Understanding the Impact of Betrayal on Mental Health w/ Dr. Will

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Season of Self Love, your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement.

[00:00:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Nyomi Banks, and I am thrilled to be here with you today.

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_00]: This podcast is brought to you by Ask Nyomi in Elevate Me Self Discovery.

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Are you ready to elevate your mindset and embrace the power of self love?

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Or have you come to the right place?

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Each day we'll dive into topics that will empower and inspire you on your journey

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_02]: towards self discovery and personal growth.

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Whether you're looking to cultivate healthy relationships, boost your confidence or find

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_02]: balance in your life, this podcast is here to support your every step on the way.

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_02]: We believe that self love is the foundation of living a fulfilled and joyful life.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_02]: And together we explore practical tips, insightful interviews, and transformative stories

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_02]: that will leave you feeling inspired and motivated.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_02]: So join me Monday through Friday as we embark on this daily adventure of self love.

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Tune in to the Season of Self Love podcast to start your day on a positive note and

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_02]: discover the limitless potential within yourself.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, hey, hey, hey, my beautiful people.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to a brand new season of the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_02]: I am your host, Nyomi Banks.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_02]: And today I am joined by our resident therapist, you know, Dr. Will.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_02]: How can I start the second season without my main man?

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_02]: But before we bring him to the stage, we're going to take a quick break.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_02]: But I want to tell you this.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Remember, the theme for this month is all about healing beyond betrayal.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_02]: So as we explore the profound effects of betrayal, can we have our time and

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_02]: moment together, all right?

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_02]: So let's take a quick break.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_02]: We'll be right back.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Your girl, you got it, Nyomi Banks.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Season of Self Love.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Here we go.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_02]: What are some common barriers that prevent people from expressing?

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, it's your girl, you got it.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: It's Nyomi Banks here from the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, I would say remorse.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_08]: So shame and guilt is a very divided emotional.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: every day, Monday through Friday, right here on the Season of Self Love

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: podcast with myself, Nyomi Banks, as well as our resident therapist,

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Dr. Will Washington of Washington Wellness Institute.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_08]: Come by.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Come by.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_03]: You can hit us on the website, theseasonofselflovepodcast.com.

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_08]: Washington Wellness Institute focuses on healing always.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_08]: For me, if I look good, then I feel good.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_08]: If I feel good, then I share the good.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_08]: If I share the good, then I celebrate the good.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_08]: If I celebrate the good, then I live the good.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_08]: So I can be paid to be my greatest.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_08]: But I have to learn the good to be the good.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_08]: So what does it take to be the greatest?

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_08]: It's as simple as a free 15 minute consultation.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_08]: Be kind to yourself and heal always.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I am your host, Nyomi Banks.

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_02]: And today we are introducing a new series called Healing Beyond the Betrayal.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Today our topic is understanding the impact of betrayal on mental health.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Today joining me is our resident therapist, Dr. Will from Washington Wellness.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_08]: It's so good to be back.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_08]: It's so good to be back.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_08]: I look different.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_08]: I worked out a little different.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_08]: I ate different a little bit.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_08]: I had to get ready.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_08]: I had to prepare for this.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_08]: I had to train for this.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_04]: You got a little glow going on.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_07]: I got a little glow.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_07]: I was working on skin work.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_07]: It's a beautiful thing.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_07]: I learned all about skincare.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I hear that.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Are you ready for this series?

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a really great and moving series.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_02]: It really is.

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_02]: And when I tell you some of the guests that are coming on this month are amazing.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_02]: The stories are amazing.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_08]: I feel like you know how to pick the mountain and climb it.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_08]: I really do.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_08]: I was like betrayal.

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_08]: That's a huge word with so many different angles.

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_08]: So I'm excited to see who you're bringing on in this series.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_02]: That's what I'm talking about.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_02]: But y'all know how we do it.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, before we get into the topic, let's take a quick break.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's do a nice little center ourselves to get ready for this topic.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose and hold for a moment.

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_03]: And as you exhale slowly through your mouth, I want you to continue to breathe deeply.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_03]: I want you to imagine each breath washing over you with calmness.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_03]: And each exhale releasing any tension that you might feel.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Now envision yourself surrounded by a gentle aura of peace

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_03]: that nurtures and protect your heart and mind.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Let's carry this sense of calm throughout today's mission.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Now you can open your eyes and be in the present moment.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Well, welcome back.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_02]: First of all, I'd like to thank you all for just being here in this moment and this time

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_02]: with us right now.

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_02]: And if you're new here to the Season of Self-Love podcast, see I got Ty Ty already.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_02]: We do this every day Monday through Friday where we have center ourselves

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_02]: before we get into the topic of hand.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_02]: And of course, I got Dr. Will here with me.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_02]: And we don't go deep in it, right?

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_08]: Every time.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_08]: We don't do shallow water.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_08]: We don't do shallow water.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_02]: We don't.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_02]: We get down deep in there.

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes I go down in the rabbit hole.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes you come follow me.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_07]: It's beautiful.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_07]: I love it.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_07]: I love it though.

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_07]: I love it.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_02]: But today we're talking about understanding the impact of betrayal.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_02]: But first let's understand what betrayal is.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Betrayal is like a deeply personal and often devastating experience

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_02]: that comes in many forms, leaving lasting scars on our emotions and well-being.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_02]: You see, understanding the nature of betrayal

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_02]: and impact is first step towards healing and reclaiming our sense of self.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Today we are here to discuss the impact that betrayal does on our mental.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_02]: You see, there are different forms of betrayal.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_02]: And I think I've probably on the receiving end of least

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_02]: not of all five of them, infidelity, deception, abandonment, broken promises,

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_02]: and yeah, betrayal of self.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, I think I've been through them all.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I think I've been through all.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_02]: So can you explain how betrayal trauma differs from any type of psychological trauma?

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_08]: Yes.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_08]: The thing about betrayal is, so this is heavy because what it does is it goes to a root.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_08]: Right?

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_08]: We have these foundations in childhood development, right?

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_08]: Safety, security, nurturing, nature, right?

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_08]: All these different words that pretty much define our childhood development.

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_08]: And when you experience betrayal, it hits something a lot deeper than just the moment itself.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_08]: It's not just, oh, here's the moment and this is what happened to me.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_08]: It's this moment hit me and hit six other things that were happening in my life.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_08]: That made me who I am.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_08]: And so betrayal is when you're in the nest

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_08]: and someone not only takes you out the nest, but they actually breaks the nest.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_08]: So you can't even get back to it.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_08]: And so that recovery period is a lot deeper and the work is so much more

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_08]: involved and integrated into your own system.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, when I decided to do this series right here,

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_02]: and I believe we talked the other day off of that,

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_02]: and it was really just supposed to be one show.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Just one show that I was going to do.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I said, no, we really have to get deep down into this.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I need to just continue to follow the format of what I've been doing with this

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_02]: self love and taking the whole month to do that.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_02]: But not only that, but now I actually included an ebook in a challenge.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_02]: They actually started number first.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know, to kind of really get into that because each one of

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_02]: the face of betrayal looks different to all of us.

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Does that make sense?

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_02]: It looks different to all of us and really knowing and understanding,

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_02]: opening it up more so it's just not my face and it's not just your face,

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_02]: we get so many other faces that maybe our listeners could resonate with.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I said before, the five, I've hit all five of them several different times.

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_02]: But making this when I was doing this show right here and I knew

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I wanted this to be the first show and I knew I wanted you to be here

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_02]: with the first show is because I can't even imagine what your response

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_02]: will be to some of these questions that I knew that needed to be answered.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Because a lot, even when you said that when that betrayal comes,

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_02]: it taps in like more than just one thing.

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Multiple of things, multiple of layers to your being,

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_02]: to your intellect or your intake, your emotions.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_02]: And so it's like, what do we do with it then?

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_02]: So we're talking about self love.

[00:09:34] [SPEAKER_02]: This is what we're talking about on this podcast.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_02]: So how can we truly have self love for ourselves when we have all this

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_02]: hate in this deception within us of betrayal, not only from others,

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_02]: but from ourselves?

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_02]: You know?

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_08]: And I think that I think what you said was these layers that you talk about,

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_08]: people aren't just noticing them, they're going through them.

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_08]: They're going through these layers and they don't know where to start,

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_08]: where to stop.

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_08]: And it makes recovery so difficult to know when to begin.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, we're definitely going to be getting into this.

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Why I'm so excited because let's talk about,

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm going off script on that right now.

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about, what's the word?

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Gaslighting as they call it.

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Gaslighting.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_08]: Now it's very popular, yeah.

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:10:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Which is another form of betrayal to one that you've heard or

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_02]: the people around that has been hurt.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_02]: You understand what I'm saying?

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_02]: And so that's going to be a whole show topic right there that we're talking about,

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, with that.

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_08]: That's an umbrella term for me.

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_08]: That's an umbrella term for me.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_08]: Gaslighting is an umbrella term for me.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_08]: Like, as long as it's gaslighting, I'm thinking of five to six other

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_08]: words that go under that.

[00:10:59] [SPEAKER_02]: So we getting in there, y'all.

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_02]: We got you.

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_07]: It's going down.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_07]: It's going down.

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_02]: We got you.

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I promise you, we got you.

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm telling you, when it came to me and it was telling me to wait,

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_02]: and then they said, no, this is when you should do it.

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_02]: And then you will have some people to help you along the way.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I said, okay, I'm there.

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I want you to do this, this, this, and this.

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_02]: I said, okay, I'm there.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm there.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, okay.

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I said, let me get on with Dr. Will and see if he can follow me right here,

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_02]: right next to me.

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_08]: With a fire.

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_08]: We still fire.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_08]: Through the fire.

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_08]: I got you.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_02]: See, that's why I got on my red hat today.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_02]: You see through the fire.

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_08]: Why did that?

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_08]: Why did that connect so well?

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_01]: See Chicago native, Chicago native.

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Red hair.

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Big hair.

[00:11:56] [SPEAKER_08]: You can't read it.

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_08]: Look, like I feel unprepared.

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_08]: I thought I had a cool t-shirt on, but now I just feel like I should have did something.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_08]: I had my fake O'Dell hair.

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_08]: I tried.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_02]: You're balancing us out.

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_02]: You can't be as wild as me, so we gotta have an even tail somewhere.

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_08]: You right.

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_08]: Peanut butter and jelly.

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_08]: I love it.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_08]: I got you.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_02]: You can't come in like banging and kicking open the door just on the first day.

[00:12:22] [SPEAKER_07]: This was only been 12 minutes in.

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_07]: It's too soon.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_01]: We need fire and ice, baby.

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Fire and ice.

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_07]: I got it.

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_07]: I love it.

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_02]: I know from personal experience and from many of you who have shared

[00:12:42] [SPEAKER_02]: our stories, just how deep can the wounds go?

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_02]: Dr. Whitford, could you talk about some of the common reaction that people might have to betray?

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_08]: Yes.

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_08]: So, just to give some preface to this, being a hypnotherapist as well, we do age regression.

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_08]: People come to me with something happened to me last week.

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_08]: I want to talk about it.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_08]: I need to discuss it.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_08]: It's amazing how they come in with this one feeling, this surface emotion.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_08]: Then when we slow down and we age regress, there's actually a deeper childhood wound that was

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_08]: unresolved.

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_08]: Many times the way that patrol works is that there are unresolved childhood wounds

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_08]: that are occurring.

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_08]: They live in us in so many different ways.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_08]: As we grow older, we create layers on top of that.

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_08]: And there are multiple techniques like IFS therapy that help with internalized burdens,

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_08]: those internal burdens that you hold.

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_08]: But as an adult, we tend to mask those feelings with other behaviors or things that

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_08]: make us look great.

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_08]: Or we might even take a job that helps us be the person we weren't for ourselves.

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_08]: I've even found that for many clients, they usually become the thing that they didn't resolve

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_08]: or they try to become the thing that they wish they had.

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_08]: We have to get through those layers.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_08]: In the age regression, you find the deepest root and it's usually a child.

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_08]: Even if they can go into infancy.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_08]: It's amazing the pain that you even come through that's not even your pain.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_08]: We call those legacy burdens.

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_08]: The trauma that is passed down from your parents that's unresolved gets passed on

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_08]: to you.

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_08]: Now it's your job to deal with how to resolve it.

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_08]: That's a hard thing to do.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_08]: Alone especially.

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_02]: So what would be the therapeutic approach to that?

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, so if I were to look for a therapist, I would look for a therapist that does IFS

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_08]: therapy.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_08]: So if you've ever seen the movie Inside Out, that's kind of how it looks.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_08]: That's kind of how that therapy works.

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_08]: I use my model which is an Inside Out model as well.

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_08]: Restored venous and modality.

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_08]: I would even look at different forms of hypnotherapy.

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_08]: I would also look at getting a life coach as well.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_08]: So I'm gonna be honest with you.

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_08]: I love anybody walking into my office, don't get me wrong.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_08]: But some people aren't ready for therapy and you have to prep yourself for therapy.

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_08]: I've had people come in and say, well, I'm ready to talk about my childhood and my trauma.

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_08]: I'm like, you could but you have too much going on in your life to actually sit and

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_08]: focus on this.

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_08]: You created the survivorship.

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_08]: And many people that have these unresolved issues, especially from betrayal,

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_08]: they have a lot of survivorship, not relationships.

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_08]: And so they create relationships based upon the absence rather than their abundance.

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_08]: And so a lot of people are living in that.

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, so I really, betrayal is that awakening of survivorship.

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_08]: It really is.

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_08]: And you realize like, oh my God, I've been doing this and going through this because

[00:16:09] [SPEAKER_08]: I was afraid of never actually existing.

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_08]: I had to go through this to be something.

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_08]: So now when you're that thing, you don't know how to actually enjoy it because

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_08]: never took time to actually create relationships.

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_08]: You made it all based upon your struggle, your absence,

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_08]: never the things that were actually abundant and fulfilling,

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_08]: which is why self-love is so important.

[00:16:31] Yeah.

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, when a few weeks ago we talked about this, but I just want to share this

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_02]: a little bit with our listeners.

[00:16:43] [SPEAKER_02]: When I knew that it was for me the confirmation for me to truly do this series was

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_02]: a few days before I was to go home to Chicago.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I hadn't been back home to Chicago in a few years, in about two or three years.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I hadn't been back home.

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And before then there was an incident that happened with some family members that

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_02]: kind of threatened the safety of my family here.

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_02]: And for that reason, I really didn't want to be around them.

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I had put myself in a situation to be around them right after it happened.

[00:17:16] [SPEAKER_02]: It was like right after it happened.

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_02]: And so it was, I didn't approach them or say anything to them, but I know who they are.

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_02]: And at that time, that's when we was really going through my spiritual,

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_02]: like, and I was kind of just relieving people from me.

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_02]: And so that was my thought is relieve all of these people, family, toxic friends,

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, whatever anybody that wasn't aligned with what I was doing at this moment,

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_02]: at this time, I was cutting them all off.

[00:17:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Then I remember, no, I woke up one morning and as I wake up, I see this S.

[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_02]: You know how you like in that in between wake, woke and sleep when you just wake up

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_02]: that last vision, you know, before you want, and it was the big, beautiful S,

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_02]: black, shiny with like diamond crepes.

[00:18:06] [SPEAKER_04]: I'm like, what is that?

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_02]: So it was, you know, what is that S?

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_02]: So I go in my meditation room.

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't really get anything, nothing.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_02]: So as I'm getting ready for the day, and there was Shannon Sharp

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_02]: popped on with LL Cool J.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_02]: That's like my, that's my man in my head.

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_02]: That's my man in my head, right?

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_04]: Right.

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_04]: I love that.

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so he had said something that was very movie to me and I was like,

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_02]: okay, well maybe that was, maybe that's what it was the S is for Shannon Sharp.

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm always trying to find a reason for something, you know.

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_02]: And so as I'm sitting there and actually he clicks off after that.

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_02]: It clicks off and I'm like, okay, that was moving.

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_02]: So maybe it was for that, you know, so I'm, you know, in the kitchen cleaning up

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_02]: and something happened where it was like, I need to listen to what I heard was

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_02]: listening to souls and I was like, souls, another S, right?

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_02]: I heard that like, I heard souls, like it was washing, watching, washing dishes.

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, souls.

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_02]: And so I was like, okay, listen, okay, what is it?

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_02]: And it said read, read.

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_02]: And so I went to my audible and cause at that time I was listening to Gary Garvey.

[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_02]: That's why I was listening to after, um, Shannon Sharp show where I was listening

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_02]: to Gary V, Gary V. I was listening to Gary V.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_02]: And matter of fact, he clicked off.

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_02]: He clicked off when I heard the souls, it just clicked off and I heard souls.

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I was like, okay, what am I supposed to be doing?

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_02]: So I go to untethered souls as soon as I push play, because I had been

[00:20:09] [SPEAKER_02]: listening to it already and I've already read it, pushed it.

[00:20:14] [SPEAKER_02]: It was to the exact part too about, um, keeping your, your broken heart open.

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Meaning that when we get our heart broken or when somebody does something wrong to us,

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_02]: we cut them off instantly.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_02]: We go inside.

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_02]: And so we never able to heal.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_02]: All we do is just pile on and pile on, pile on more stuff.

[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_02]: And so throughout this book, I listened for this book for about seven hours that day.

[00:20:42] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I was like, what's the next day or the day before that?

[00:20:47] [SPEAKER_02]: It was either a day or two days before I'm to go to Chicago where I knew

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_02]: I will be around these family members.

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_02]: So in this process is telling me about all of these things.

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Also about forgiveness, also about how to let things go, especially when you

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_02]: don't have any control over it.

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Um, allowing myself to go through the process of the pain of the betrayal.

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?

[00:21:12] [SPEAKER_02]: And look at it from a different perspective, a perspective, um, when it happens.

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_02]: And so I went through all of that and that wasn't nothing but confirmation for me.

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Cause I just finished writing the book.

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_02]: I was in the middle of creating the course.

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm still not finished with it, but I was in the middle of creating a course.

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_02]: But all of that was just confirmation for me and made me feel so much better

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_02]: on returning back home.

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I get there.

[00:21:43] [SPEAKER_02]: It was, I mean, I led with love.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't have, I didn't have nothing for even coming in.

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Like even though they did that to me, it wasn't to me.

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Does that make sense?

[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:21:59] [SPEAKER_08]: And I, it takes a lot of strength, internal resilience, as you talked about

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_08]: in past shows to, to, to accept that it wasn't about me.

[00:22:13] [SPEAKER_08]: When you know yourself, you know what is, what isn't about you.

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_08]: When you know yourself, you know what isn't about you.

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_08]: And that is a, that is not only a skill, but that is a real gift

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_08]: to learn that in your healing process.

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_08]: Cause you ownership still has to be yours.

[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_08]: So that's, that's really big that you experienced that and

[00:22:33] [SPEAKER_08]: you were able to actually navigate that as well.

[00:22:35] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_08]: That's not easy.

[00:22:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:22:37] [SPEAKER_08]: That's not easy.

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_02]: And so now I'm no longer allowing that betrayal to affect me.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_08]: Betrayal is a unique friend.

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_02]: And it will stay on you heavy.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_02]: It will stay on you heavy.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And so now that I know that and not saying that I'm cured of betrayal,

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_02]: cause we're never cured of anything.

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_02]: There's always that subconscious, that thing that's back here.

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_02]: But at least now I know how to work through it.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_08]: And I, I got to love that you said that because,

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_08]: because the truth is that people are like, well, you gotta forgive and forget.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_08]: I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_08]: I forgive you and I learned.

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_08]: So I can still love you again, but I also learned my lesson.

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_08]: I can't put myself back into that situation because I understand how that affects my wellness.

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_08]: We all talk about boundaries and we all talk about boundaries and triggers all the time.

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_08]: When it comes to betrayal, betrayal, you're crossing every boundary.

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_08]: You're hitting only triggers.

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_08]: You're only hitting triggers.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_08]: And so that resentment that you have is really about you

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_08]: not being enough for yourself in that moment.

[00:23:49] [SPEAKER_08]: That's what it's really about.

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_02]: That comes from you having that stuff be trail to yourself.

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_02]: So you know, I got questions, more questions for you, right?

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_02]: I feel since we talked about my thing, right?

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_07]: I was like, whoo.

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_07]: Yeah.

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_07]: You're great.

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Honestly, so I am, I'm not going to put you in a hot seat, but I,

[00:24:27] [SPEAKER_08]: I, you know how it's too late.

[00:24:31] [SPEAKER_08]: I already did it if I didn't do it already.

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[00:24:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_02]: For you and we just go through you as a man.

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you, your doctor will, you're the mind doctor.

[00:24:44] [SPEAKER_02]: You're the emotional doctor.

[00:24:45] [SPEAKER_02]: That's all of you.

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_02]: But for you, how do you get through betrayal?

[00:24:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Like, can you, can you give a time where you had to heal

[00:24:56] [SPEAKER_02]: beyond your betrayal and what steps that you take to get through?

[00:25:01] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, I'll actually do it from the perspective of me

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_08]: being the person that caused the betrayal.

[00:25:07] Right.

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_08]: So I was the person that, I was, I was the person that was wrong.

[00:25:13] [SPEAKER_08]: I'm the one that chose the wrong when I knew right and I still did wrong.

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_08]: Right.

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_08]: I chose infidelity in my life.

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_08]: And when I caused that type of pain, it wasn't just a pain that I caused that person.

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_08]: I hurt everybody around me.

[00:25:30] [SPEAKER_08]: I'm not somebody that was, you know, I'm not perfect.

[00:25:34] [SPEAKER_08]: I'm not this, this, this angel glow.

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_08]: Right.

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_08]: It's, it's really this moment where I realized that my inability to have discipline

[00:25:42] [SPEAKER_08]: and willpower caused everything around me to hurt.

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_08]: And so I felt that pain for myself.

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_08]: I also felt the pain of others, but then I had to accept that.

[00:25:54] [SPEAKER_08]: Well, what part was mine in this?

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_08]: What part was truly mine and what do I own in this?

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_08]: And to navigate through that betrayal that I even caused, it was difficult because I

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_08]: recognized that it was, it was never just about me by seeing everybody else upset.

[00:26:13] [SPEAKER_08]: But I also recognize I triggered everybody else's betrayal and their own wounds and

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_08]: their own childhood wounds.

[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_08]: And so I felt responsible for fixing their childhood wounds because I was so hurt in

[00:26:23] [SPEAKER_08]: myself.

[00:26:23] [SPEAKER_08]: A lot of times when you're hurt, you try to overextend yourself or overextend your

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_08]: capacity to make other people feel better rather than actually letting them feel what

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_08]: they want to feel and what they deserve to feel so that they can get through what

[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_08]: they need to.

[00:26:36] [SPEAKER_08]: And so I had to learn how to separate myself from their pain and work on the

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_08]: pain that I caused myself to put myself in that position in the first place.

[00:26:45] [SPEAKER_04]: Right.

[00:26:45] [SPEAKER_08]: And as a man, that is a very hard thing to do because I always talk about how

[00:26:50] [SPEAKER_08]: manhood it's hard to keep easy to lose.

[00:26:53] [SPEAKER_08]: Manhood is hard to keep easy to lose.

[00:26:55] [SPEAKER_08]: The moment you step away from this ideology or the perception of a man, you have a lot

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_08]: of making up to do.

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_08]: You have a lot of things you have to climb.

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_08]: And so the fact that I removed myself from that perception, it was hard to accept

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_08]: that I wasn't enough.

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_08]: And I had to get back to knowing that I was enough.

[00:27:17] [SPEAKER_08]: And unfortunately, you can't wait for somebody's applause.

[00:27:21] [SPEAKER_08]: Or I talked to an elder and they're like, oh, you just got to forgive yourself.

[00:27:25] [SPEAKER_08]: I'm like, that is a really difficult statement to hear.

[00:27:29] [SPEAKER_08]: You got to forgive yourself.

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_08]: Well, how the hell?

[00:27:31] [SPEAKER_08]: How is that supposed to work?

[00:27:33] [SPEAKER_08]: And I learned as when I sat, when you're still in your chaos, you realize

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_08]: that you have to be the rock or the river.

[00:27:43] [SPEAKER_08]: And a lot of us are so grown and conditioned to be the river.

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_08]: We're just trying to flow with everything that's happening sometimes.

[00:27:49] [SPEAKER_08]: You actually have to be still and watch out because chaos is a distraction.

[00:27:55] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, betrayal causes distracting causes content.

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_08]: It's all causes these type of destructive things that are so damaging to your own

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_08]: emotional profile.

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_08]: And so I had to reclaim my emotional profile in a way that I've never learned before.

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_08]: I wasn't taught how to reframe my emotional profile, my emotional needs in my statements.

[00:28:18] [SPEAKER_08]: And it was very difficult to have to accept that I'm not going to be the hero in someone's story.

[00:28:27] [SPEAKER_08]: And that hurts, especially as a man, to know that I'm not going to be the hero

[00:28:31] [SPEAKER_08]: in someone's story.

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_08]: So who does that turn you into?

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_08]: Exactly.

[00:28:38] [SPEAKER_08]: And so I had to learn that I have just as much value being a hero as much as a villain

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_08]: because the truth is that they all have a story.

[00:28:46] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[00:28:46] [SPEAKER_08]: And unfortunately, I had to recognize I had to come from a deficit,

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_08]: but I still have abundance in myself.

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_08]: I realized that I am still the worthy man.

[00:28:55] [SPEAKER_08]: I am still a good man.

[00:28:56] [SPEAKER_08]: I still can offer and provide and care and nurture.

[00:29:00] [SPEAKER_08]: And I can also correct myself.

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_08]: And I think a lot of times that betrayal that I caused made me betray my own structure

[00:29:09] [SPEAKER_08]: and my own identity and my own wellness.

[00:29:11] [SPEAKER_08]: So now I'm working through what willpower means to me.

[00:29:14] [SPEAKER_08]: And so willpower is how I'm actually recovering at this point in my life.

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_08]: What does that mean for me?

[00:29:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Right, right.

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I guess then I'm about to go down this little hole real fast, just really quick.

[00:29:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I guess what is the root of causing the betrayal?

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_08]: So principle two in my model, unmet needs result in irrational behaviors.

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_08]: Any unmet needs result in irrational behaviors.

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_08]: Usually when people do behaviors that are not functionally positive

[00:29:46] [SPEAKER_08]: or they might be dysfunctional, it's typically because there's an unmet need that's occurring

[00:29:52] [SPEAKER_08]: that they have not communicated.

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_08]: They have not expressed.

[00:29:55] [SPEAKER_08]: They have avoided or they attempted, but they don't feel like they have the capacity to try again.

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_08]: And so they may not have the support, the resource,

[00:30:03] [SPEAKER_08]: the model or even the proper intention to even do the change as needed

[00:30:08] [SPEAKER_08]: because they're getting results, right?

[00:30:10] [SPEAKER_08]: This motive, if I do this, I'll get this.

[00:30:12] [SPEAKER_08]: The instant gratification can be a terrible thing if you don't know how to nurture that, right?

[00:30:17] [SPEAKER_08]: So we talk about impulses a lot, right?

[00:30:20] [SPEAKER_08]: And if you can't learn to be still in an impulse,

[00:30:23] [SPEAKER_08]: you don't understand what the impulse actually needs.

[00:30:26] [SPEAKER_08]: You learn what the impulse wants, but you don't know what the impulse actually needs.

[00:30:35] [SPEAKER_02]: That's good.

[00:30:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[00:30:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Let me go to my next question because I'm over here thinking.

[00:30:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[00:30:45] [SPEAKER_02]: How can betrayal affect a person's ability to trust others in the future?

[00:30:49] [SPEAKER_02]: And what can be done to rebuild that trust?

[00:30:55] [SPEAKER_02]: On the side of the one who did the betrayal, the villain,

[00:31:00] [SPEAKER_02]: and then also on the other side, the victim.

[00:31:05] [SPEAKER_08]: So the biggest thing is this is going to be really hard to say this,

[00:31:12] [SPEAKER_08]: but the truth is that you can't build trust.

[00:31:18] [SPEAKER_08]: People are going to disagree with me on this,

[00:31:22] [SPEAKER_08]: but I've learned through working with so many people that you can't just build trust.

[00:31:29] [SPEAKER_08]: Trust is or trust isn't.

[00:31:33] [SPEAKER_08]: Trust is or trust isn't.

[00:31:35] [SPEAKER_08]: And you can find more comfort with trust.

[00:31:38] [SPEAKER_08]: But what happens is that we don't lose trust with that person.

[00:31:41] [SPEAKER_08]: We lose trusting ourselves about who we are with that person.

[00:31:45] [SPEAKER_08]: So if I don't trust you, it's not because of what you are or what you aren't doing.

[00:31:52] [SPEAKER_08]: It's about is this who I want to be regardless of where I am around you?

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_08]: Am I going to be who I want to be around you?

[00:32:02] [SPEAKER_08]: Am I able to be who I am around you and not get blocked?

[00:32:06] [SPEAKER_08]: And so for the villain, it's kind of like,

[00:32:09] [SPEAKER_08]: I have to accept that this is who I am and this is who I'm going to be

[00:32:12] [SPEAKER_08]: and this is what I've decided.

[00:32:14] [SPEAKER_08]: You as a victim have to understand that,

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_08]: hey, I recognize who I have to be

[00:32:19] [SPEAKER_08]: and I have to trust that I'm doing what I need to do

[00:32:22] [SPEAKER_08]: because once again, forgive and forget doesn't really work.

[00:32:26] [SPEAKER_08]: I have to forgive and learn the lesson.

[00:32:29] [SPEAKER_08]: And are you strong enough internally and aligned enough

[00:32:32] [SPEAKER_08]: to trust yourself to be who you are regardless of the situation?

[00:32:37] [SPEAKER_08]: And what is that called? Integrity.

[00:32:40] [SPEAKER_08]: You have to have that integrity to know that I know who I was,

[00:32:44] [SPEAKER_08]: I know who I'm not and I know who I'm trying to be and I'm okay with that.

[00:32:50] [SPEAKER_08]: And a lot of times it's hard for us to put all those three together in one person.

[00:32:54] [SPEAKER_08]: So that causes the distortions or any mental illnesses that may arise sometimes

[00:32:59] [SPEAKER_08]: because we don't know how to, the way we think,

[00:33:02] [SPEAKER_08]: the way we feel and the way we know and do are all misaligned.

[00:33:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.

[00:33:09] [SPEAKER_02]: So that's kind of what we're talking, this is my next question right here.

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_02]: You kind of touched a little bit on the next question

[00:33:14] [SPEAKER_02]: is could you discuss the potential long-term or psychological effects

[00:33:18] [SPEAKER_02]: of betrayal such as PTSD or any anxiety disorder?

[00:33:22] [SPEAKER_02]: So even you kind of touched a little bit on that as you were just speaking.

[00:33:25] [SPEAKER_02]: If you can continue.

[00:33:26] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, yeah, of course.

[00:33:28] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, so I had a client that has a lot of betrayal right now

[00:33:31] [SPEAKER_08]: and they suffer from anxiety disorder, a true anxiety,

[00:33:33] [SPEAKER_08]: not just being nervous all the time,

[00:33:35] [SPEAKER_08]: like a true anxiety disorder.

[00:33:39] [SPEAKER_08]: And they have learned that through their own betrayal

[00:33:42] [SPEAKER_08]: and what they've went through, their anxiety always questions what if.

[00:33:45] [SPEAKER_08]: It's a story of what if, what if I don't get this?

[00:33:47] [SPEAKER_08]: What if I don't work?

[00:33:48] [SPEAKER_08]: What if it doesn't work out?

[00:33:49] [SPEAKER_08]: What if they hurt me again?

[00:33:50] [SPEAKER_08]: What if they happen?

[00:33:51] [SPEAKER_08]: What if, and the more they're asking questions about them,

[00:33:55] [SPEAKER_08]: the more they're getting further away from who they are.

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:33:59] [SPEAKER_08]: Right, and so to be able to ground yourself

[00:34:02] [SPEAKER_08]: with knowing that there's a form of humility

[00:34:06] [SPEAKER_08]: of accepting that, hey, this person isn't enough

[00:34:11] [SPEAKER_08]: and I recognize that I also don't have to be everything for that person.

[00:34:16] [SPEAKER_08]: We have this weird sense of ownership and possession with people

[00:34:19] [SPEAKER_08]: that causes us to make people think

[00:34:22] [SPEAKER_08]: that they should be more responsible for us than we are for ourselves.

[00:34:25] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:34:26] [SPEAKER_08]: You know, so it's a reframing that has to happen

[00:34:30] [SPEAKER_08]: and a lot of times cognitive behavioral therapy is a great start

[00:34:33] [SPEAKER_08]: into learning who am I, what am I not,

[00:34:37] [SPEAKER_08]: and why do I think I have to be everything.

[00:34:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Right, now say that again because it sounded like it was a little muffle

[00:34:42] [SPEAKER_02]: so our listeners can hear what you just said.

[00:34:45] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:34:46] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, so cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT is a great start

[00:34:49] [SPEAKER_08]: into learning who I am, who I'm not, what's the capacity, right?

[00:34:56] [SPEAKER_08]: And also what is also my limitation.

[00:34:58] [SPEAKER_08]: I didn't say that part but it's also important

[00:35:01] [SPEAKER_08]: to work within the limitations of your greatness too.

[00:35:05] [SPEAKER_08]: We don't talk about that often but actually limiting yourself

[00:35:08] [SPEAKER_08]: makes you even greater as well.

[00:35:10] [SPEAKER_08]: That's why you see all these amazing athletes and professionals

[00:35:13] [SPEAKER_08]: that are so famous is because they limited themselves

[00:35:16] [SPEAKER_08]: in other ways to focus on that one specific thing

[00:35:19] [SPEAKER_08]: to do extremely well.

[00:35:21] [SPEAKER_08]: Think if you did that with your heart and your mind and your spirits.

[00:35:26] [SPEAKER_08]: Think about who you talk to with that type of focus.

[00:35:31] [SPEAKER_08]: That's the type of self-love that we want to see.

[00:35:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's what I'm talking about.

[00:35:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Just look at that.

[00:35:42] [SPEAKER_02]: You know usually I'm not too often lost for words

[00:35:45] [SPEAKER_02]: but I was sitting here like okay he got a preacher.

[00:35:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Come on Dr. Will, I'm writing an I.D.

[00:35:49] [SPEAKER_07]: Look, I had to come back before you,

[00:35:51] [SPEAKER_07]: you had to come in with fire and I had to cool it down for a second.

[00:35:54] [SPEAKER_07]: I had to get golden.

[00:35:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Now that was good.

[00:36:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's go to the next question.

[00:36:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I have three here and I'm trying to which one that...

[00:36:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, here we go.

[00:36:12] [SPEAKER_02]: What are some common coping mechanisms

[00:36:14] [SPEAKER_02]: that people might adopt after experiencing betrayal

[00:36:17] [SPEAKER_02]: and how can they shift towards a healthier strategy?

[00:36:22] [SPEAKER_08]: Yes, so three things.

[00:36:24] [SPEAKER_08]: The first thing is make a playlist of the person you want to be

[00:36:30] [SPEAKER_08]: after this is all over.

[00:36:32] [SPEAKER_08]: We always need a reminder of who we want to be

[00:36:36] [SPEAKER_08]: and a lot of times music is a great channel,

[00:36:38] [SPEAKER_08]: a medium to help channel that heart space, right?

[00:36:43] [SPEAKER_08]: Being pouring back into yourself because a lot of times

[00:36:45] [SPEAKER_08]: like you said earlier betrayal you pour out a lot in betrayal

[00:36:49] [SPEAKER_08]: so you got to pour back in.

[00:36:51] [SPEAKER_08]: The second thing is to do a narrative therapy exercise.

[00:36:56] [SPEAKER_08]: I'll give people three pieces of paper, right?

[00:37:01] [SPEAKER_08]: On the first sheet you write what are you currently going through.

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_08]: You draw it, no words, just draw it however you want to draw it,

[00:37:09] [SPEAKER_08]: whatever it looks like, use crayons, whatever it is.

[00:37:12] [SPEAKER_08]: The second page, if everything could just be better

[00:37:15] [SPEAKER_08]: and you have no problem and everything would be back

[00:37:18] [SPEAKER_08]: to how you want it to be or how you want it to move forward

[00:37:20] [SPEAKER_08]: how you want to look, put it on that page.

[00:37:22] [SPEAKER_08]: Draw it any colors, no letters, no words.

[00:37:26] [SPEAKER_08]: You can use letters sometimes but try to stay away from words

[00:37:29] [SPEAKER_08]: and then you put them on the left and right

[00:37:31] [SPEAKER_08]: and then you take that third page and you ask yourself

[00:37:36] [SPEAKER_08]: what do I need to get from the first one to the third one?

[00:37:41] [SPEAKER_08]: What's this second page need from me?

[00:37:43] [SPEAKER_08]: What does this page need from me

[00:37:45] [SPEAKER_08]: so that I can bridge these two things together?

[00:37:48] [SPEAKER_08]: That's the work.

[00:37:49] [SPEAKER_08]: So it's a narrative exercise.

[00:37:52] [SPEAKER_08]: And then lastly, you got to start listening to yourself again.

[00:37:56] [SPEAKER_08]: A lot of times when you go through betrayal

[00:37:57] [SPEAKER_08]: you forget what your voice sounds like,

[00:37:59] [SPEAKER_08]: you forget how much you mean to yourself,

[00:38:01] [SPEAKER_08]: you forget how valuable you are,

[00:38:03] [SPEAKER_08]: you forget what you can trust and what you can't trust.

[00:38:05] [SPEAKER_08]: You start questioning other people

[00:38:07] [SPEAKER_08]: about why they're not doing what you need.

[00:38:09] [SPEAKER_08]: You don't know how to ask for help,

[00:38:10] [SPEAKER_08]: you're just expecting people.

[00:38:12] [SPEAKER_08]: It's hard to speak up for yourself.

[00:38:14] [SPEAKER_08]: It's hard.

[00:38:15] [SPEAKER_08]: And so that third one so important is

[00:38:18] [SPEAKER_08]: pouring back into yourself so listening to yourself.

[00:38:21] [SPEAKER_08]: I love doing audio journals where I like to speak

[00:38:24] [SPEAKER_08]: about my day and about who I was today,

[00:38:28] [SPEAKER_08]: who I wanted to be today

[00:38:29] [SPEAKER_08]: and what I'm going to be doing tomorrow.

[00:38:31] [SPEAKER_08]: And then I go to sleep and I wake up in the morning

[00:38:33] [SPEAKER_08]: and I listen to myself hearing

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_08]: what was my best advice in my story?

[00:38:40] [SPEAKER_08]: When you start giving yourself your best advice

[00:38:43] [SPEAKER_08]: it's a beautiful thing.

[00:38:45] [SPEAKER_08]: Because a lot of us had the answer in us.

[00:38:47] [SPEAKER_08]: We just forget how to listen to ourselves.

[00:38:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[00:38:51] [SPEAKER_02]: We do.

[00:38:51] [SPEAKER_02]: It's so funny even when we're counseling people

[00:38:54] [SPEAKER_02]: or talking, coaching people,

[00:38:57] [SPEAKER_02]: the very advice that we give is the mirror image

[00:38:59] [SPEAKER_02]: of the advice that we need to give ourselves.

[00:39:01] [SPEAKER_02]: But for some reason it's like it's over our head

[00:39:06] [SPEAKER_02]: or we just think it doesn't pertain to us.

[00:39:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Which I'm like, no, yes.

[00:39:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I think that was different about my journey now

[00:39:17] [SPEAKER_02]: which in the past years my journey has been so different

[00:39:21] [SPEAKER_02]: because before I would give advice all the time.

[00:39:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Some I would take for myself, some I wouldn't.

[00:39:29] [SPEAKER_02]: We're like, okay, whatever.

[00:39:30] [SPEAKER_02]: But now I know those things

[00:39:32] [SPEAKER_02]: that I should have been hearing myself

[00:39:35] [SPEAKER_02]: because honestly I was attracting that energy.

[00:39:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I was attracting those, you understand what I'm saying?

[00:39:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I was attracting those people that was coming

[00:39:43] [SPEAKER_02]: because evidently they'd say, well, she might,

[00:39:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I've been through the shit.

[00:39:49] [SPEAKER_08]: You know, it's real.

[00:39:51] [SPEAKER_08]: It's real.

[00:39:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, they want it all.

[00:39:52] [SPEAKER_08]: People want that.

[00:39:53] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:39:54] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:39:55] [SPEAKER_08]: And I think that's beautiful.

[00:39:57] [SPEAKER_08]: But you walk in your healing, right?

[00:40:01] [SPEAKER_08]: And when I say walk in healing,

[00:40:02] [SPEAKER_08]: I don't mean like you're floating

[00:40:04] [SPEAKER_08]: and there's like glitter and glam.

[00:40:06] [SPEAKER_08]: I mean, you walk through who you've been,

[00:40:09] [SPEAKER_08]: who you are and who you will be.

[00:40:11] Yeah.

[00:40:12] [SPEAKER_08]: I have to.

[00:40:12] [SPEAKER_08]: And no one's gonna question that.

[00:40:14] [SPEAKER_08]: But now everybody's gonna do it

[00:40:15] [SPEAKER_08]: and they watch you being that example,

[00:40:17] [SPEAKER_08]: which is amazing that they can watch

[00:40:19] [SPEAKER_08]: and they can trust that.

[00:40:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:40:21] [SPEAKER_02]: For years I had to lie about my age.

[00:40:25] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?

[00:40:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Like seriously, like I couldn't be who

[00:40:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I truly wanted to be.

[00:40:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I had to be on all the time.

[00:40:32] [SPEAKER_02]: So you couldn't see me without my hat.

[00:40:35] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?

[00:40:35] [SPEAKER_02]: You couldn't see me without my eyes.

[00:40:39] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I had to be the Naomi Banks

[00:40:41] [SPEAKER_02]: and before that I had a whole different character

[00:40:44] [SPEAKER_02]: that I was, you know what I was doing.

[00:40:46] [SPEAKER_02]: So I was never allowed to just be who I am now.

[00:40:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Just the, just all of it all in one.

[00:40:53] [SPEAKER_02]: So you will see me on with my dress up

[00:40:57] [SPEAKER_02]: and me and some records.

[00:40:58] [SPEAKER_02]: So it's working out having a good time

[00:41:00] [SPEAKER_02]: with my Western name out.

[00:41:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:41:03] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:41:05] [SPEAKER_08]: And that's what makes you unlimited.

[00:41:08] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:41:08] [SPEAKER_08]: The true power to being unlimited

[00:41:13] [SPEAKER_08]: is being yourself.

[00:41:14] Yes.

[00:41:16] [SPEAKER_08]: Right?

[00:41:17] [SPEAKER_08]: And apologetically.

[00:41:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[00:41:20] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:41:20] [SPEAKER_08]: That's the gift.

[00:41:23] [SPEAKER_00]: That is.

[00:41:25] [SPEAKER_02]: There we go.

[00:41:26] [SPEAKER_02]: See this.

[00:41:27] [SPEAKER_02]: We got back on his back and we ride.

[00:41:29] [SPEAKER_02]: We're back.

[00:41:30] [SPEAKER_07]: This bike, this bike is a lot better than I thought.

[00:41:32] [SPEAKER_07]: I forgot.

[00:41:36] [SPEAKER_07]: Love it.

[00:41:37] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:41:38] [SPEAKER_02]: So before we go, I want to ask you this

[00:41:40] [SPEAKER_02]: and I know you can't stand in there

[00:41:42] [SPEAKER_02]: but could you share a case to study

[00:41:43] [SPEAKER_02]: or example of a practice that illustrates

[00:41:46] [SPEAKER_02]: the successful journey of healing from prayer?

[00:41:50] [SPEAKER_08]: Yes.

[00:41:51] [SPEAKER_08]: So it starts off with the awareness, right?

[00:41:56] [SPEAKER_08]: The awareness of recognizing that I've been betrayed.

[00:42:00] [SPEAKER_08]: Then you go through,

[00:42:01] [SPEAKER_08]: it's almost like the stages of grief, right?

[00:42:03] [SPEAKER_08]: You go through this rage.

[00:42:05] [SPEAKER_08]: You go this how could I, this shock,

[00:42:07] [SPEAKER_08]: this awe, this hurt, this pain,

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER_08]: this regret, this resentment.

[00:42:10] [SPEAKER_08]: I call it emotional malignancies.

[00:42:13] [SPEAKER_08]: So the emotional malignancy cycle is you react,

[00:42:16] [SPEAKER_08]: then you start rationalizing,

[00:42:18] [SPEAKER_08]: then you have remorse, shame or guilt,

[00:42:20] [SPEAKER_08]: then you have resentment,

[00:42:22] [SPEAKER_08]: and then you have regret.

[00:42:24] [SPEAKER_08]: You keep cycling it.

[00:42:25] [SPEAKER_08]: You react, you rationalize,

[00:42:26] [SPEAKER_08]: you remorse, you resent, you regret,

[00:42:28] [SPEAKER_08]: and you keep cycling that

[00:42:29] [SPEAKER_08]: and then you end up becoming emotionally calloused.

[00:42:34] [SPEAKER_08]: The feelings and feelings in words,

[00:42:37] [SPEAKER_08]: they don't feel the same anymore.

[00:42:39] [SPEAKER_08]: Things don't feel the same.

[00:42:40] [SPEAKER_08]: It doesn't taste the same.

[00:42:41] [SPEAKER_08]: Food doesn't taste the same.

[00:42:42] [SPEAKER_08]: People don't feel the same.

[00:42:43] [SPEAKER_08]: You become calloused to it.

[00:42:45] [SPEAKER_08]: You just, it's almost about,

[00:42:46] [SPEAKER_08]: almost feeling numb almost, right?

[00:42:48] [SPEAKER_08]: And then, and that's self-inflicting behavior, right?

[00:42:51] [SPEAKER_08]: So you're in this stage where you're just turning in

[00:42:53] [SPEAKER_08]: and you're just self-inflicting so much.

[00:42:56] [SPEAKER_08]: After a while, you start toning down to possibilities.

[00:43:00] [SPEAKER_08]: So it's during that hurt period,

[00:43:01] [SPEAKER_08]: you remove the options that are possible

[00:43:04] [SPEAKER_08]: to actually healing you

[00:43:04] [SPEAKER_08]: because you just can't deal with another wrong thing.

[00:43:08] [SPEAKER_08]: Right.

[00:43:09] [SPEAKER_08]: Just can't.

[00:43:11] [SPEAKER_08]: And then we get into this education, right?

[00:43:14] [SPEAKER_08]: So you go from awareness to this education

[00:43:16] [SPEAKER_08]: where you learn that,

[00:43:18] [SPEAKER_08]: well, what really did happen?

[00:43:20] [SPEAKER_08]: What really was going on?

[00:43:23] [SPEAKER_08]: You start being a little more curious, right?

[00:43:26] [SPEAKER_08]: The action is never the reason, principle one.

[00:43:28] [SPEAKER_08]: The action is never the reason.

[00:43:29] [SPEAKER_08]: Was it really this way

[00:43:31] [SPEAKER_08]: or was it just because I just couldn't handle it?

[00:43:33] [SPEAKER_08]: Let me see what was really going on.

[00:43:34] [SPEAKER_08]: Let me get the story.

[00:43:35] [SPEAKER_08]: Let me get the narrative

[00:43:36] [SPEAKER_08]: so I can stop objectifying my trauma

[00:43:38] [SPEAKER_08]: and actually own my trauma.

[00:43:40] [SPEAKER_08]: Right.

[00:43:41] [SPEAKER_08]: A lot of times we objectify trauma,

[00:43:42] [SPEAKER_08]: which is why it gets so big.

[00:43:43] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.

[00:43:44] [SPEAKER_08]: Right.

[00:43:44] [SPEAKER_08]: So now after the education moment,

[00:43:48] [SPEAKER_08]: then we start worrying on the application.

[00:43:50] [SPEAKER_08]: So what do I need to do to actually

[00:43:54] [SPEAKER_08]: not heal with my trauma but heal from the trauma?

[00:43:58] [SPEAKER_08]: Right.

[00:43:58] [SPEAKER_08]: Because a lot of people will heal with their trauma

[00:44:00] [SPEAKER_08]: if they don't talk about it

[00:44:01] [SPEAKER_08]: and then they become connected.

[00:44:03] [SPEAKER_08]: But you have to heal from it, right?

[00:44:06] [SPEAKER_08]: You have to.

[00:44:06] [SPEAKER_08]: And so the application part is being open to therapy,

[00:44:09] [SPEAKER_08]: being open to being life coached,

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_08]: being open to being coached in a way

[00:44:13] [SPEAKER_08]: that changes your lifestyle

[00:44:15] [SPEAKER_08]: because your lifestyle led you susceptible to betrayal.

[00:44:20] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:44:20] [SPEAKER_08]: Now you have to leave a lifestyle

[00:44:22] [SPEAKER_08]: that does not have betrayal in the equation.

[00:44:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.

[00:44:26] [SPEAKER_08]: Right.

[00:44:27] [SPEAKER_08]: So the awareness, the education and the application.

[00:44:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

[00:44:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

[00:44:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

[00:44:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Woo!

[00:44:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Well guess what?

[00:44:36] [SPEAKER_02]: We have the end.

[00:44:38] [SPEAKER_02]: We have the end of the shit.

[00:44:39] [SPEAKER_06]: Wow.

[00:44:40] [SPEAKER_06]: You did it.

[00:44:41] [SPEAKER_06]: You did it.

[00:44:41] [SPEAKER_06]: You did it.

[00:44:42] [SPEAKER_06]: You did it.

[00:44:44] [SPEAKER_06]: Yes.

[00:44:45] [SPEAKER_06]: Yes.

[00:44:46] [SPEAKER_02]: All right, my beautiful people.

[00:44:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I know this is season two

[00:44:49] [SPEAKER_02]: and I just have been so excited to get back to it.

[00:44:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I missed it.

[00:44:54] [SPEAKER_02]: I miss y'all.

[00:44:54] [SPEAKER_02]: I miss you, Dr. Will.

[00:44:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I missed it like I missed a pair of pants.

[00:45:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, y'all know I'm not even aware.

[00:45:05] [SPEAKER_08]: You're right.

[00:45:06] [SPEAKER_08]: I was on and off the floor.

[00:45:07] [SPEAKER_08]: It's okay.

[00:45:07] [SPEAKER_08]: It's like it's who they are.

[00:45:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[00:45:11] [SPEAKER_02]: But honestly, yeah truly we got y'all.

[00:45:16] [SPEAKER_02]: We really do.

[00:45:16] [SPEAKER_02]: We got y'all here at this season of Self Love podcast

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_02]: and you know I play Dr. Will's his commercial all the time

[00:45:25] [SPEAKER_02]: because yes you listen to us here every day you know also

[00:45:29] [SPEAKER_02]: but and this is just for you to do at home.

[00:45:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Some work that you do at home

[00:45:32] [SPEAKER_02]: but it's still good to always go find that therapist.

[00:45:35] [SPEAKER_02]: It's always good to find that person

[00:45:38] [SPEAKER_02]: and you got him right here, right here.

[00:45:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Dr. Will did not.

[00:45:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm ready.

[00:45:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a life coach.

[00:45:44] [SPEAKER_02]: You know I'm gonna give it to you real raw and uncut too

[00:45:48] [SPEAKER_02]: where we can do it but seriously I cannot say this

[00:45:54] [SPEAKER_02]: and just really stronger.

[00:45:57] [SPEAKER_02]: This world is not getting any better

[00:46:01] [SPEAKER_02]: until we start doing our own work

[00:46:06] [SPEAKER_02]: and it has to start somewhere

[00:46:07] [SPEAKER_02]: and when I say I see tons and tons of self-help podcasts

[00:46:13] [SPEAKER_02]: and self-help books and ebooks

[00:46:15] [SPEAKER_02]: and a lot of things that I've saw

[00:46:17] [SPEAKER_02]: and I knew that the things that I wanted to give

[00:46:21] [SPEAKER_02]: and wanted to put out there

[00:46:22] [SPEAKER_02]: I knew that it had to be different.

[00:46:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I knew that it had to be authentic.

[00:46:26] [SPEAKER_02]: I knew that it couldn't be you know this.

[00:46:27] [SPEAKER_02]: I knew that I had to come from my heart

[00:46:31] [SPEAKER_02]: and my spirit and my soul.

[00:46:33] [SPEAKER_02]: I had to use my stories in each one of these ebooks

[00:46:36] [SPEAKER_02]: that I'm writing because I've been through it.

[00:46:39] [SPEAKER_02]: You understand what I'm saying?

[00:46:40] [SPEAKER_02]: And so know that whatever that you get from me

[00:46:43] [SPEAKER_02]: and know that whatever that you're getting from Dr. Will

[00:46:45] [SPEAKER_02]: and anyone else that we bring on this stage to this front

[00:46:49] [SPEAKER_02]: is that they have been through it

[00:46:51] [SPEAKER_02]: and so they're not giving you anything

[00:46:53] [SPEAKER_02]: that is just learned from a book.

[00:46:55] [SPEAKER_02]: They're giving you from experience as well.

[00:46:58] [SPEAKER_02]: When I tell you we got y'all this month,

[00:47:01] [SPEAKER_02]: we got y'all this month.

[00:47:03] [SPEAKER_02]: So if any moment of time right now

[00:47:04] [SPEAKER_02]: that you guys are hearing from,

[00:47:06] [SPEAKER_02]: healing from a betrayal from infidelity

[00:47:10] [SPEAKER_02]: from just anything

[00:47:13] [SPEAKER_02]: and I don't know why infidelity is just on my mind

[00:47:15] [SPEAKER_02]: because I think I had been through it.

[00:47:18] [SPEAKER_07]: I'm still there.

[00:47:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Even with self-love just even with yourself

[00:47:23] [SPEAKER_02]: that's the biggest thing

[00:47:24] [SPEAKER_02]: that's what we want to get to first.

[00:47:27] [SPEAKER_02]: First you have to heal this first,

[00:47:31] [SPEAKER_02]: heal you first, whoever you are.

[00:47:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Tom, Joe, Mary, Sue, Gwen.

[00:47:37] [SPEAKER_08]: Sharanda, Sherry.

[00:47:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Shakweeda, whoever you are listening.

[00:47:42] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?

[00:47:43] [SPEAKER_02]: This podcast is for you.

[00:47:46] [SPEAKER_02]: It is for you.

[00:47:49] [SPEAKER_02]: So now we're opening up our Facebook group.

[00:47:51] [SPEAKER_02]: We have a Facebook group that's going on

[00:47:53] [SPEAKER_02]: actually right now I got a 30-day challenge

[00:47:56] [SPEAKER_02]: that's going on it's called Hurt to Hope.

[00:47:59] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a 30-day challenge of healing beyond the betrayal

[00:48:01] [SPEAKER_02]: where every day is something different.

[00:48:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Started on September 1st,

[00:48:07] [SPEAKER_02]: that very first day it was writing a letter

[00:48:09] [SPEAKER_02]: to yourself about the betrayal.

[00:48:11] [SPEAKER_02]: So Dr. Will said a little bit about

[00:48:14] [SPEAKER_02]: about writing to yourself

[00:48:15] [SPEAKER_02]: or speaking to yourself about things.

[00:48:17] [SPEAKER_02]: So within that letter that you write to yourself

[00:48:20] [SPEAKER_02]: and if you just start today

[00:48:22] [SPEAKER_02]: if you just start today write it.

[00:48:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Don't hold back, be real raw and uncut with yourself.

[00:48:29] [SPEAKER_02]: And then when you finish with it

[00:48:31] [SPEAKER_02]: when you finish with it

[00:48:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna say this take it and hold it to your heart

[00:48:36] [SPEAKER_02]: and say I forgive you.

[00:48:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Say this because you didn't know no better

[00:48:41] [SPEAKER_02]: in that betrayal and I guarantee you

[00:48:44] [SPEAKER_02]: that other person don't know no damn better

[00:48:46] [SPEAKER_02]: and that's just the honest to God truth.

[00:48:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not giving nobody an excuse but I'm just saying.

[00:48:54] [SPEAKER_08]: It's amazing when you realize you're human.

[00:48:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah and then I got an e-book.

[00:48:59] [SPEAKER_02]: An e-book, yes I got an e-book

[00:49:01] [SPEAKER_02]: and this e-book is phenomenal.

[00:49:02] [SPEAKER_07]: I'm reading this.

[00:49:03] [SPEAKER_02]: It's 55 pages look it's 55 pages

[00:49:06] [SPEAKER_02]: not only of my experience and my testimony resources

[00:49:10] [SPEAKER_02]: and all of that other stuff

[00:49:11] [SPEAKER_02]: but there is worksheets in it and workbooks in it.

[00:49:14] [SPEAKER_02]: These are things that I've been doing

[00:49:16] [SPEAKER_02]: throughout the years not understanding why I was doing.

[00:49:19] [SPEAKER_02]: If I can tell you how many little papers

[00:49:22] [SPEAKER_02]: and things that I got notebooks that have written in

[00:49:25] [SPEAKER_02]: and just going and when I tell you God we working on me

[00:49:30] [SPEAKER_02]: and I not even know yeah.

[00:49:35] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, see that could be a month right?

[00:49:37] [SPEAKER_08]: You can read that book in one month five pages a day.

[00:49:40] [SPEAKER_08]: Yeah, literally could be that could be a month

[00:49:42] [SPEAKER_08]: your month book right there.

[00:49:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, 55 pages and guess what starting next week

[00:49:50] [SPEAKER_02]: we'll have a Patreon page.

[00:49:54] [SPEAKER_07]: Oh, okay upgrades are nice.

[00:49:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, upgrades are nice see that three months

[00:49:59] [SPEAKER_02]: that I took off I was doing something.

[00:50:02] [SPEAKER_08]: Right, right I was like see I was just sad

[00:50:05] [SPEAKER_08]: see I was just sitting sad you actually doing something.

[00:50:08] [SPEAKER_08]: I'm mad love it.

[00:50:11] [SPEAKER_02]: No seriously like man when I tell you

[00:50:15] [SPEAKER_02]: when I look at my girls

[00:50:17] [SPEAKER_02]: when I look at my family when I look at my baby

[00:50:19] [SPEAKER_02]: when I look I just say you know

[00:50:21] [SPEAKER_02]: it's time for us to truly do our work really

[00:50:26] [SPEAKER_02]: and I think we sit a lot

[00:50:29] [SPEAKER_02]: and we go through the motions of life.

[00:50:35] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?

[00:50:35] [SPEAKER_02]: We just go through the motions of life

[00:50:37] [SPEAKER_02]: and we just sit there and just watch it go by

[00:50:39] [SPEAKER_02]: and not knowing that any time it's time to jump in

[00:50:43] [SPEAKER_02]: and other people say

[00:50:44] [SPEAKER_02]: but you always been jumping in not all the way

[00:50:48] [SPEAKER_02]: not all the way and I can be very honest

[00:50:50] [SPEAKER_02]: now I'll just probably just put my foot in

[00:50:52] [SPEAKER_02]: and my hand in like this.

[00:50:59] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like this and then I'm holding on

[00:51:00] [SPEAKER_01]: to the building like this.

[00:51:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Now I have jumped all the way in.

[00:51:10] [SPEAKER_07]: It's just full steam okay full steam

[00:51:13] [SPEAKER_07]: full steam.

[00:51:15] [SPEAKER_02]: I have jumped all the way in

[00:51:17] [SPEAKER_02]: and what I have learned too is

[00:51:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I've learned to not listen to those around me

[00:51:23] [SPEAKER_02]: when they say girl you doing too much

[00:51:26] [SPEAKER_02]: slow down you doing

[00:51:27] [SPEAKER_02]: you ain't doing enough

[00:51:29] [SPEAKER_02]: you know and it's so funny right

[00:51:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I had a conversation with my mom

[00:51:34] [SPEAKER_02]: was it yesterday morning I went

[00:51:35] [SPEAKER_02]: after I gave her her lion's mane tea

[00:51:39] [SPEAKER_02]: and her breakfast you know we sit down

[00:51:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I was talking to her and I was telling her

[00:51:44] [SPEAKER_02]: that I had quite a few interviews to do this week

[00:51:48] [SPEAKER_02]: and but I was so excited

[00:51:49] [SPEAKER_02]: because I remember one of the interviews

[00:51:51] [SPEAKER_02]: that I had was just it was just gave me life

[00:51:54] [SPEAKER_02]: but I knew that all of this work

[00:51:57] [SPEAKER_02]: was supposed to happen

[00:51:59] [SPEAKER_02]: and it felt so good even though

[00:52:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm in my studio in my home

[00:52:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I felt like I was in another room

[00:52:05] [SPEAKER_02]: another room that I was supposed to be in

[00:52:07] [SPEAKER_02]: another room that I was not the smartest person

[00:52:10] [SPEAKER_02]: or I was the one that not have connection

[00:52:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I always pray to be in the room

[00:52:15] [SPEAKER_02]: that I wasn't the one

[00:52:17] [SPEAKER_02]: that was the smartest person

[00:52:20] [SPEAKER_02]: and I always wanted to be in that room

[00:52:22] [SPEAKER_02]: where I can sit and I can learn

[00:52:23] [SPEAKER_02]: from those that's you know that's in that room

[00:52:26] [SPEAKER_02]: and I learned and I've been learning

[00:52:28] [SPEAKER_02]: and that's been the most amazing

[00:52:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I do very well on my own

[00:52:32] [SPEAKER_02]: but I can do so much greater

[00:52:33] [SPEAKER_02]: when I have other people with me

[00:52:36] [SPEAKER_02]: that's why when you and I conversate

[00:52:38] [SPEAKER_02]: and we sit in this room together

[00:52:39] [SPEAKER_08]: it's a powerhouse

[00:52:40] [SPEAKER_02]: you know what I'm saying yeah

[00:52:41] [SPEAKER_08]: it's really a powerhouse

[00:52:43] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah and I love to be in those things

[00:52:46] [SPEAKER_02]: not the one do I love giving advice

[00:52:49] [SPEAKER_02]: hell yeah I guess I do

[00:52:50] [SPEAKER_02]: but I also want somebody hey hey hey

[00:52:54] [SPEAKER_01]: you know what I mean

[00:52:59] [SPEAKER_08]: I gotta say though

[00:53:00] [SPEAKER_08]: I do love being in a room

[00:53:02] [SPEAKER_08]: where I can speak everything I know

[00:53:04] [SPEAKER_08]: because I go to rooms where I'm like

[00:53:06] [SPEAKER_08]: oh okay I gotta speak two out of five

[00:53:09] [SPEAKER_08]: okay so some rooms I gotta be like

[00:53:10] [SPEAKER_08]: okay I can only speak one out of five

[00:53:12] [SPEAKER_08]: so I enjoy being able to be like

[00:53:14] [SPEAKER_08]: oh there are no numbers in this conversation

[00:53:15] [SPEAKER_08]: I can just go wherever I need to go

[00:53:18] [SPEAKER_08]: yeah you know

[00:53:18] [SPEAKER_08]: so I have to filter my language

[00:53:20] [SPEAKER_08]: and my intellect a lot

[00:53:21] [SPEAKER_08]: so I appreciate being able to be like

[00:53:24] [SPEAKER_08]: I can just say whatever I need to say

[00:53:26] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah no I be wanting it

[00:53:28] [SPEAKER_08]: I love it I love that

[00:53:31] [SPEAKER_08]: yeah I love it

[00:53:32] [SPEAKER_08]: because some people I sometimes

[00:53:33] [SPEAKER_08]: I look at rooms I'm like

[00:53:36] [SPEAKER_08]: no I'm good

[00:53:41] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah all right my beautiful people

[00:53:43] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah you know as we close today's episode

[00:53:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I want let's reflect on a few affirmations

[00:53:48] [SPEAKER_02]: that I want you to pre-empt for me

[00:53:50] [SPEAKER_02]: I am worthy of true trust and love

[00:53:56] [SPEAKER_02]: and the next one I am resilient

[00:54:00] [SPEAKER_02]: and the last one I embrace healing and transformation

[00:54:12] [SPEAKER_02]: that is all do you have any last words

[00:54:15] [SPEAKER_02]: dr will before we really close this out

[00:54:18] [SPEAKER_08]: yeah be kind to yourself and heal always

[00:54:22] [SPEAKER_02]: there we go again guys thank you for joining us today

[00:54:26] [SPEAKER_02]: and please share your stories

[00:54:27] [SPEAKER_02]: your feedbacks on our social media or our website

[00:54:30] [SPEAKER_02]: and join us tomorrow as we continue our series

[00:54:33] [SPEAKER_02]: on healing beyond betrayal

[00:54:35] [SPEAKER_02]: and stay tuned stay strong

[00:54:37] [SPEAKER_02]: and remember you are not alone in this journey

[00:54:41] [SPEAKER_02]: have a good one

[00:54:46] [SPEAKER_00]: thank you for joining us on this journey

[00:54:49] [SPEAKER_00]: of discovering an empowerment

[00:54:50] [SPEAKER_00]: here at the season of self-love podcast

[00:54:53] [SPEAKER_00]: remember embracing self-love is a continuous journey

[00:54:56] [SPEAKER_00]: and we're so glad to have you with us

[00:54:59] [SPEAKER_00]: so if you enjoyed today's episode

[00:55:01] [SPEAKER_00]: please leave us a review

[00:55:03] [SPEAKER_00]: and don't forget to join our community

[00:55:05] [SPEAKER_03]: on facebook at season of self-love

[00:55:08] [SPEAKER_03]: connect with like-minded individuals

[00:55:10] [SPEAKER_03]: who are also on their self-love journey

[00:55:12] [SPEAKER_03]: now if you have any questions or topics

[00:55:14] [SPEAKER_03]: that you'd like for us to explore

[00:55:16] [SPEAKER_03]: we love to hear from you

[00:55:18] [SPEAKER_03]: email us at season of self-love at gmail.com

[00:55:22] [SPEAKER_03]: and let your voice be heard

[00:55:23] [SPEAKER_03]: so until next time take a moment for yourself today

[00:55:27] [SPEAKER_03]: and remember you are worthy of love joy

[00:55:31] [SPEAKER_03]: and all the beautiful things that life has to offer