish that they could have just really looked

[00:18:39] and see and even at a time picked up the phone

[00:18:42] so where I can speak.

[00:18:44] Because what we don't understand is that words are powerful.

[00:18:49] Words are magic.

[00:18:51] And we could either use the word as a positive

[00:18:54] or we can use the words that are negative.

[00:18:56] And what I learned is that,

[00:19:00] what I learned is that I cannot control

[00:19:03] the way somebody might take the words that I say.

[00:19:07] And I'm gonna ask you this too, doctor.

[00:19:09] That's right, that's hard.

[00:19:11] Yeah, I used to always wanna be responsible for

[00:19:15] and make sure that somebody understands what I'm saying.

[00:19:17] Cause I always say, do you understand what I'm saying?

[00:19:20] And if you wish to hear me say.

[00:19:23] I say that a lot because I feel responsible

[00:19:26] for the words that come out of my mouth

[00:19:27] to make sure that that other person

[00:19:30] truly understands my words

[00:19:33] as well as my intentions behind it.

[00:19:36] And I remember having this discussion

[00:19:38] with one of my old co-hosts back in the day.

[00:19:42] And they were like, I don't care.

[00:19:43] Cause if I said it and they don't get

[00:19:47] what I'm saying, then oh well.

[00:19:49] And I was like, that can't be, that cannot be that.

[00:19:52] And I remember even telling my daughters,

[00:19:55] especially my middle one who was very compatible.

[00:19:58] She's a debater.

[00:20:01] She is a debater.

[00:20:03] And she can be truly fucking wrong.

[00:20:06] It's hair would be, she's just wrong.

[00:20:08] And she would debate that.

[00:20:09] Like, you know, and I remember telling her,

[00:20:13] are you hearing what you're saying?

[00:20:15] And I said, you know, and I said,

[00:20:16] this is what I heard you say.

[00:20:19] And then she said, that's not what I said.

[00:20:21] I said, okay, so what are you saying?

[00:20:23] And she'll say it.

[00:20:25] And then for me, I'd be like, okay,

[00:20:28] we just gonna agree to disagree on this aspect.

[00:20:32] But I just want you to be very aware

[00:20:34] of what you are saying to others

[00:20:37] to be, you know, what I was teaching her.

[00:20:40] And that's where my next question,

[00:20:41] what I was teaching her is that you have to be responsible

[00:20:44] for the words that come out of your mouth

[00:20:46] for whoever you speak to and how they receive it.

[00:20:49] Now, my question is to you is that,

[00:20:54] are we really supposed to be responsible

[00:20:57] for how someone receives what we say to them?

[00:21:06] Hear me out.

[00:21:08] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:21:09] Just hear me out.

[00:21:10] I'm responsible for these words I'm about to say.

[00:21:18] Yes, we are in a,

[00:21:22] well, especially as Americans,

[00:21:23] we are in a space of free speech.

[00:21:27] You can say what you want to say.

[00:21:28] You can say however you wanna say,

[00:21:31] which means that people can react

[00:21:33] the way that they need to react.

[00:21:35] Which means that you should be very responsible

[00:21:37] for what you say because you understand

[00:21:40] that you cannot control how someone's going to react.

[00:21:44] You should be very responsible for that.

[00:21:48] If someone calls me out, I have a choice.

[00:21:54] How grounded am I to receive something

[00:21:58] that I may not wanna hear?

[00:21:59] Yeah.

[00:22:01] Before I speak out,

[00:22:04] I need to make sure am I responsible enough

[00:22:07] to be accountable for what they're gonna say.

[00:22:11] Because they're gonna react how they need to.

[00:22:13] And then I'm gonna have to be strong enough

[00:22:15] to be okay with it.

[00:22:17] Or if I'm not okay with it,

[00:22:18] how can I remove myself in a way that makes me stay safe?

[00:22:22] So I think the problem, especially in this generation

[00:22:24] is that we feel like we have so much power

[00:22:27] to say what we want that we don't recognize

[00:22:30] that people have the right to react.

[00:22:32] Just as much as you have the right to respond.

[00:22:34] Right.

[00:22:35] And so I do believe your words,

[00:22:39] 100% should be responsible.

[00:22:41] And I think we've lost accountability

[00:22:44] because of the way that social media comes.

[00:22:46] Everybody believes that they are the one

[00:22:48] and they have the answer and they are the thing.

[00:22:50] And it's my page.

[00:22:52] Like, I don't understand why y'all hating on my page

[00:22:54] for like, this is a public forum.

[00:22:57] So anybody can say whatever they want on your page.

[00:22:59] Well, I'm gonna block them.

[00:23:00] Fine, that's fine, do that.

[00:23:02] That does not remove your rightness or your wrongness.

[00:23:07] That just lets me know that you couldn't handle that.

[00:23:09] Right.

[00:23:10] And you don't have to handle that if you don't want to.

[00:23:12] Yeah.

[00:23:13] And so I think I empower people

[00:23:15] to be more responsible for their words

[00:23:18] because I'm learning as I'm getting older,

[00:23:20] I'm starting to say lesson crowds.

[00:23:22] Normally when I'm in talk shows and groups,

[00:23:24] especially for men's groups,

[00:23:26] I just sit there and I used to wanna say everything

[00:23:29] because I'm like, I know a lot of stuff.

[00:23:31] Let me talk tell you what I know.

[00:23:33] No, I don't say anything.

[00:23:34] I'm just watching.

[00:23:36] I'm processing, I'm like,

[00:23:38] I wonder what you went through to make you say that.

[00:23:40] Mm-hmm.

[00:23:41] I'm just watching.

[00:23:43] And then afterwards I might go up to them individually

[00:23:45] and be like, hey, when you said this,

[00:23:48] and then they're like, oh, I never thought of that.

[00:23:50] I never said it.

[00:23:51] I'm like, yeah, see,

[00:23:53] I never wanted to disrupt a natural flow.

[00:23:57] And I think emotionally mature people,

[00:24:00] they learn that their words can move mountains

[00:24:04] and their words can stop dams or stop rivers, right?

[00:24:07] They can dam rivers

[00:24:09] and your words have the power of life and death.

[00:24:12] And you start learning the power of that.

[00:24:14] Of course you wanna be responsible for your words

[00:24:17] or the lack of them.

[00:24:19] Yeah, yeah.

[00:24:21] So that's why I say yes, but I also say,

[00:24:28] But I understand what you're saying

[00:24:29] because your thing is that you still have to be,

[00:24:32] but you still can't control

[00:24:33] on how that person receives whatever that you're saying,

[00:24:37] whether if you're writing it in text

[00:24:39] or you're saying it with voice.

[00:24:41] First of all, let me say this.

[00:24:43] You never know how someone is,

[00:24:46] what's going on with them on their side

[00:24:48] of the phone or shit.

[00:24:52] We could be in the same room.

[00:24:54] They'd have a total different energy aspect

[00:24:56] that you can have and you not even know.

[00:25:00] You know what I'm saying?

[00:25:01] Yeah, that actually happened to me.

[00:25:04] I actually have a friend that I'm gonna tell the story.

[00:25:07] This is unbelievable how this is real.

[00:25:09] So literally every time they text me,

[00:25:13] we always get into a fight.

[00:25:16] Every time we text each other, it gets into a fight

[00:25:19] and I see the fight happening

[00:25:21] because I stay in processed land.

[00:25:24] I'm in processed land, everything's processed.

[00:25:26] So I'm really watching the fight happen

[00:25:29] and I'm typing the words like,

[00:25:30] this is about to start more fights.

[00:25:33] And I'm like, and I don't even mean it.

[00:25:35] I'm not even thinking in a negative way

[00:25:37] or malentend or anything.

[00:25:41] And then literally, I see the fight about to happen

[00:25:45] and then I can see that all they're being passive

[00:25:47] aggressive, oh, they didn't like that

[00:25:48] because it makes them more accountable.

[00:25:50] Ooh, they didn't like the way I said that.

[00:25:52] They want me to just give them what they want.

[00:25:54] I'm literally texting and watching it happen.

[00:25:57] And then they get mad and they don't talk to me for a day

[00:26:01] thinking that that's gonna like make me feel away.

[00:26:03] But then I'm thinking about it.

[00:26:04] So obviously it makes me feel away

[00:26:06] if I'm thinking about it while we're not talking.

[00:26:08] So then I learned, I was like, let me self correct.

[00:26:12] Literally the next time we start texting again,

[00:26:14] I see it happening again.

[00:26:16] We start texting, I see it going bad

[00:26:18] and it's going south.

[00:26:19] And then I go, I'ma call.

[00:26:21] So I call and I go, hey, I just want you to know

[00:26:23] that when you were saying that, let me explain.

[00:26:25] And I explained it to them and there was no issue.

[00:26:29] And then next time it happened again,

[00:26:31] I saw it happening, I called

[00:26:32] and I said what I was gonna type, there's no issue.

[00:26:36] So what I learned was

[00:26:37] is that they have poor comprehension skills.

[00:26:41] They are grammatically not efficient enough.

[00:26:44] So their literacy is not comprehensible.

[00:26:47] So that means that now I have to call

[00:26:49] and tell them because every time...

[00:26:52] And I'm a very transparent friend.

[00:26:56] And you know this, so I called and I said,

[00:26:59] hey, we can't text each other anymore.

[00:27:02] Like why?

[00:27:04] Cause every time we text,

[00:27:05] you take everything so personal

[00:27:07] and then we get into a fight

[00:27:08] and then we're not friends anymore.

[00:27:09] And I only got one more fight in me with you.

[00:27:12] So we're just texting from now on.

[00:27:14] And then when you text me,

[00:27:16] I'm giving you straight binary answers.

[00:27:19] Yes, no, I'll find out.

[00:27:21] Give me this much time.

[00:27:23] That's it.

[00:27:24] And literally we have not had a fight since.

[00:27:28] So cause I realized that my words,

[00:27:31] people don't translate responsibility

[00:27:33] and understanding the same way they should.

[00:27:36] So I had to understand how they comprehend

[00:27:39] and understand their literacy and things.

[00:27:41] So like that was me being responsible for my words.

[00:27:47] So, and also that was me also controlling their reaction

[00:27:51] at the same time too, by the way.

[00:27:52] So by using transparency.

[00:27:55] So that was a lot.

[00:27:58] And at that point,

[00:27:59] they even texted me today and I was like,

[00:28:02] I'm gonna call you.

[00:28:04] Not going through that.

[00:28:06] So I demand understanding at all times

[00:28:09] cause I'm not, don't ruin my peace.

[00:28:12] My peace is a choice.

[00:28:13] And I chose to call you to keep my peace.

[00:28:15] Yeah.

[00:28:17] Yeah, I'm in agreement with that.

[00:28:18] I don't know.

[00:28:21] Look, I'm not arguing with anyone.

[00:28:25] I said it yesterday.

[00:28:26] I am not arguing with anyone no more.

[00:28:31] If we can have a discussion and I can't understand you

[00:28:36] and you can't understand me respectfully

[00:28:39] in that conversation,

[00:28:40] then there's something that's going on

[00:28:43] with this relationship that, you know,

[00:28:46] that it doesn't need to go any further than today.

[00:28:49] I love you.

[00:28:50] I love you in that season.

[00:28:52] That season has passed.

[00:28:54] You have a beautiful, I'm gonna continue.

[00:28:55] You're gonna continue to be in my prayers.

[00:28:57] But that conversation, no,

[00:28:59] we are not gonna have that because you're not.

[00:29:02] And I hate to say this because

[00:29:05] this is what people say.

[00:29:08] And you can tell me if I'm wrong.

[00:29:09] Cause I look at you every week.

[00:29:11] They say that my eyes are very judgmental.

[00:29:13] That I have a very judgmental type of-

[00:29:18] I call them analytical eyes.

[00:29:20] You have analytical eyes, not judgmental eyes.

[00:29:25] Yeah.

[00:29:26] Just that face right there, right there.

[00:29:28] You just did it just there.

[00:29:29] So that was your analyzing eyes

[00:29:31] where you heard a word and you're like,

[00:29:34] I'm gonna hear what you're saying.

[00:29:35] Let me process it.

[00:29:36] Let me think of what it is.

[00:29:37] Okay, I can see how that is.

[00:29:38] Let me come back to the conversation.

[00:29:40] You do that very quick.

[00:29:41] You process so fast.

[00:29:43] That's a gift.

[00:29:44] People don't process it.

[00:29:45] You did three laps and they just got their first lap on

[00:29:48] and you're a mile ahead.

[00:29:50] So yeah, you process very fast.

[00:29:52] I can tell with your eyes.

[00:29:54] Yeah, but I'm not judging.

[00:29:55] I'm just, I'm trying to-

[00:29:57] What I'm doing and I'm taking trial.

[00:29:58] I'm understanding.

[00:29:59] I'm listening.

[00:30:00] I'm actively listening.

[00:30:02] And maybe that's what.

[00:30:02] Maybe that we don't do actively listening a lot.

[00:30:08] People aren't used to being people that are intentional.

[00:30:11] You look at people, you're looking at me right now

[00:30:13] and you're actually paying attention.

[00:30:15] I'm used to it because this is what I do for them

[00:30:17] but people don't pay attention.

[00:30:19] People don't pay.

[00:30:21] I tell you this,

[00:30:22] there's a problem with attention and intention.

[00:30:27] If you don't have attention and intentions

[00:30:29] you lack understanding.

[00:30:31] You cannot be that lazy.

[00:30:35] That you have to have, you have to give attention

[00:30:37] and you have to be intentional about your intention.

[00:30:40] So it's like, what are you doing to show that?

[00:30:44] And so for you, you're an active listener.

[00:30:47] And so me and you both being active listeners

[00:30:50] we're on the same page every single second.

[00:30:52] And then when you go forward and you process

[00:30:54] I'm like, oh, you're processing.

[00:30:56] I'm watching you process and coming back

[00:30:58] because I'm intentionally being with you.

[00:31:01] People aren't doing that.

[00:31:02] That's a skill.

[00:31:03] That's a skill now.

[00:31:05] It used to be a cultural norm for people

[00:31:08] but now we've gotten lazy about it

[00:31:09] because of the way social media has interacted in our lives

[00:31:12] and we can pause attention.

[00:31:15] We can pause and you can dissect it.

[00:31:21] So we don't actually go with the flow

[00:31:22] of awareness anymore.

[00:31:23] It's not as it's not as an optional now.

[00:31:26] You can be optionally aware of your own life now

[00:31:30] which is crazy to think about.

[00:31:32] Mm-hmm.

[00:31:34] That's a whole other topic.

[00:31:35] Yeah, that's a whole other topic.

[00:31:38] You know what?

[00:31:39] Tomorrow is our last show for this season.

[00:31:41] And we will- What?

[00:31:43] Yes.

[00:31:46] Wow.

[00:31:47] Tomorrow will be our last show.

[00:31:49] Oh my gosh.

[00:31:50] And we would have done 136 episodes.

[00:31:57] 136 episodes.

[00:32:01] I've seen you 136 times.

[00:32:03] Well, no, you probably seen me half of that

[00:32:05] because you came in.

[00:32:06] Okay, I was like,

[00:32:07] I was like, what is this?

[00:32:09] I started getting the gray beard like, what is this?

[00:32:13] You came in in January.

[00:32:16] Wow.

[00:32:17] Was it January or February?

[00:32:18] Want to know.

[00:32:19] It was January.

[00:32:21] It was January.

[00:32:24] No, we talked in January.

[00:32:25] You came in in February.

[00:32:26] Yep, February.

[00:32:27] Yep, we talked in January and came in February.

[00:32:29] Came in February, yes.

[00:32:31] Yes.

[00:32:32] Wow, four months.

[00:32:35] Wow.

[00:32:36] I wonder how many episodes we've done.

[00:32:38] That's amazing.

[00:32:39] I'm curious now.

[00:32:42] Yeah.

[00:32:43] It's been a lot.

[00:32:44] It's been an amazing journey.

[00:32:46] Yeah.

[00:32:47] And honestly, it doesn't even feel like it's a lot

[00:32:49] because I think that, especially with this topic,

[00:32:53] especially with understanding,

[00:32:55] there is a level of understanding between us

[00:32:59] about what we wanted for ourselves

[00:33:03] and we aligned with that.

[00:33:04] And I think the intentionality

[00:33:07] and the attention we put towards that

[00:33:09] made it feel effortless.

[00:33:11] Yeah.

[00:33:12] It felt so effortless.

[00:33:14] It truly did.

[00:33:15] Yeah, yeah.

[00:33:19] And I know she was being so harmless.

[00:33:21] She was, she was just being so harmless.

[00:33:24] One of my girlfriends came over last week

[00:33:26] and we had did this flower ceremony

[00:33:30] to where she planted the flower.

[00:33:32] I got that's my friendship thing for her.

[00:33:34] And then I wore it every day.

[00:33:36] And she was like,

[00:33:37] well, how's the podcast and stuff going?

[00:33:39] She was like, have you ever thought about

[00:33:40] getting you a producer to come in

[00:33:42] and produce your shows for you?

[00:33:47] Wait, this is where my egos start flying over my head.

[00:33:50] Like, it was a big break.

[00:33:52] So I'm sitting there and I'm drinking my drink

[00:33:54] and I'm silent.

[00:33:55] I don't say it, but I said, hmm, okay.

[00:33:58] And she said, no.

[00:33:59] She said, have you ever thought about

[00:34:00] that somebody coming in and seeing,

[00:34:04] being a producer on your show?

[00:34:08] And I'm still sitting there like,

[00:34:11] in my mind, I'm about to give it to you.

[00:34:13] I'm about to say like,

[00:34:14] bitch what the fuck is she looking at?

[00:34:15] Like I am the producer.

[00:34:17] You know what I'm saying?

[00:34:19] I was like, hi.

[00:34:21] I just did.

[00:34:22] I just hired her.

[00:34:24] Look.

[00:34:26] You know, and at that moment,

[00:34:29] and at that moment,

[00:34:31] I had to check myself.

[00:34:32] Check, check, check, check, check.

[00:34:34] I said, check, check, check, check yourself.

[00:34:36] I said, because everybody does not see you

[00:34:41] the way that you see yourself.

[00:34:43] And that is okay.

[00:34:44] That is not a shun against you.

[00:34:47] It is not.

[00:34:48] It is not.

[00:34:49] She probably really don't know what you do.

[00:34:52] She probably really don't know what you do.

[00:34:55] And then again, she probably said,

[00:34:56] well, maybe my good girlfriend needs somebody to help her

[00:34:59] so she can be doing something else.

[00:35:01] I don't know.

[00:35:02] But I instantly, it instantly hit my ego like that.

[00:35:05] I am producing.

[00:35:06] I am the producer.

[00:35:08] You know, it's so funny because if someone said,

[00:35:11] how is your podcast going?

[00:35:13] It means, I don't know.

[00:35:14] Do you watch it?

[00:35:15] See, that's why I would have went.

[00:35:16] See before you even,

[00:35:17] I would have been like,

[00:35:18] oh, how many episodes have you watched?

[00:35:20] Did you watch it?

[00:35:20] How do you know?

[00:35:21] Why don't you know?

[00:35:22] See, that's where I would have went first.

[00:35:24] And I'm like, oh no, it's not like that.

[00:35:26] And then there's a producer.

[00:35:27] I'm like, why do you think I need a producer

[00:35:28] if you never watched my show?

[00:35:29] See.

[00:35:31] You know, you're right.

[00:35:32] I wasn't going down that rabbit hole.

[00:35:34] Yeah, that's what I do.

[00:35:35] That's why I do that.

[00:35:36] Right.

[00:35:37] I would, you know, it wasn't.

[00:35:39] I've, and I guess I do that.

[00:35:41] I give people their outs because I know,

[00:35:46] I know that that chick,

[00:35:48] that chick is like,

[00:35:51] and I knew that.

[00:35:52] And I said, uh-uh, let's,

[00:35:53] we about to do this differently

[00:35:55] because I have to understand that other person's

[00:35:58] perspective.

[00:35:59] I cannot assume that she knows.

[00:36:05] I cannot assume that she knows.

[00:36:07] Yeah.

[00:36:07] Even what she's saying to me,

[00:36:08] it might not even be about me.

[00:36:10] It might be her speaking on her.

[00:36:14] You understand what I'm saying?

[00:36:15] Yeah, cause she probably did a show

[00:36:17] that she didn't need a producer.

[00:36:17] And she might need a producer.

[00:36:18] Like you ever think I'm gonna get a producer?

[00:36:20] Cause people give me advice all the time for music.

[00:36:23] Cause they like music.

[00:36:24] Yeah.

[00:36:25] And this, but this, and I'm gonna be,

[00:36:27] and this is no shunt to nobody.

[00:36:29] I'm only taking advice for somebody who I've seen actively

[00:36:34] producing or done some stuff.

[00:36:35] And that's no lie.

[00:36:37] That is, that is no lie.

[00:36:40] If you ain't started a business

[00:36:41] or you ain't built nothing or you ain't,

[00:36:43] I'm not listening.

[00:36:45] I'm sorry.

[00:36:45] I'm just, I'm not listening

[00:36:48] because I've done it all.

[00:36:50] Some I've done great in,

[00:36:51] some I'm still learning, some.

[00:36:54] Mm-hmm.

[00:36:57] Yeah.

[00:36:58] Yeah, that's real.

[00:36:59] Yeah, but for me.

[00:37:01] That's a standard.

[00:37:02] Yeah.

[00:37:03] Yeah.

[00:37:04] No, I'm not.

[00:37:07] I know a lot of people say,

[00:37:07] well you can learn from other people.

[00:37:09] I am so willing to learn.

[00:37:11] I am so ready to be in rooms

[00:37:15] where I am not the smartest person

[00:37:17] or the most talented person that I am able to.

[00:37:22] I am so ready to be in those rooms.

[00:37:26] I don't think you realize how glad I'm to be here

[00:37:28] because before I got, before we did this podcast,

[00:37:31] I was watching the live

[00:37:34] and it was someone that they have a lot of followers

[00:37:38] and they're all,

[00:37:39] they have these positive mental health quotes

[00:37:42] and they had like a therapist on there from the UK

[00:37:44] and they were talking about mental health

[00:37:47] and toxic families and narcissism and all these things.

[00:37:49] And I was like fighting air.

[00:37:52] Because the way they were thinking,

[00:37:56] it was so old.

[00:37:57] It was so like,

[00:38:00] it was so like 2011 self-help, right?

[00:38:05] And I was fighting it

[00:38:06] because I started asking questions in there

[00:38:09] and then they couldn't answer some of the questions.

[00:38:11] Like some of the questions in there were just like,

[00:38:13] they didn't really touch them.

[00:38:15] And I was like, let me stop.

[00:38:16] Let me stop myself.

[00:38:18] Because at the end of the day,

[00:38:19] they're doing something good.

[00:38:20] They're doing something good.

[00:38:22] At the end of the day, they're doing something good.

[00:38:24] They're doing something for people who need to hear this

[00:38:28] and where I'm at right now,

[00:38:29] this just isn't my camp.

[00:38:32] Let me go on and get onto the Naomi show

[00:38:34] so I can actually speak my part, right?

[00:38:37] That wasn't my platform.

[00:38:39] And a lot of times people don't know

[00:38:41] when it's their time and when it's not their time.

[00:38:44] So that inspired me,

[00:38:46] instead of being like, this is wrong,

[00:38:48] like, no, no, this was exactly what it needs to be

[00:38:50] for the people that are watching.

[00:38:52] I needed to be in a space

[00:38:54] where I know that I'm supposed to be.

[00:38:55] Yeah.

[00:38:57] And I had to humble myself because,

[00:38:59] and it made me grateful to have a show like this

[00:39:02] where I could actually let go

[00:39:05] and just really spread the knowledge that I do.

[00:39:07] And there might be someone that's even higher than me

[00:39:09] that might be like, oh man, he needs to get better.

[00:39:13] But there might be someone

[00:39:15] that really is ready for the next step

[00:39:17] and this is what they needed.

[00:39:18] So it's like, I'm not worried about recreating the wheel.

[00:39:23] I'm worried about making sure that I know

[00:39:25] that I am a wheel, a strong enough wheel for myself.

[00:39:27] Yeah.

[00:39:28] Right?

[00:39:29] Yeah.

[00:39:30] First of all, let me say,

[00:39:31] you've been a great added addition to this show.

[00:39:34] As the show will continue to go,

[00:39:36] it will continue to evolve

[00:39:37] to wherever it's supposed to be.

[00:39:39] You understand what I mean? Exactly.

[00:39:40] So honestly, I had,

[00:39:44] I have six months ahead

[00:39:48] of the show that I had already written,

[00:39:49] outlined for the shows.

[00:39:54] I probably did maybe the first two months

[00:39:58] the way that I written it

[00:40:00] and everything else has actually happened organically,

[00:40:04] authentically, the way it's supposed to happen,

[00:40:07] the way it's supposed to.

[00:40:10] That was one of my biggest concerns

[00:40:12] with doing the podcast was knowing,

[00:40:16] okay, well, I'm not a therapist.

[00:40:19] I don't have this degree to be able to do this A, B and C,

[00:40:24] but I still wanna make sure

[00:40:25] that everybody gets a balance of both.

[00:40:27] They give my life lessons,

[00:40:30] the things that I do in life that I can,

[00:40:33] but also get it from the point of,

[00:40:35] from a therapist that has been through school

[00:40:38] and have the lingo or the language to help.

[00:40:42] Cause sometimes I have words or I'm explaining something,

[00:40:46] but I don't know the technical words of it.

[00:40:47] I can only give you the emotional.

[00:40:49] Right, the clinical term or whatever, yeah.

[00:40:50] Yeah, of it.

[00:40:52] But also what I love about you when you came in,

[00:40:56] you came in as a therapist,

[00:40:58] but also I wanted the people to see realness of you.

[00:41:02] So it's not just them laying on your couch

[00:41:05] and you telling them what,

[00:41:06] and then you giving them going through the book

[00:41:09] and giving them a book.

[00:41:10] Just targeting.

[00:41:11] No, right, you're giving them with you feeling.

[00:41:13] So they are now there's not only a book wise,

[00:41:15] but there's also that you can connect with them

[00:41:18] on a more human way to,

[00:41:20] it's not like you're talking to them,

[00:41:22] but you're talking with them and you allowing them

[00:41:25] be able to harmonize with you in that conversation.

[00:41:30] Yeah, and I tell people,

[00:41:31] I'd never wanted to be a leader ahead of anybody.

[00:41:33] I wanted to be a leader with people.

[00:41:35] And I think that there's,

[00:41:37] I think a lot of us want to be the next one

[00:41:40] and that's never been my thing.

[00:41:42] It's always been,

[00:41:43] I've always wanted to be a part of a movement

[00:41:45] that I could believe in.

[00:41:46] And this is the one movement I can believe in.

[00:41:49] And I saw what you were doing and I was like,

[00:41:52] oh, I'm joining your movement.

[00:41:54] This self love movement is it, I'm doing it.

[00:41:56] And I didn't know, I sent an email out

[00:41:58] and I was like, well, I pray this works.

[00:42:00] And so I took a shot in the dark

[00:42:02] and I was like,

[00:42:03] because I realized that what I'm doing is amazing,

[00:42:09] but it's never gonna be enough to change the world.

[00:42:12] I need more people with me.

[00:42:15] If I wanna change the world, I need the world.

[00:42:18] Yeah.

[00:42:19] So, and so I loved,

[00:42:20] I love the world that you've created

[00:42:21] and I saw so much alignment.

[00:42:23] And I think that that's what,

[00:42:26] when you find that understanding, right?

[00:42:28] Like when you find that ability to have peace

[00:42:32] in the understanding of what someone else is doing,

[00:42:34] the only thing is,

[00:42:36] I mean, you ask is how can I help?

[00:42:38] Yeah.

[00:42:40] People that really understand,

[00:42:41] they just ask, how can I help?

[00:42:43] They're not difficult.

[00:42:44] They don't analyze it, they don't break it down.

[00:42:45] They don't, and you're very transparent.

[00:42:47] You're very upfront because the truth is that

[00:42:50] if I already understand your position in my life,

[00:42:53] I don't have to question that.

[00:42:55] Right.

[00:42:56] How can I help?

[00:42:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:43:00] But I thank you.

[00:43:01] And this is all about understanding.

[00:43:03] Let me tell you something.

[00:43:07] It was somebody who asked me

[00:43:09] and I'm trying to remember who it was

[00:43:10] cause I don't wanna put nothing on them.

[00:43:12] They said to me,

[00:43:13] how do you come up with your topics?

[00:43:19] I said, it's really something that

[00:43:20] if I'm going through something through that day

[00:43:22] and it's something that I need,

[00:43:25] then bam, that is where it's going to be for that.

[00:43:29] You know what I'm saying?

[00:43:30] Because if it's something that I know that I need,

[00:43:32] I know that it's probably millions

[00:43:34] of million people that needed the same.

[00:43:37] You understand what I'm saying?

[00:43:38] And so in that aspect,

[00:43:40] okay, let's start breaking this stuff down.

[00:43:43] None of breaking the affirmations.

[00:43:45] We did affirmations all last month

[00:43:48] to truly break down these words

[00:43:50] that's created into this whole sentence

[00:43:53] or two or three sentences

[00:43:54] that's supposed to motivate us in the morning

[00:43:57] or at night before we go to bed.

[00:43:59] But what those words mean altogether?

[00:44:02] How do they, yesterday, Shail,

[00:44:04] how do they harmonize together?

[00:44:06] You know what I mean?

[00:44:07] How can we do it and what do they mean?

[00:44:11] You know, are you moving those words correctly?

[00:44:14] Like we talked about with the two weeks ago

[00:44:16] about truly understanding how to be intentional.

[00:44:20] Are we being intentional

[00:44:22] because of what we learn from someone else?

[00:44:24] Or are we truly being intentional for ourselves

[00:44:27] or what we want or we need or what we're looking for?

[00:44:30] You know, and it's not going to be an overnight thing.

[00:44:33] You know, but at least we are now aware

[00:44:36] to ask those questions of ourselves and like,

[00:44:38] wait a minute, hold on.

[00:44:40] Oh, let me go dig that side and look.

[00:44:43] That's why I say self-love, falling in love with yourself,

[00:44:47] understanding of who you are is the first thing that we are.

[00:44:50] It needs to be a self-love course in the schools.

[00:44:55] There's so many courses in the schools

[00:44:57] we need to learn and self-love.

[00:45:02] It should start with the parents first

[00:45:05] because honestly, a lot of times kids are just products

[00:45:08] of what parents are leaving behind in themselves.

[00:45:12] So true. Right.

[00:45:14] And I think there's so much,

[00:45:17] there's so many great parents that are terrible people

[00:45:22] because they forgot to be themselves.

[00:45:25] It's like, well, I'm being a good dad,

[00:45:27] but like what you're hurting your kid.

[00:45:28] I'm there, I give you food, clothes and that's it.

[00:45:31] Okay, but did you love your child?

[00:45:33] I don't think that's not a part of my job as a parent.

[00:45:36] Ah, okay.

[00:45:37] Yes, like where is that loss then?

[00:45:40] Where is that loss in the equation?

[00:45:43] What did you know?

[00:45:43] The question is what did you go through

[00:45:44] to make you think that love is not a product

[00:45:46] of your child's development?

[00:45:49] Well, you know, what was I watching?

[00:45:50] I was watching something.

[00:45:52] I was watching something in it

[00:45:56] where the father,

[00:45:58] the care to the one who provides for the home.

[00:46:02] Now he makes the money, put food on the table

[00:46:05] and the mother is the one who mothers the child.

[00:46:08] She take care of the home, she do this and do that

[00:46:10] and that's it.

[00:46:14] It was taught way back in a day

[00:46:17] that parenting and love was not coming from both parents.

[00:46:22] You understand?

[00:46:23] It was coming from a rival type of thing.

[00:46:26] Well, he go, me go out and back,

[00:46:29] you know, hunt and bring food back.

[00:46:31] You know?

[00:46:32] You know?

[00:46:32] You know, and the woman, the woman, the mother is there,

[00:46:41] is supposed to be the nurturer in caring

[00:46:44] and that's what they say.

[00:46:46] But no, you need both parents to be able to bring

[00:46:50] a well rounded human being to this earth

[00:46:55] because they can't be lacking the showing of masculinity

[00:46:59] and femininity all in one.

[00:47:03] You understand what I'm saying?

[00:47:04] So even though you're showing them an action

[00:47:05] or I'm a provide, but what about that emotional?

[00:47:09] What about that masculine emotion?

[00:47:11] You know, how can we get that?

[00:47:14] How can you show that?

[00:47:15] How can you show what type of words to be able

[00:47:18] to share with this young boy that wants to become a man

[00:47:22] and how to treat another person,

[00:47:25] whether they are a woman or a man.

[00:47:28] What are those words to say?

[00:47:30] What did you need?

[00:47:31] Because you need something.

[00:47:32] Everybody needs affection.

[00:47:34] Everybody needs love.

[00:47:36] Everybody needs that from somewhere.

[00:47:39] You can't just throw it away

[00:47:42] when you hammering something down at a job.

[00:47:45] So then what that does,

[00:47:45] it calls you to become a drunk or on drugs

[00:47:50] or whatever else.

[00:47:51] And then when you come home, then what happened?

[00:47:53] This is where abuse happened

[00:47:54] because now you don't wanna be there with that at home.

[00:47:59] And so you show up in a total different way

[00:48:00] because you don't have the tools to understand that,

[00:48:04] oh, it's okay for me to want love

[00:48:07] and let me find out what it is.

[00:48:09] When last time you heard a man say,

[00:48:13] oh my gosh, I need love, out loud,

[00:48:17] genuinely just saying that in high school, right?

[00:48:20] Or like, regardless of R&B and music

[00:48:23] and all these things.

[00:48:24] I like your speech.

[00:48:25] Right, you know, also I was thinking,

[00:48:27] I was like, I never should have said that man.

[00:48:29] I knew it, I remember that.

[00:48:31] So it's like we don't even know how to,

[00:48:35] like men don't even know how to receive

[00:48:37] the thought of love.

[00:48:39] Yeah.

[00:48:41] I was at a graduation yesterday

[00:48:43] and I saw this little boy that always sees me

[00:48:46] and he was so excited looking at me,

[00:48:48] but he didn't know how to connect with me

[00:48:51] because he was just getting excited

[00:48:53] and I was like, you wanna hug?

[00:48:55] He's like, yeah, you know, shook his head

[00:48:58] and I gave him a hug and he loved it.

[00:49:00] He sat down and was smiling, you know,

[00:49:03] and then his dad came by

[00:49:06] and then his dad came by and looked at him

[00:49:09] and he was like excited to see his dad

[00:49:11] and he was like, what are you doing on your phone?

[00:49:14] Oh, let me see that.

[00:49:15] Okay, I was like,

[00:49:17] I just wanted to go and be like,

[00:49:18] he wants a hug, you know,

[00:49:21] because he saw me greet me

[00:49:21] and was like, what's up, what's up, Will?

[00:49:24] And then I was like, I was like,

[00:49:26] this boy wants you so bad

[00:49:28] and you don't even, you said what's on your phone?

[00:49:30] You got games.

[00:49:31] You know, I was like, oh,

[00:49:33] I was like, oh, like what are we doing?

[00:49:35] This boy just wants to hug his dad.

[00:49:37] Yeah.

[00:49:39] Because I came up and I could read him,

[00:49:40] I was like, come on.

[00:49:43] That's a whole deeper conversation

[00:49:46] that we have to get into.

[00:49:47] Yeah, the next time, next season,

[00:49:51] most definitely, most definitely, wow.

[00:49:55] But once again, that does connect back to understanding.

[00:49:59] Yeah, yeah.

[00:50:01] You know, just finding understanding.

[00:50:03] Right, so I got a question for you.

[00:50:07] All right, in what ways does practicing empathy

[00:50:09] and understanding the impact of our relationship

[00:50:12] with others can promote positive communication?

[00:50:18] So that's use the E word and use the E word

[00:50:23] and just want to admit here that

[00:50:27] there's a difference between being empathetic

[00:50:31] and being emotionally nosy.

[00:50:34] And everybody thinks they're an empath.

[00:50:37] So I just want to make sure

[00:50:39] that there's some understanding about the difference

[00:50:42] because people think that they're always empathic.

[00:50:47] Everybody thinks they're empathic.

[00:50:48] And I'm like, no, you're just hypervigilant.

[00:50:50] You got trauma responses.

[00:50:52] You're just highly attaching.

[00:50:54] This is a trauma response.

[00:50:55] Empathic means like you genuinely feel

[00:50:57] what that person was going through.

[00:51:00] I can see what people are going through.

[00:51:02] I can watch people go through it,

[00:51:04] but to feel what someone's going through

[00:51:06] is that you're sharing a bond with their experience.

[00:51:10] And sometimes that can even be

[00:51:11] secondary trauma responses.

[00:51:13] And so it's really important to understand

[00:51:15] that your empathy levels,

[00:51:17] the way you feel what they're going through,

[00:51:21] it provides you access to understanding.

[00:51:24] But that doesn't mean that you are,

[00:51:26] and that comes with compassion next, right?

[00:51:28] Showing compassion, right?

[00:51:30] So understanding is a key to compassion.

[00:51:34] So for my empathetic folk,

[00:51:37] just when you are truly feeling

[00:51:40] what someone might be going through,

[00:51:42] ground yourself with understanding

[00:51:45] and then ask how you can show compassion.

[00:51:48] So I just want to make sure,

[00:51:49] because some people are emotionally nosy.

[00:51:52] They just, oh, feelings, feelings, feelings.

[00:51:54] And then they put perceptions about the person

[00:51:57] or what they're going through.

[00:51:58] And they don't really provide any other thing

[00:52:00] other than speculation and projection or deflection

[00:52:03] based upon how it might be triggering

[00:52:04] their own traumas that they have.

[00:52:09] I like, I've never heard of that.

[00:52:11] Never.

[00:52:12] You were the first to have ever.

[00:52:14] Oh yeah.

[00:52:16] Emotionally nosy.

[00:52:18] Can I be emotionally nosy sometimes?

[00:52:21] Oh, I am.

[00:52:25] If I am, I know you are.

[00:52:29] We're friends.

[00:52:30] So you'd be asking me, you'd be texting me.

[00:52:33] I was like, why are you so nosy?

[00:52:34] Don't text me about this lady.

[00:52:36] I was like, don't text me about these people.

[00:52:38] I'm like, yeah, I hear what that is.

[00:52:41] Cause I was with you that night.

[00:52:42] I saw you when that-

[00:52:43] You were.

[00:52:44] Oh, mm-hmm.

[00:52:46] And I said, mm-mm, mm-mm.

[00:52:48] He's like, nope, thank God you didn't meet me.

[00:52:50] We were fighting.

[00:52:50] I was just drinking my little water.

[00:52:52] Just fighting air.

[00:52:53] Just fighting air.

[00:52:54] Just fighting air.

[00:52:58] Oh, you got me together.

[00:53:04] Well, I really hope that you didn't.

[00:53:07] I know you did.

[00:53:08] I know you didn't.

[00:53:09] I know you did.

[00:53:10] I know you did.

[00:53:11] I'm very disciplined.

[00:53:12] I'm very, no, I'm very obedient.

[00:53:14] I'm very obedient.

[00:53:16] I'm working on my discipline.

[00:53:19] Yeah.

[00:53:20] That's another topic in here

[00:53:21] about the discipline one.

[00:53:23] Yeah, that's another one.

[00:53:24] That's another one.

[00:53:25] That's another.

[00:53:25] All right, so let's do this.

[00:53:26] Let's take a quick break and then when we come back,

[00:53:28] we're gonna kind of close this topic off, all right?

[00:53:31] It's your girl, E. Goddess Nami Banks here

[00:53:33] on the Season of Self-Love podcast.

[00:53:36] And we will be right back.

[00:53:42] What are some common barriers

[00:53:43] that prevent people from expressing-

[00:53:45] Hey, it's your girl, E. Goddess Nami Banks here

[00:53:47] from the Season of Self-Love podcast.

[00:53:51] Yeah, I would say remorse.

[00:53:54] Shame and guilt is a very divided emotional-

[00:53:57] And these are one of the many amazing conversations

[00:54:00] that we have every day, Monday through Friday,

[00:54:04] right here on the Season of Self-Love podcast

[00:54:07] with myself, Nami Banks,

[00:54:08] as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington

[00:54:11] of Washington Wellness Institute.

[00:54:15] Come by.

[00:54:16] The reality of our relationship with people.

[00:54:17] Come by.

[00:54:18] A lot of times, we're afraid of how people look at us.

[00:54:20] And so that compassion can't enter us.

[00:54:23] And you can hit us on the website,

[00:54:24] theseasonofselflovepodcast.com.

[00:54:27] Tell me actually this, with the truth,

[00:54:30] is it-

[00:54:33] All right, welcome back.

[00:54:33] It's your girl, E. Goddess Nami Banks here

[00:54:35] on the Season of Self-Love podcast.

[00:54:37] And this month is all about using our words

[00:54:40] impeccably.

[00:54:41] So Dr. Will, I got Dr. Will with me.

[00:54:43] So as I was sitting here

[00:54:44] and just looking at the commercial, right?

[00:54:46] So, suppose I'm watching a commercial

[00:54:51] and I'm seeing it and I'm like,

[00:54:52] just have my hair look at me.

[00:54:55] I was thinking about that.

[00:54:55] I was like, why do I look down?

[00:54:58] Like, why looking down like this?

[00:55:00] I was like, I need to change,

[00:55:01] not just maybe think about the entire structure

[00:55:03] of my whole body posture.

[00:55:05] I was like all hunched over the mic.

[00:55:07] I was like, this is embarrassing.

[00:55:08] This is not becoming of me.

[00:55:10] I was like, I have poor posture.

[00:55:12] I was like-

[00:55:13] You were so sick.

[00:55:13] But I was thinking that this was happening

[00:55:15] in real time.

[00:55:16] Like seriously, like I was like,

[00:55:17] it's not what I'm gonna want to take.

[00:55:21] Oh my God.

[00:55:22] I'm watching.

[00:55:30] I'm just being so critical.

[00:55:31] I'm just judging myself.

[00:55:32] I was like, why have we're red today?

[00:55:34] Why are we red that day?

[00:55:36] Like what was I thinking?

[00:55:38] I'm thinking like,

[00:55:38] this is what my hair look like today.

[00:55:42] Like it was just-

[00:55:43] I'm suiting everything changes.

[00:55:45] It's like-

[00:55:46] See, yeah.

[00:55:49] All right, my beautiful people again,

[00:55:51] welcome to the Season of Ciflup Podcast again.

[00:55:53] I am your host, Lami Banks here.

[00:55:55] And I'm here with our resident therapist,

[00:55:57] Dr. Will Washington.

[00:56:00] And today we were talking about understanding.

[00:56:03] We were talking about understanding.

[00:56:05] It's been a great topic.

[00:56:07] We kind of missed over some things,

[00:56:08] but that's good.

[00:56:09] But as we always do,

[00:56:10] we bring it right back around

[00:56:12] and circle with it.

[00:56:14] But I want to do this.

[00:56:15] This is towards the end of our show.

[00:56:17] And I know the month of May is mental health awareness.

[00:56:22] And I said that for the last two weeks of May

[00:56:25] that we were gonna do two guided meditations,

[00:56:28] one bring in and one to take us out.

[00:56:31] And so what I want to do is I want to take this moment

[00:56:33] to just reflect on how we go with understanding.

[00:56:39] All right?

[00:56:40] So I want you to close your eyes,

[00:56:43] take a deep breath in.

[00:56:49] Let's take a moment.

[00:56:53] I want you to close your eyes.

[00:56:57] Understanding, bridge the gap between you.

[00:57:03] I want you to feel the warmth of that connection

[00:57:06] and let it fill you with gratitude.

[00:57:11] Now I want you to consider how you can carry

[00:57:14] this spirit of understanding forward.

[00:57:18] I want you to visualize yourself moving through life

[00:57:21] with compassion and empathy,

[00:57:23] building stronger relationships and fostering harmony.

[00:57:32] Now repeat after me silently.

[00:57:36] I cultivate deep understanding within myself

[00:57:42] and I extend it to all beings.

[00:57:47] I commit to approaching each interaction with empathy

[00:57:52] and love.

[00:57:55] And when you are ready, gently open your eyes,

[00:57:58] knowing that true understanding is a gift

[00:58:01] that enriches both you, yourself,

[00:58:05] and the world around you.

[00:58:14] All right, my beautiful people.

[00:58:15] And then I just thank you for just sharing this moment

[00:58:17] with us right now.

[00:58:18] And for me truly understanding is something

[00:58:21] that is very important to me.

[00:58:25] And as I was just sitting listening to that meditation,

[00:58:33] what came up into my mind is to remember

[00:58:36] as a teenager, as a young girl,

[00:58:39] and remembering I was that debater

[00:58:41] that wants to always argue to be right.

[00:58:45] To get my point across,

[00:58:46] to make sure that everybody knew that I knew.

[00:58:51] Now I know the importance of truly understanding.

[00:58:58] I know the importance on how to be empathetic

[00:59:02] to others and to have compassion for others

[00:59:04] as well as myself.

[00:59:06] So not always being right,

[00:59:12] but communicating to understand and to be understood.

[00:59:16] And so I look at it so much differently now

[00:59:18] that I'm able to see the different perspectives

[00:59:24] of others in a way that they view their vision

[00:59:29] of their life.

[00:59:30] Does that make sense?

[00:59:31] Yeah.

[00:59:32] Yeah.

[00:59:33] Yeah, that's beautiful.

[00:59:34] Yeah.

[00:59:36] How long have you been just like recognizing

[00:59:39] and cultivating that?

[00:59:40] How long have you been cultivating that?

[00:59:46] For years.

[00:59:47] And let me say this,

[00:59:52] I wanna say after my divorce.

[00:59:55] So this has been over 20 something years.

[01:00:00] Wow.

[01:00:01] Yeah.

[01:00:01] And because I was a hard ass,

[01:00:04] like I don't play, I did not play.

[01:00:07] Even when I spoke to people,

[01:00:09] they had to look me in my eye.

[01:00:11] And when talking,

[01:00:12] cause I had to make sure that I knew just everything.

[01:00:15] And so at that time

[01:00:17] I could have been very intimidating with them

[01:00:19] and not that I wasn't trying to understand them.

[01:00:25] I was protecting myself in a moment.

[01:00:28] You understand what I'm saying?

[01:00:30] Makes sense.

[01:00:31] Yeah.

[01:00:32] I was protecting myself in that moment,

[01:00:34] but also being aware of who I am

[01:00:38] in that time, in that moment.

[01:00:41] So it was a whole lot of things that was going on

[01:00:42] in that process during that time.

[01:00:45] So once I was able to get into other relationships

[01:00:50] that were more to where I can bring down my walls

[01:00:54] and understand,

[01:00:55] it allowed me to be able to cultivate

[01:00:58] a lot of the things that I learned now,

[01:00:59] that I am now.

[01:01:03] The way that I speak and talk to people,

[01:01:05] the way that I would sit and listen

[01:01:06] instead of over talking

[01:01:08] and making sure that I'm able to be heard.

[01:01:11] I don't have to be the loudest person in a room anymore

[01:01:14] that I can just sit, watch and listen and pay attention.

[01:01:17] Because when you do that,

[01:01:19] you hear a lot of things from people loudly

[01:01:23] that they have inside of them that's hidden.

[01:01:26] Does that make sense?

[01:01:28] Yeah.

[01:01:29] I always tell people, I talk loud by listening louder.

[01:01:31] Yeah.

[01:01:32] Yes.

[01:01:33] Yes.

[01:01:34] Yeah.

[01:01:35] Yeah.

[01:01:36] Yeah.

[01:01:36] And so that's where I...

[01:01:39] It's been over 20 years.

[01:01:42] It's true, it has.

[01:01:43] It's been over 20 years.

[01:01:45] And I believe me wanting to have a different relationship

[01:01:49] with my girls than my mother had with me

[01:01:52] allowed me to sit and listen to them,

[01:01:55] actively listening to them,

[01:01:57] allowing them to be who they are

[01:02:00] and help them to control themselves

[01:02:04] to who they wanna be in life.

[01:02:06] In the beginning, did I get it?

[01:02:08] Was I kind of rusty?

[01:02:09] Hell yeah.

[01:02:10] You know what I'm saying?

[01:02:11] I was 19, 20 years old when I became a mother.

[01:02:14] Well, I was still growing up to who I am.

[01:02:17] But when I realized it,

[01:02:19] then I said, okay, let me listen to her

[01:02:21] because she's speaking the same language

[01:02:23] that I was speaking when I was at age

[01:02:25] and wasn't nobody listening.

[01:02:27] So let me hear her.

[01:02:29] Let me listen.

[01:02:29] Let me listen.

[01:02:30] Let me understand what she is saying

[01:02:33] and help her to where her voice can be heard loudly.

[01:02:38] You know what I'm saying?

[01:02:40] And so her, she allowed me to kind of go through that

[01:02:48] cultivated more.

[01:02:50] And then once I was divorced

[01:02:51] and just really going on my thing

[01:02:53] and then that just really gave me the room

[01:02:56] to be able to move and actually move away from Chicago

[01:03:00] and move away from that

[01:03:02] and be able to see the world in a whole different way

[01:03:06] also allow you to see different voices,

[01:03:10] to hear different language, to see different cultures.

[01:03:13] You understand what I'm saying?

[01:03:14] So locked into one thing, you can't see nothing

[01:03:18] but once you have removed yourself from that,

[01:03:21] that glass look different, that window look different,

[01:03:24] those glasses look different.

[01:03:25] You know what I'm saying?

[01:03:26] And that's what allowed me to be able

[01:03:28] to cultivate all of that.

[01:03:31] And let me be honest,

[01:03:32] I didn't know that that was happening then.

[01:03:35] I didn't realize that that was happening then

[01:03:38] to 10 years ago, 11 years, almost 12 years ago

[01:03:42] when I went into my closet

[01:03:44] and starting on this healing, true healing journey.

[01:03:50] Oh, that's what that was.

[01:03:51] That's why my tones are different.

[01:03:54] Even though this is who I've been for the past 20,

[01:03:58] almost 20, almost 30 years,

[01:04:02] they'll see me or who I was

[01:04:03] for the first 20 years of my life.

[01:04:06] They can't see me past that.

[01:04:08] So they missed a whole 30 years.

[01:04:11] That's crazy to think like, wow.

[01:04:14] They missed on such an amazing person

[01:04:17] and now they got to catch up.

[01:04:18] Yeah, but what I see is that

[01:04:21] through these past 25, almost 30 years,

[01:04:25] I went through my healing journey,

[01:04:27] even with 10 years of not even knowing

[01:04:29] that I was going through my healing journey.

[01:04:31] Does that make sense?

[01:04:32] And so some of them probably haven't even started.

[01:04:35] Don't even know that they don't think

[01:04:37] that they need healing.

[01:04:39] You understand?

[01:04:40] So from that it is what it is.

[01:04:43] That's what a lot of people,

[01:04:43] it is what it is.

[01:04:44] That's what life gives you.

[01:04:46] That's the cards that they dealt me.

[01:04:48] So that's why I'm gonna be there.

[01:04:52] That's amazing.

[01:04:53] Yeah.

[01:04:59] That's so foundational.

[01:05:00] And I really hope that the things that you've laid,

[01:05:04] the things that you laid for yourself,

[01:05:06] now your own lineage can walk on that.

[01:05:10] Yes.

[01:05:11] And then their job is to build the homes

[01:05:15] and then their homes are gonna build the community

[01:05:17] that you always wanted for yourself.

[01:05:20] Yeah.

[01:05:20] That's amazing that you did that intentionally.

[01:05:23] Yeah. Right?

[01:05:24] Yeah.

[01:05:25] By choosing yourself to love yourself first.

[01:05:27] Yeah.

[01:05:30] Self-love.

[01:05:32] Self-love.

[01:05:33] Like I say, this podcast did more for me

[01:05:38] as much as it doing for the listeners.

[01:05:40] Like seriously.

[01:05:42] It's like, I'm living it out loud.

[01:05:47] I'm understanding what it is out loud.

[01:05:51] I'm going through this out loud.

[01:05:56] And just the letters that come in

[01:05:58] from some of the listeners and,

[01:06:01] I'm so moved with some of the things that come through.

[01:06:05] Like, wow, y'all was really listening.

[01:06:07] Like, yeah, I understood what you were talking about.

[01:06:11] You know, you know what you mean.

[01:06:14] And that speaks values to me.

[01:06:17] And not that that was confirmation for me.

[01:06:22] I get confirmation when I'm sitting here talking

[01:06:25] and I'm saying a story and sharing one of my stories in

[01:06:28] and I'm like, oh, that's what that is.

[01:06:32] And that's just instant confirmation for me.

[01:06:34] Not that I'm looking for it

[01:06:36] but I'm open to understand what that is.

[01:06:41] I'm open to acknowledge, to see it.

[01:06:44] A lot of times we don't see it

[01:06:46] because we're so blind to other things.

[01:06:51] And I think that that blindness that you talk about,

[01:06:55] it's a mirror.

[01:07:01] All of us aren't just ready to be in the mirror yet

[01:07:03] and that's okay.

[01:07:06] You don't have to move a mirror around to see it.

[01:07:07] You have to get in front of the mirror.

[01:07:09] So are you willing to get in front of yourself?

[01:07:13] That's why I'm always quick not to judge other people

[01:07:15] or criticize people

[01:07:16] because I know where my mirror is at.

[01:07:21] Look, let me look at my mirror first

[01:07:24] before I look at yours.

[01:07:26] Ooh, I like that one.

[01:07:27] That's a good one.

[01:07:29] Well, you know what, doctor,

[01:07:30] we are at the end of this show

[01:07:32] and I wanna thank you.

[01:07:32] I wanna thank you for your enlightening words

[01:07:35] and your insights.

[01:07:35] And I wanna thank you, my listeners, our listeners

[01:07:38] for joining us today.

[01:07:40] I mean, we covered a lot about the power of understanding

[01:07:43] and enforcement of love in nurturing our relationships.

[01:07:48] Dr. Will, is there any last words that you have to say

[01:07:50] before we end this episode?

[01:07:55] Be kind to yourself in your own ways.

[01:07:59] You know what, next season,

[01:08:00] I'm gonna get him to say a little bit more than that.

[01:08:01] All right, y'all.

[01:08:02] I just want y'all to know.

[01:08:04] Less is more when you're doing the most.

[01:08:09] All right, my beautiful people,

[01:08:10] we wrap today's episode.

[01:08:11] I also have a bittersweet announcement.

[01:08:13] Tomorrow, that is our final show for this episode.

[01:08:20] We have journeyed so many powerful words and concepts

[01:08:23] that I am so deeply grateful for each and every one

[01:08:26] of you who have joined us here.

[01:08:29] And don't miss tomorrow because we bring the season

[01:08:32] to a beautiful, some special reflections.

[01:08:35] And I can't wait.

[01:08:39] I can't believe you did it.

[01:08:40] You did it.

[01:08:41] We did that.

[01:08:42] We did that.

[01:08:44] Until next, keep embracing the season of love.

[01:08:47] Keep using these words to heal, to empower and to connect.

[01:08:51] Don't forget to subscribe, share and stay tuned as always.

[01:08:55] All right, have a good one.

[01:08:58] Thank you for listening to the season

[01:09:00] of self-love podcast.

[01:09:02] And we hope that you enjoyed this fun field

[01:09:05] with inspiration, empowerment and self discovery.

[01:09:09] Remember practicing self-love as a journey

[01:09:12] and not a destination.

[01:09:15] For more information and to stay connected with us,

[01:09:19] visit our website at theseasonofselflovepodcast.com.

[01:09:24] And if you have any suggestions or questions

[01:09:28] or feedback, feel free to shoot us an email

[01:09:30] at seasonofselfloveatgmail.com.

[01:09:34] And don't forget to follow us on Instagram

[01:09:37] and Facebook for daily doses of self-love tips,

[01:09:40] motivation and community support.

[01:09:43] So join our Facebook group, the season of self-love

[01:09:47] to connect with like-minded individuals on their journey

[01:09:51] to self discovery and self compassion.

[01:09:54] Thank you again for being a part of our community

[01:09:57] in dedicating to nurturing self-love

[01:10:00] and embracing self-worth.

[01:10:02] So stay tuned for more exciting episodes

[01:10:05] and guests in the next season.

[01:10:07] And remember you are worthy of love, kindness

[01:10:11] and all the happiness in the world.

[01:10:13] So until next time, take care of yourself

[01:10:16] and spread love wherever you go.

[01:10:18] See you soon.