Transforming Chaos to Clarity: A Journey of Self-Love and Healing with Patrick Casey

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Season of Self Love podcast. I am your host, Nyomi Banks, and I am thrilled to have you join me on this transformative journey.

[00:00:09] You see, every day we dive into a powerful conversation about self-discovery, healing, and empowerment.

[00:00:16] This podcast is brought to you by Ask Nyomi and Elevate Me Self-Discovery, where we believe that loving yourself is the first step to living a fulfilling life.

[00:00:26] You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories.

[00:00:32] Plus, we occasionally welcome special guests who will share their unique perspectives on self-love and personal growth.

[00:00:39] So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's embark on this journey together.

[00:00:45] Because it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you are.

[00:00:50] So let's elevate our lives one episode at a time. Now let's get started.

[00:00:57] Hey, hey, my beautiful souls, and welcome back to another episode of the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:01:03] I am your host, Nyomi Banks, and here to explore the depths of the healing and empowerment with you today.

[00:01:10] Today, we are diving deep into a profound topic that touches many of us, and that's balancing life with intention and care.

[00:01:16] I am thrilled to introduce a very special guest, Patrick Casey, who has transformed his own life from chaos to clarity through self-love and resilience.

[00:01:24] And as a registered nurse, a transitional coach, and a passionate advocate for men's health, he's coming to us to tell his story.

[00:01:32] But before we bring Patrick to this stage, let's take a quick break.

[00:01:36] And when we return, Patrick will join us.

[00:01:39] So it's your girl, you got it.

[00:01:40] It's Nyomi Banks here on the Season of Self Love podcast, and we'll be right.

[00:01:46] Hey, hey, my beautiful people.

[00:01:48] This is your girl, your host, Nyomi Banks here of the Season of Self Love.

[00:01:51] And I just want to take a quick moment to share some exciting resources from our series, The Act of Balancing Life.

[00:01:58] Are you ready to bring more harmony into your life?

[00:02:01] Well, we have a free mini e-book just for you.

[00:02:04] Five simple ways to set your intentions for a harmonious life.

[00:02:09] It's perfect for helping you to align your goals with your values.

[00:02:12] And if you're ready to go a deeper dive, check out our 102-page e-book slash workbook, Balancing Act, a guide to harmonizing your life loaded with strategies and exercises.

[00:02:26] Plus, don't miss our 21-day challenge of living life in balance.

[00:02:31] Head over to our website right now and grab you a free mini e-book and start your journey towards a balanced life today.

[00:02:45] Hey, it's your goodie guide. It's Nyomi Banks here from the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:02:54] Shame and guilt is a very divided emotional...

[00:02:58] Now, these are one of the many amazing conversations that we have every day, Monday through Friday, right here on the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:03:07] With myself, Nyomi Banks, as well as our resident therapist, Dr. Will Washington of Washington Wellness Institute.

[00:03:15] Come by.

[00:03:16] Come by.

[00:03:18] A lot of times, we're afraid of how people look at us.

[00:03:21] And so that compassion can't enter us.

[00:03:23] You can hit us on the website, theseasonofselflovepodcast.com.

[00:03:31] Welcome back to the Season of Self Love podcast. I am your host, Nyomi Banks.

[00:03:37] And today we're talking about the act of balancing life with Patrick Casey, who has, as I mentioned before, he has transformed his own life from chaos to clarity through self-love and resilience.

[00:03:46] And he's also a transitional coach and a passionate advocate for men and health.

[00:03:51] And now we're talking about the secret of the season of self-love.

[00:03:52] How are you doing?

[00:03:53] Good, good.

[00:03:54] Thank you for having me on again.

[00:03:55] I really appreciate it.

[00:03:57] You're welcome.

[00:03:57] That was a mouthful, wasn't it?

[00:03:59] That's a lot.

[00:04:00] I must be doing something right.

[00:04:03] Alright, so before we get started, let's take a moment to center ourselves with a brief guided meditation.

[00:04:08] I invite you to find a very comfortable position.

[00:04:11] Close your eyes.

[00:04:13] And just breathe with me.

[00:04:14] Take a deep breath in and out

[00:04:20] And let each breath wash over you like gentle waves

[00:04:25] Clearing away any tension

[00:04:28] And as you breathe in

[00:04:30] I want you to imagine drawing in the strength

[00:04:34] And positivity

[00:04:37] As you exhale

[00:04:39] Release the stress and the doubts

[00:04:42] I want you to picture a light surrounding you

[00:04:46] Filling you with peace and love

[00:04:50] And I want you to remember that you are here

[00:04:53] And you are present

[00:04:56] And you are valued

[00:04:59] When you are ready, open your eyes

[00:05:07] Well, thank you for sharing that moment with me, Patrick

[00:05:11] As well as if you're new here to the Season of Self Love podcast

[00:05:13] It's something we do every day, Monday through Friday

[00:05:16] Where we do a nice little quick center

[00:05:18] Before we get into the topic at hand

[00:05:20] So again, let's welcome Patrick to the show

[00:05:22] Patrick, your journey has been truly incredible and inspiring

[00:05:26] Could you share with us what initially led you down the path of self-discovery?

[00:05:31] Yeah, it's such a long journey

[00:05:34] It started in childhood like a lot of us

[00:05:37] I have my own perspectives on

[00:05:41] You know, the way I was raised

[00:05:43] And, you know, abuse and trauma

[00:05:46] And, you know, I try to walk that fine line

[00:05:49] Because I'm not here to throw my family under the bus

[00:05:52] And, you know, make them look bad or anything like that

[00:05:54] It's, you know, my sisters might have a very different perspective of our childhood, right?

[00:05:59] We don't always experience it exactly the same

[00:06:01] So I have my experience that I had

[00:06:03] And because of that, it shaped me for better and for worse

[00:06:07] Into the person who I eventually ended up becoming today

[00:06:10] And probably who I'll, you know, continue to become throughout my life

[00:06:14] So what happened was

[00:06:16] I got pretty heavy into drugs and alcohol

[00:06:19] I got into lots and lots of trouble

[00:06:21] And so what happened was

[00:06:23] I'll take you back to basically August 11th, 2002

[00:06:27] My parents had put me in charge of watching my two younger sisters

[00:06:31] They had gone off to bowling as they typically did on Friday nights

[00:06:35] And they came home late at night as they normally would

[00:06:38] And they walk in and they find their son passed out on the couch

[00:06:42] Heroin, needle, spoon, belt, like the whole shebang, right?

[00:06:46] And so I'm shooken too by my father yelling and screaming

[00:06:49] My mom's standing behind him yelling and screaming

[00:06:52] And this is just like a chaotic nightmare that's going on

[00:06:56] For everybody involved, obviously

[00:06:57] I mean, I can't even imagine my parents what they're experiencing, right?

[00:07:01] So I wake up the next morning

[00:07:03] And I'm kind of trying to figure out

[00:07:05] What just kind of transpired last night

[00:07:07] I'm like, you know, is that a

[00:07:09] Did that really happen?

[00:07:10] I'm kind of foggy

[00:07:11] Is this a dream, nightmare?

[00:07:13] What kind of happened last night?

[00:07:15] So I go walking downstairs

[00:07:16] And my mom's on the kitchen filling on the landline, right?

[00:07:19] Because we still had landlines back then

[00:07:20] And I'm like, okay

[00:07:22] And I'm hearing her as we're walking down the stairs

[00:07:24] I'm hearing her voice talking to somebody

[00:07:25] And it sounds important

[00:07:27] And her here mentioned the word treatment and drugs

[00:07:30] And I'm like, oh crap

[00:07:31] So this actually happened

[00:07:33] I can't believe this

[00:07:35] And I had this kind of emotion of freedom

[00:07:40] Of relief of like, finally I'm caught

[00:07:42] Finally I don't have to run anymore

[00:07:44] Finally I don't have to live, right?

[00:07:46] And I've listened to some of your early podcasts

[00:07:49] So I know you know that feeling

[00:07:50] And it's just like, I'm done

[00:07:51] I don't have to do this anymore

[00:07:53] Like now I can

[00:07:54] Now I can be me

[00:07:55] I can be authentic

[00:07:56] I can hopefully move on

[00:07:57] You know, again, I'm 19 years old

[00:07:59] I have no idea what I'm getting into

[00:08:00] I have no inclination of wanting to like be sober

[00:08:03] And never do a drug again

[00:08:05] And I haven't even had a legal drink of alcohol yet

[00:08:08] So I sure as hell am not even thinking about

[00:08:10] Well, I'm never going to have alcohol, right?

[00:08:12] Right

[00:08:12] Because I'm 19 years old

[00:08:14] And so I go off to treatment

[00:08:15] And my life just completely changed

[00:08:18] I just had this complete

[00:08:19] I walked in there

[00:08:21] And I'm like, holy crap

[00:08:22] Like this is really happening

[00:08:24] And my whole journey began

[00:08:26] Of substance abuse recovery

[00:08:28] Which is only a small piece of what's happened

[00:08:31] Over the last 22 years

[00:08:33] And this month I just celebrated 22 years sober

[00:08:36] About two weeks ago

[00:08:37] Congratulations

[00:08:38] Congratulations

[00:08:39] Yeah, thanks

[00:08:40] So that's pretty killer

[00:08:40] So so many really awesome things have happened

[00:08:44] And so to kind of answer your question more so with that is

[00:08:49] Even though I was sober for so many years

[00:08:51] And I've helped a lot of people

[00:08:52] And really done like great work

[00:08:54] And as you mentioned, I'm a registered nurse

[00:08:56] But I'm also a nurse practitioner

[00:08:59] I went back to school and got my master's

[00:09:00] So I've been working as a nurse practitioner

[00:09:02] For the last six, seven years

[00:09:04] And down here in Florida, you can work autonomously

[00:09:06] So I've actually been working for myself

[00:09:08] For the past coming up on seven years

[00:09:11] If you have enough experience, you can do that

[00:09:13] So I've been doing that as well

[00:09:14] I work in substance abuse

[00:09:15] So I deal with people like me every day

[00:09:17] All day, every day, which is great

[00:09:19] I deal with mental health

[00:09:20] I deal with substance abuse, etc

[00:09:22] And so what happened was about 18

[00:09:26] About 18 months ago

[00:09:27] I had I hit another bottom

[00:09:29] I just hit another rock bottom

[00:09:30] I hit a spiritual, emotional rock bottom

[00:09:33] Wasn't even aware that I was hitting a bottom

[00:09:36] I just kind of started plummeting down

[00:09:38] And I went to this live event

[00:09:40] Held by somebody such as yourself

[00:09:42] Who has a podcast

[00:09:43] And she has a really cool tribe of people

[00:09:45] That follow her

[00:09:46] And I was introduced to her

[00:09:47] Through my girlfriend

[00:09:48] So basically what happened

[00:09:50] My girlfriend had been listening to this lady

[00:09:51] For a few, a couple, two or three years

[00:09:53] Had been doing some of her online groups

[00:09:55] And she said, hey

[00:09:57] She's having this live event

[00:09:58] Out in California

[00:09:59] I'm really kind of nervous to go by myself

[00:10:01] Would you come?

[00:10:02] And now having been in recovery

[00:10:04] For, you know, up to 20 years

[00:10:05] At that point

[00:10:06] I'm like, sure

[00:10:06] I'm open-minded

[00:10:07] If it was what happened

[00:10:08] Maybe I'll get some self-help

[00:10:09] Kind of stuff

[00:10:10] Whatever, right?

[00:10:11] So I go out there

[00:10:12] And I'm in this group

[00:10:13] Of like 40 people roughly

[00:10:15] And we're passing the microphone

[00:10:16] Around at the end of the weekend

[00:10:18] Talking about our experience

[00:10:19] And what we gained

[00:10:20] And insights

[00:10:20] And I just broke down crying

[00:10:22] In front of all these people

[00:10:23] Saying, I hate myself

[00:10:24] I don't know why

[00:10:26] I still hate myself

[00:10:28] I still don't like myself

[00:10:30] I still disdain myself

[00:10:32] You know, I have all the outside things

[00:10:35] When you see my life

[00:10:36] Where I live down here

[00:10:36] In Jupiter, Florida

[00:10:37] Near the beach

[00:10:38] And the car

[00:10:39] And the house

[00:10:39] And the income

[00:10:40] And the job

[00:10:41] And the girl

[00:10:41] And so many hobbies

[00:10:43] That are really fun stuff

[00:10:44] That I do

[00:10:45] But I'm like

[00:10:45] Why do I still

[00:10:46] Have this like

[00:10:47] Little something's missing

[00:10:49] On the inside

[00:10:50] And so

[00:10:51] She came up to me afterwards

[00:10:52] She said

[00:10:53] You know, I can

[00:10:54] I can help you

[00:10:55] And for some reason

[00:10:56] I just believed her

[00:10:57] I just felt her

[00:10:59] Her energy and her vibe

[00:11:00] And I just said

[00:11:01] Okay

[00:11:01] And so I joined in with her

[00:11:03] And so I've been working with her

[00:11:04] She's been my coach

[00:11:05] For the last 18 plus months

[00:11:07] Doing some stuff

[00:11:08] And for the last

[00:11:09] Eight months

[00:11:10] I've been doing

[00:11:11] More on the business side

[00:11:12] Because as you said

[00:11:13] I wanted to get into

[00:11:15] More like the personal

[00:11:15] Coaching side of things

[00:11:17] You know

[00:11:17] Because working as a nurse practitioner

[00:11:18] I can only help you

[00:11:20] If you live in Florida

[00:11:20] If you live outside of Florida

[00:11:22] Can't do a thing for you

[00:11:23] So

[00:11:24] Doing the coaching thing

[00:11:25] As you know

[00:11:25] I mean I can do that

[00:11:26] All over the world

[00:11:26] All over

[00:11:27] You know

[00:11:27] Across the country

[00:11:28] Like there's no restrictions

[00:11:29] With that stuff

[00:11:30] So

[00:11:31] And as you know

[00:11:32] Doing Zoom like this

[00:11:33] And StreamYard

[00:11:33] And all this online stuff

[00:11:35] Like it's really cool

[00:11:35] You can really make an impact

[00:11:37] That you may

[00:11:38] You may not think

[00:11:40] You're not in person

[00:11:40] How can you help me

[00:11:41] We're not in person

[00:11:42] But I had

[00:11:43] Many many more breakthroughs

[00:11:45] Just through doing it online

[00:11:46] Like this

[00:11:46] Because again

[00:11:47] She lives in California

[00:11:47] I live here

[00:11:48] Now we have some

[00:11:49] Live get-togethers

[00:11:50] A few times a year

[00:11:51] Which is a lot of fun

[00:11:52] Nice retreats that we do

[00:11:53] And growth type of exercises

[00:11:55] We do

[00:11:56] But I was able to get

[00:11:57] A lot of help this way

[00:11:58] So I'm like

[00:11:58] Okay

[00:11:59] So why can't I help

[00:12:01] Other people

[00:12:01] Who don't have

[00:12:03] Substance abuse problems

[00:12:04] Especially men

[00:12:05] Why can't I go help

[00:12:06] Some other guys

[00:12:06] Like myself

[00:12:07] Who don't think it's cool

[00:12:09] And don't want to get vulnerable

[00:12:10] And maybe they try therapy

[00:12:11] Or meds

[00:12:12] Or maybe their woman's

[00:12:13] Like on their case

[00:12:14] About you know

[00:12:15] Why are you grumpy

[00:12:16] All the time

[00:12:16] And you're not like

[00:12:17] You used to be

[00:12:18] And all that

[00:12:18] Like I can help

[00:12:19] Those guys now

[00:12:20] I don't just have to help

[00:12:21] People that are

[00:12:21] Struggling with drugs

[00:12:22] And alcohol

[00:12:23] Right

[00:12:24] That's good

[00:12:25] I love your story

[00:12:26] So let me ask you this

[00:12:27] Because you said

[00:12:27] At 19 years old

[00:12:28] Is when you truly

[00:12:29] I guess

[00:12:30] Want to hit your

[00:12:31] Rock bottom

[00:12:31] When it was

[00:12:32] Your secret was revealed

[00:12:34] So how long before that

[00:12:36] Were you doing drugs

[00:12:37] So there's two questions

[00:12:38] And what was the root of it

[00:12:40] What caused you

[00:12:41] To start doing drugs

[00:12:43] So I started smoking marijuana

[00:12:46] Probably about 11

[00:12:47] 11 years old

[00:12:48] Yeah

[00:12:49] Yeah

[00:12:49] There's this kid down the road

[00:12:51] And I'd heard that

[00:12:53] He you know

[00:12:53] Was selling these things

[00:12:54] Called nickel bags

[00:12:55] And it was marijuana

[00:12:56] And I said

[00:12:57] Shoot I'm gonna go talk to him

[00:12:58] And you know

[00:13:01] On top of more of that

[00:13:03] For me

[00:13:04] And I share this all the time

[00:13:05] With people

[00:13:05] Is like for me

[00:13:06] Even smoking cigarettes

[00:13:08] I started cigarettes

[00:13:09] Probably around that time

[00:13:10] Or a year

[00:13:10] A year before that

[00:13:11] Like to me

[00:13:12] A fun night

[00:13:13] Was going around

[00:13:14] The shopping plaza

[00:13:14] Picking up the little

[00:13:15] Cigarette butts

[00:13:16] And lighting those up

[00:13:17] And smoking those

[00:13:17] And getting little

[00:13:18] Nicotine butts

[00:13:18] You know

[00:13:19] Now both my parents

[00:13:20] Smoked

[00:13:21] Both my parents

[00:13:21] Drank alcohol

[00:13:22] Like a lot of people do

[00:13:23] Especially back in those days

[00:13:24] So

[00:13:25] But I never

[00:13:26] Thought it was like

[00:13:27] A bad thing or anything

[00:13:28] But for some reason

[00:13:29] I just

[00:13:30] I had this

[00:13:30] And again

[00:13:31] We talked about

[00:13:32] The childhood stuff

[00:13:33] Right

[00:13:33] Like I just

[00:13:33] At some point

[00:13:35] I quit feeling okay

[00:13:36] I quit feeling safe

[00:13:38] For some reason

[00:13:39] Right

[00:13:39] And so

[00:13:40] I started to get that

[00:13:42] And then naturally

[00:13:43] The marijuana

[00:13:43] Was the next step

[00:13:45] And as we talked about

[00:13:46] Like when we were younger

[00:13:47] They always talked about

[00:13:48] Marijuana is a gateway drug

[00:13:49] And then

[00:13:49] Yeah

[00:13:50] On and on

[00:13:51] And on and on

[00:13:51] You know

[00:13:51] So it just

[00:13:53] It just grew

[00:13:53] And everything else

[00:13:54] And so around

[00:13:56] You know

[00:13:56] 16

[00:13:57] I started doing opiates

[00:13:59] And LSD

[00:14:00] And speed

[00:14:01] And pretty much

[00:14:02] Naomi

[00:14:02] Since I turned 16

[00:14:04] And got my driver's license

[00:14:05] I never went to a full day

[00:14:06] Of school

[00:14:07] I sure as hell

[00:14:07] Never went to a full day

[00:14:08] Of school

[00:14:09] Sober

[00:14:09] Like I always had something

[00:14:11] I was always having

[00:14:12] Some kind of chemical

[00:14:14] You know

[00:14:15] Imbalance going on

[00:14:16] And some kind of chemical

[00:14:17] Was in my system

[00:14:18] That was

[00:14:18] That was altering

[00:14:19] The way I was

[00:14:20] Because

[00:14:20] I had to feel okay

[00:14:22] Like I did not

[00:14:23] Fit in my skin

[00:14:24] I did not

[00:14:24] I was not okay

[00:14:25] With what I thought

[00:14:26] You thought about me

[00:14:27] Right

[00:14:28] Like

[00:14:28] Like

[00:14:29] Obviously I feel so low

[00:14:30] And horrible about myself

[00:14:31] Then obviously

[00:14:32] All of you must think

[00:14:33] The same thing

[00:14:34] About myself

[00:14:35] So I had to numb that

[00:14:36] And escape from that

[00:14:37] And so I did literally

[00:14:39] Any freaking thing

[00:14:40] That I could

[00:14:41] And I was the ultimate

[00:14:42] Chameleon

[00:14:43] I played all the

[00:14:44] High school sports

[00:14:45] I hung out with

[00:14:46] All the different

[00:14:47] Stereotypes of kids

[00:14:48] Right

[00:14:48] I just

[00:14:48] I blended in

[00:14:49] With everybody

[00:14:50] So

[00:14:52] I tried to really

[00:14:53] Just do my best

[00:14:54] To get by

[00:14:55] And to like

[00:14:56] Figure this whole life

[00:14:57] Thing out

[00:14:58] At a young age

[00:14:58] That I thought

[00:14:59] Kind of like

[00:15:00] All of you had this

[00:15:01] All figured out

[00:15:01] Like

[00:15:02] I never got my manual

[00:15:03] On how to be

[00:15:04] A person

[00:15:05] Had to be a human

[00:15:06] And I was a

[00:15:07] I was a troubled kid

[00:15:08] I was in trouble

[00:15:08] All the time

[00:15:09] I told people

[00:15:09] You know

[00:15:10] When I was young

[00:15:10] I used to sit up

[00:15:11] By the teacher's desk

[00:15:12] All the time

[00:15:13] I was the kid

[00:15:13] That was up there

[00:15:14] Sitting by the teacher's desk

[00:15:16] Because I was always

[00:15:16] In trouble

[00:15:17] Always the class clown

[00:15:18] Always

[00:15:18] Always in trouble

[00:15:19] And you know

[00:15:20] Writing on the chalkboard

[00:15:21] And having to dust

[00:15:22] The erasers after class

[00:15:23] Like I was always in trouble

[00:15:24] I was always

[00:15:25] Always having stuff going on

[00:15:26] You know

[00:15:26] Running off babysitters

[00:15:28] Running out of the house

[00:15:29] As a kid

[00:15:29] And you know

[00:15:30] Just terrorizing everybody

[00:15:31] And again

[00:15:31] I was the oldest of three

[00:15:32] So I kind of paved the way

[00:15:34] For my two youngest sisters

[00:15:35] So God bless them

[00:15:36] That they

[00:15:36] You know

[00:15:37] Did not turn out

[00:15:37] Like me in those regards

[00:15:39] It's crazy

[00:15:39] How that did not happen

[00:15:41] So

[00:15:42] It was just kind of

[00:15:43] The natural progression

[00:15:44] For me

[00:15:44] It just

[00:15:45] It happened

[00:15:46] That like

[00:15:46] Here's heroin

[00:15:47] And a friend of mine

[00:15:49] Introduced me to it

[00:15:50] And I told him

[00:15:51] I had been snorting

[00:15:52] This powder stuff

[00:15:52] And he goes

[00:15:53] You know

[00:15:53] That's heroin

[00:15:53] Right

[00:15:54] And I said

[00:15:54] Nah man

[00:15:54] They said

[00:15:55] It's like

[00:15:55] Crushed opiates

[00:15:56] And he said

[00:15:56] No that's

[00:15:56] That's heroin

[00:15:57] And I was like

[00:15:58] Oh okay

[00:15:59] And he said

[00:16:00] Can you get me some

[00:16:01] And I said

[00:16:01] Okay

[00:16:01] He had just

[00:16:02] Gotten out of rehab

[00:16:03] So I'm like

[00:16:04] Alright cool dude

[00:16:05] Let's do it

[00:16:06] And so he introduced me

[00:16:07] To you know

[00:16:08] Putting a needle

[00:16:09] In my arm

[00:16:10] And that was it

[00:16:11] And I was done

[00:16:12] Absolutely

[00:16:12] Like

[00:16:13] Like

[00:16:13] I found

[00:16:14] You know

[00:16:15] The fourth dimension

[00:16:16] Like wow

[00:16:16] This is

[00:16:17] The best thing

[00:16:18] Ever in the world

[00:16:19] And so I just

[00:16:19] Continued to chase that

[00:16:21] For the better part

[00:16:22] Of a year

[00:16:22] You know

[00:16:23] Going to college

[00:16:23] Did my first year

[00:16:24] Of college

[00:16:25] Did absolutely horrible

[00:16:26] You know

[00:16:27] Shooting up dope

[00:16:28] On the campus

[00:16:28] Parking lot

[00:16:29] And going into class

[00:16:30] Not really

[00:16:30] Knowing what's going on

[00:16:32] Walking into class

[00:16:33] And they're like

[00:16:33] Hey it's time for a test

[00:16:34] Take out your number

[00:16:35] Two pencil

[00:16:36] And I'm like

[00:16:36] What?

[00:16:37] There's a test?

[00:16:37] Looking over at somebody

[00:16:38] Like did you know

[00:16:38] There's a test today?

[00:16:39] Like I was just

[00:16:40] Completely shot out

[00:16:42] And you know

[00:16:43] So basically

[00:16:43] For like the last

[00:16:44] Six months

[00:16:44] I've been wanting

[00:16:45] To get help

[00:16:45] I've been wanting

[00:16:46] To ask

[00:16:46] Like find a way

[00:16:47] How do I tell my parents

[00:16:48] I need help?

[00:16:49] Yeah

[00:16:49] I don't want to keep doing this

[00:16:51] I'm getting sick

[00:16:52] From withdrawal

[00:16:52] Every couple days

[00:16:54] I'm selling this stuff

[00:16:55] I'm stealing from people

[00:16:57] Tell them

[00:16:58] I'm tricking myself

[00:16:59] Into thinking

[00:16:59] I'm just going to

[00:17:00] Sell the heroin

[00:17:01] Not do the heroin

[00:17:02] That would last

[00:17:03] For about a week

[00:17:04] Week and a half

[00:17:04] And then I would

[00:17:05] Accumulate so much

[00:17:06] Then I could do

[00:17:06] My own heroin again

[00:17:07] And that was just

[00:17:08] This vicious cycle

[00:17:09] Right?

[00:17:10] And so I was like

[00:17:11] How do I get help?

[00:17:12] Like do I tell my parents

[00:17:14] Maybe I'm struggling

[00:17:15] With pain pills?

[00:17:16] Like that doesn't sound

[00:17:16] As bad as like

[00:17:17] I'm shooting dope

[00:17:18] And stuff

[00:17:18] Like how do I do this?

[00:17:20] And it took

[00:17:21] You know

[00:17:21] Them coming home

[00:17:22] Finding me

[00:17:22] Thinking I was

[00:17:23] Dead on the couch

[00:17:24] To

[00:17:26] For me to get help

[00:17:27] I just

[00:17:27] I didn't have the courage

[00:17:28] To ask for help

[00:17:29] Yeah

[00:17:30] It just seemed like a lot

[00:17:31] You were living in shame

[00:17:32] You were shamed

[00:17:33] What you were doing

[00:17:34] And I guess even

[00:17:37] With that situation

[00:17:39] That was your saving grace

[00:17:41] Even though it probably

[00:17:42] Was the most

[00:17:43] Anybody would look at

[00:17:44] That's the lowest

[00:17:45] Moment of your life

[00:17:46] And you're like

[00:17:47] No that probably

[00:17:47] Was the best thing

[00:17:48] In my life

[00:17:49] Now moving forward

[00:17:51] 19 years old

[00:17:52] Going to rehab

[00:17:53] 20 years old

[00:17:54] Now you're

[00:17:55] You're doing good

[00:17:56] From 20 to the time

[00:17:58] That you went to that

[00:17:59] To the live event

[00:18:01] What did that look like

[00:18:03] For you

[00:18:03] For you to stand

[00:18:04] In front of 40 people

[00:18:05] That's an intimate crowd

[00:18:06] In front of 40 people

[00:18:08] To say

[00:18:08] I do not love myself

[00:18:10] Where from the time

[00:18:11] You were 19 years old

[00:18:12] To that time

[00:18:13] That you

[00:18:16] I guess

[00:18:16] Kind of say

[00:18:17] Not

[00:18:23] How did you not

[00:18:26] Love yourself

[00:18:27] What did love look like

[00:18:28] For you

[00:18:28] Right

[00:18:29] From that 20 years old

[00:18:31] Because now remember

[00:18:32] You celebrated

[00:18:33] Every year

[00:18:34] Every day

[00:18:35] Every month

[00:18:36] Of your sobriety

[00:18:37] So where in that moment

[00:18:39] From the time

[00:18:39] That you were 19

[00:18:40] 20 years old

[00:18:40] To the time of there

[00:18:41] That you were not

[00:18:43] Celebrating

[00:18:43] Your life

[00:18:45] Of every day

[00:18:46] Of sobriety

[00:18:47] Or where it stopped

[00:18:49] Where to disconnect

[00:18:50] From that stuff

[00:18:50] Love for you

[00:18:51] I didn't know it

[00:18:53] Like again

[00:18:53] I just didn't know

[00:18:55] What I didn't know

[00:18:55] I'm helping hundreds

[00:18:57] Maybe thousands

[00:18:58] Of people over the years

[00:18:59] Get sober

[00:19:00] You know

[00:19:01] Change their lives

[00:19:01] I'm participating in that

[00:19:03] I'm very active

[00:19:04] In the local recovery community

[00:19:06] And you know

[00:19:07] Doing all these events

[00:19:08] And service work

[00:19:09] And just helping people out

[00:19:10] Right

[00:19:10] I got married

[00:19:13] And I think around

[00:19:14] Age 29

[00:19:15] I got married

[00:19:16] That lasted about

[00:19:16] Four years

[00:19:17] Got divorced

[00:19:18] And you know

[00:19:20] Put myself through college

[00:19:21] My bachelor's

[00:19:23] Then I got my master's

[00:19:24] While getting divorced

[00:19:25] And selling our first home

[00:19:27] And a lot of crazy stuff

[00:19:30] With my ex-wife

[00:19:31] With her parents

[00:19:31] Both dying

[00:19:32] From cancer

[00:19:33] And hospice

[00:19:34] Like a year apart

[00:19:35] Like we had so much stress

[00:19:36] It was like

[00:19:37] This marriage

[00:19:38] Was kind of destined

[00:19:40] To not be successful

[00:19:41] With two people

[00:19:42] That were night shift nurses

[00:19:43] Working at night

[00:19:44] Trying to care for her parents

[00:19:46] And we just bought

[00:19:46] Our first house

[00:19:47] Down in West Palm Beach

[00:19:48] And it was just

[00:19:49] Total chaos

[00:19:50] So I was like

[00:19:50] Of course it wasn't

[00:19:51] Going to last

[00:19:52] So I don't know

[00:19:54] That that had a lot

[00:19:55] To do with anything

[00:19:56] Other than the fact

[00:19:57] That in that marriage

[00:20:00] I was seeing

[00:20:02] My parents' marriage

[00:20:03] I was seeing

[00:20:04] Some of my parents'

[00:20:06] Dysfunction

[00:20:06] I was seeing

[00:20:07] The fight

[00:20:08] And the silent scorn

[00:20:10] You know

[00:20:10] I would just

[00:20:11] You know

[00:20:12] I was slamming doors

[00:20:13] And slamming counters

[00:20:15] And just raging

[00:20:16] Just not

[00:20:17] Not me

[00:20:18] Not who I am

[00:20:19] And I'm having

[00:20:19] These flashbacks

[00:20:20] Like wow

[00:20:21] This is like

[00:20:21] I'm like acting out

[00:20:23] Like my parents'

[00:20:24] Marriage

[00:20:24] Because like

[00:20:25] I can remember

[00:20:26] Being a small kid

[00:20:26] Like

[00:20:27] And my parents

[00:20:28] Are fighting

[00:20:28] And stuff going on

[00:20:29] And just yelling

[00:20:30] In my room

[00:20:30] Like get a divorce

[00:20:32] Just get a divorce

[00:20:33] As a really young kid

[00:20:35] I don't even know

[00:20:35] What divorce is

[00:20:36] Probably right

[00:20:36] But I'm just like

[00:20:38] There's just all this chaos

[00:20:39] That I'm perceiving

[00:20:41] That's going on

[00:20:41] And I feel uncomfortable

[00:20:42] And I feel unsafe

[00:20:44] And I feel confused

[00:20:45] And it's just back and forth

[00:20:47] Throughout my childhood

[00:20:48] Right

[00:20:48] Walking on eggshells

[00:20:49] And all that stuff

[00:20:50] So now I'm doing it

[00:20:51] In my marriage

[00:20:52] And I'm treating

[00:20:52] My ex-wife that way

[00:20:54] And I'm like

[00:20:54] What the hell is this

[00:20:55] I'm

[00:20:55] X number

[00:20:56] You're sober

[00:20:57] I've really done

[00:20:58] A lot of work on myself

[00:20:59] I've had a lot of people

[00:21:00] Help me

[00:21:00] I've helped a lot of people

[00:21:02] Like this is not

[00:21:03] Who I want to be

[00:21:03] And that marriage ended

[00:21:05] And moved on

[00:21:06] And

[00:21:07] And I don't know

[00:21:07] Where the disconnect happened

[00:21:09] Because again

[00:21:10] I didn't realize

[00:21:10] I was having fun

[00:21:11] I did a lot of cool stuff

[00:21:13] I made a lot of accomplishments

[00:21:15] But I still had that

[00:21:16] Like daily

[00:21:17] You know

[00:21:19] Self-criticism

[00:21:20] Right

[00:21:21] Almost like a pot of boiling water

[00:21:23] The top is just like this

[00:21:24] You know

[00:21:25] If you cut me off in traffic

[00:21:26] It's the last thing

[00:21:27] You're ever going to do

[00:21:28] Right

[00:21:28] Is that kind of

[00:21:29] Taking everything personal

[00:21:30] You know

[00:21:31] Not knowing how to take compliments

[00:21:33] If you take

[00:21:33] If you complimented me

[00:21:34] I'm like

[00:21:35] Oh yeah

[00:21:35] But you know

[00:21:36] Hey Pat

[00:21:36] That shirt looks really good

[00:21:37] Yeah but you know

[00:21:39] It's just this thing

[00:21:40] Or that thing

[00:21:40] Like I didn't know

[00:21:41] How to receive love

[00:21:42] Is really what it came down to

[00:21:43] So even though

[00:21:44] I was surrounded with love

[00:21:46] And constantly loved

[00:21:48] I didn't know how to

[00:21:49] Receive love

[00:21:50] So how can I love you

[00:21:51] If I don't love me

[00:21:53] Right

[00:21:53] And for whatever reason

[00:21:55] It was just apparent

[00:21:56] At this event

[00:21:57] When I looked

[00:21:57] And my girlfriend

[00:21:58] Caitlin was sitting next to me

[00:21:59] I just

[00:21:59] I looked in her eyes

[00:22:01] And I just started crying

[00:22:02] While holding the microphone

[00:22:03] To everybody

[00:22:04] I just said

[00:22:05] I want to love me

[00:22:07] The way that you love me

[00:22:08] I want to

[00:22:09] I want to

[00:22:10] Look at myself in the mirror

[00:22:12] The way that you look at me

[00:22:13] Like no one has ever

[00:22:14] Looked at me

[00:22:15] The way that she looks at me

[00:22:16] And I can see in her eyes

[00:22:17] And I feel in her eyes

[00:22:18] Nobody in my life

[00:22:19] Has ever looked at me

[00:22:20] The way she looks at me

[00:22:21] I'm feeling emotional now

[00:22:22] Just talking about it

[00:22:23] Like I want that

[00:22:25] And I know that

[00:22:26] I can say I love you back

[00:22:28] But do I really

[00:22:30] If I don't love myself

[00:22:31] Because I'm told all this time

[00:22:32] If you don't love yourself

[00:22:33] You can't love others

[00:22:34] Yes exactly

[00:22:35] So that's

[00:22:36] And that was just like

[00:22:37] I can't keep doing this

[00:22:39] I have to do something different

[00:22:41] Because it's not about

[00:22:41] Drinking or drugging

[00:22:42] It's not about that

[00:22:43] But guess what

[00:22:44] I can still do destructive stuff

[00:22:46] Yeah

[00:22:47] And not have to get high or drunk

[00:22:48] Right

[00:22:49] And so that's

[00:22:50] That's

[00:22:50] That's what's kind of culminated

[00:22:51] Into all of this

[00:22:52] Right

[00:22:53] You know what

[00:22:54] First of all

[00:22:54] I'm glad that

[00:22:56] I commend you on that

[00:22:57] I commend you for just being honest

[00:22:59] But also tapping into your

[00:23:04] Your sensitivity

[00:23:05] And understanding

[00:23:07] And know that

[00:23:08] This is my time to weep

[00:23:10] Because I can imagine

[00:23:13] So let me

[00:23:14] Let me say this

[00:23:16] And I have to go back

[00:23:17] To 19 years old

[00:23:18] I have to go back

[00:23:19] Because that is

[00:23:20] The part of your

[00:23:20] Second life

[00:23:21] I'm going to say

[00:23:22] Your second life

[00:23:23] Right there

[00:23:24] And in that second life

[00:23:25] After you

[00:23:26] Because when you passed out

[00:23:28] And you were gone

[00:23:29] That was shame

[00:23:30] That has now been

[00:23:32] Removed from you

[00:23:33] Because now it has been

[00:23:34] Revealed

[00:23:35] On who you were

[00:23:36] In that moment

[00:23:37] In that moment

[00:23:39] You went to get help

[00:23:40] For your addiction

[00:23:43] But never did you

[00:23:45] Get the

[00:23:46] What the core root

[00:23:47] Of that is

[00:23:48] Right

[00:23:48] You understand

[00:23:49] What I'm saying

[00:23:49] And so for you

[00:23:51] Your next addition

[00:23:54] Was accolades

[00:23:55] And you know

[00:23:56] Getting this degree

[00:23:56] And being able

[00:23:57] To help others

[00:23:58] And validation

[00:23:59] From others

[00:24:00] That was your

[00:24:01] Next addiction

[00:24:03] That you truly

[00:24:04] Didn't understand

[00:24:05] What that was

[00:24:06] You was like

[00:24:07] Okay well I'm doing

[00:24:07] So good

[00:24:09] Even in this moment

[00:24:10] I know that I was

[00:24:11] I'm a recovering

[00:24:12] Drunk addict

[00:24:13] But now I'm doing

[00:24:14] All of these

[00:24:15] Wonderful things

[00:24:16] That this will

[00:24:17] Make up for

[00:24:18] The very reason

[00:24:20] Why I started

[00:24:20] Doing drugs

[00:24:21] In the first place

[00:24:22] You know what I'm saying

[00:24:23] And so for that

[00:24:25] And first of all

[00:24:27] Who is this

[00:24:28] Who is the lady

[00:24:29] That you

[00:24:30] Because I would like

[00:24:31] To know

[00:24:31] So let my fans

[00:24:32] Know who they are

[00:24:33] I don't have

[00:24:34] Any kind of attention

[00:24:35] We love each other

[00:24:37] So who is this

[00:24:38] Oh she's a great lady

[00:24:39] J.J. Flazanes

[00:24:40] F-L-I-Z-A-N-E-S

[00:24:43] J.J.

[00:24:44] Yep

[00:24:44] J.J. Flazanes

[00:24:45] Yeah dot com

[00:24:46] She has her podcast

[00:24:47] She's been doing

[00:24:48] Stuff work for a long time

[00:24:50] Really good work

[00:24:51] So nice little tribe

[00:24:52] Of people that

[00:24:54] You know she has

[00:24:55] A live event

[00:24:56] Coming up in October

[00:24:56] Actually in

[00:24:57] Southern California

[00:24:58] In Redondo Beach

[00:25:00] October 4th

[00:25:01] 5th and 6th

[00:25:02] I think it is

[00:25:02] So

[00:25:03] Okay

[00:25:04] It's a cool

[00:25:05] It's a cool

[00:25:05] Yeah it's a cool time

[00:25:06] Cool experience

[00:25:07] You know

[00:25:07] That's beautiful

[00:25:08] Thank you for sharing that

[00:25:10] But why

[00:25:10] You know

[00:25:12] The thing is

[00:25:13] Because after that

[00:25:14] What was that

[00:25:15] 18, 19, 20 years

[00:25:16] 20 years

[00:25:17] Of you being sober

[00:25:18] And you can be real

[00:25:20] With yourself

[00:25:21] At that moment

[00:25:21] And say

[00:25:21] Hold on

[00:25:23] I can't go through

[00:25:24] Another relationship

[00:25:25] And not love somebody

[00:25:26] And really not knowing

[00:25:27] How to love myself

[00:25:29] You know what I'm saying

[00:25:30] So

[00:25:30] I go

[00:25:31] I say this

[00:25:32] I say you have to have

[00:25:33] An intimate relationship

[00:25:34] With yourself

[00:25:34] You have to fall in love

[00:25:35] With yourself

[00:25:36] Yes

[00:25:37] You know what I'm saying

[00:25:38] Deep down inside

[00:25:39] And

[00:25:40] I love

[00:25:42] That

[00:25:43] You realize

[00:25:44] That even

[00:25:45] All of the training

[00:25:46] That you have

[00:25:47] All the therapy

[00:25:47] That you have

[00:25:48] All the people

[00:25:49] That you have helped

[00:25:50] You are able to

[00:25:51] Humble yourself

[00:25:52] In that moment

[00:25:54] And say

[00:25:54] Okay

[00:25:55] Wait a minute

[00:25:56] Because not only

[00:25:57] Does it make

[00:25:58] A better me

[00:25:59] But it also

[00:26:00] Helps me to show

[00:26:01] My girlfriend

[00:26:02] Who can potentially

[00:26:03] Become my wife

[00:26:04] Soon

[00:26:05] You know

[00:26:06] How to love me too

[00:26:08] Now

[00:26:08] I have a definition

[00:26:10] Of who I am

[00:26:11] So now you have

[00:26:13] A definition

[00:26:13] Of who you are

[00:26:14] So now when you go out

[00:26:15] And you reach

[00:26:16] These other people

[00:26:17] Especially coming

[00:26:18] Through this screen

[00:26:19] Right here

[00:26:20] Then now

[00:26:20] I can talk

[00:26:21] From a real

[00:26:22] Truly authentic place

[00:26:23] Because now

[00:26:24] I can show them

[00:26:25] My love

[00:26:26] Just in the way

[00:26:27] That I exude

[00:26:28] And talk to them

[00:26:29] About my journey

[00:26:30] So

[00:26:31] Thank you

[00:26:32] For sharing

[00:26:33] That story

[00:26:34] With me

[00:26:34] On this

[00:26:35] I got a lot

[00:26:37] Of course

[00:26:37] On my arms

[00:26:42] That connection

[00:26:43] Good

[00:26:43] Good

[00:26:44] Yeah it is

[00:26:46] I was telling

[00:26:47] Dr. Will

[00:26:48] The other day

[00:26:49] As I

[00:26:49] You know

[00:26:50] I just opened up

[00:26:51] This season of stuff

[00:26:51] Love to receiving

[00:26:52] Guests to come on

[00:26:53] And lately

[00:26:55] I've been having

[00:26:55] Some amazing

[00:26:57] Guests on here

[00:26:57] The connections

[00:26:58] Have been wonderful

[00:27:01] You know

[00:27:02] As we grow up

[00:27:03] You know

[00:27:03] We think

[00:27:04] As you said

[00:27:04] Earlier

[00:27:05] About our

[00:27:05] Perspective

[00:27:06] You know

[00:27:07] We have

[00:27:07] Our perspective

[00:27:08] On things

[00:27:08] So we never

[00:27:09] Really see

[00:27:10] Anyone else's

[00:27:11] Perspective

[00:27:11] In life

[00:27:12] Or rather

[00:27:13] Really sit down

[00:27:14] And take the time

[00:27:15] To listen

[00:27:16] And understand

[00:27:17] And you know

[00:27:19] But listening to you

[00:27:21] In the other guests

[00:27:23] I come to appreciate

[00:27:25] Life even more

[00:27:26] So even the stuff

[00:27:28] That I've been through

[00:27:28] That I've shared

[00:27:30] I'm like

[00:27:30] Wow

[00:27:31] Like

[00:27:32] Mmm

[00:27:32] But when I sit down

[00:27:34] And I listen to these

[00:27:35] Different stories

[00:27:36] Like no

[00:27:36] I've never did drugs

[00:27:37] I think the

[00:27:38] The hard drugs I did

[00:27:39] Was marijuana

[00:27:40] Right

[00:27:40] Right

[00:27:41] Right

[00:27:41] Right

[00:27:42] And I was

[00:27:43] What

[00:27:44] 19

[00:27:44] 20 years old

[00:27:45] When I was

[00:27:45] You know

[00:27:45] When I did that

[00:27:46] You know

[00:27:47] But I knew

[00:27:48] My father was an alcoholic

[00:27:49] So I knew that

[00:27:50] I knew how that

[00:27:52] Took over his life

[00:27:53] And I knew that's

[00:27:54] Something that

[00:27:54] I did not want to do

[00:27:55] So I kept

[00:27:56] I stayed in control

[00:27:57] Of that

[00:27:58] But I knew

[00:27:58] Me being in control

[00:28:00] A lot

[00:28:01] It

[00:28:02] It

[00:28:03] It caused me to lose

[00:28:04] My authentic self

[00:28:06] Does that make sense

[00:28:07] Yeah

[00:28:07] Addiction to control

[00:28:09] Yes

[00:28:10] There you go

[00:28:11] Because if I can

[00:28:11] Control everything

[00:28:12] I can be safe

[00:28:13] Everything's going to be okay

[00:28:15] So I have to control

[00:28:15] Every person

[00:28:16] Place

[00:28:17] Things

[00:28:17] Situation

[00:28:18] Time

[00:28:19] Things that

[00:28:20] The time frame

[00:28:21] That things happen

[00:28:22] All of that stuff

[00:28:22] Yep

[00:28:22] Exactly

[00:28:23] Exactly

[00:28:24] So when I listen

[00:28:25] To your story

[00:28:26] And how your reveal

[00:28:28] Came in such

[00:28:29] A young age

[00:28:31] But not only that

[00:28:32] But you had the courage

[00:28:34] The discipline

[00:28:36] And the want

[00:28:37] To continue

[00:28:38] On that sobriety

[00:28:39] That's not an easy thing

[00:28:41] You talking to a child

[00:28:43] Who is

[00:28:43] Who father

[00:28:45] Was in and out

[00:28:46] Of

[00:28:47] What I say

[00:28:48] We were in and out

[00:28:49] We were

[00:28:50] Many and many a times

[00:28:52] All the way until

[00:28:53] His deathbed

[00:28:53] Well he was like sober

[00:28:54] Probably for like

[00:28:55] Six years before

[00:28:56] He passed away

[00:28:57] But

[00:28:58] It took so many times

[00:29:00] To even get there

[00:29:01] It took time

[00:29:02] Where he

[00:29:03] Lost a kidney

[00:29:04] You know

[00:29:04] He almost was losing

[00:29:05] Everything

[00:29:06] To get to that point

[00:29:08] But for you

[00:29:09] To hear your calling

[00:29:10] But not only that

[00:29:12] You kind of

[00:29:13] Manifested

[00:29:15] You manifested

[00:29:16] That

[00:29:16] Within those two weeks

[00:29:18] That you was like

[00:29:18] I hope somebody

[00:29:19] Catch me

[00:29:20] How am I going to

[00:29:20] Tell my parents

[00:29:21] How am I going to

[00:29:22] Tell my parents

[00:29:22] As you kept

[00:29:23] Calling and calling

[00:29:24] God said okay

[00:29:25] I'm going to show you

[00:29:25] Put that needle

[00:29:26] In your arm

[00:29:26] One more time

[00:29:27] And I'm going to

[00:29:28] Do it to where

[00:29:28] It's going to

[00:29:29] Scare the shit

[00:29:30] Not only out of you

[00:29:31] But out of the ones

[00:29:32] That you love

[00:29:33] Yeah because it was

[00:29:34] So uncharacteristic

[00:29:35] For everything to go down

[00:29:36] The way it went down

[00:29:37] That night

[00:29:38] That wasn't

[00:29:38] A regular occurrence

[00:29:39] So I absolutely

[00:29:40] Set that up

[00:29:41] I 100%

[00:29:43] Absolutely manifested that

[00:29:45] Yeah

[00:29:45] 100%

[00:29:45] Over no is to you

[00:29:47] Thank God

[00:29:48] Thank God

[00:29:52] Thank God

[00:29:53] That happened

[00:29:54] You know

[00:29:55] Because again

[00:29:56] And I don't know

[00:29:57] I can look back

[00:29:59] And think

[00:29:59] And guess

[00:30:00] That you know

[00:30:01] Had I not found

[00:30:01] Heroin

[00:30:02] It would have been

[00:30:03] Alcohol

[00:30:03] And maybe

[00:30:04] It would have

[00:30:05] Maybe it would

[00:30:05] Ended up like your dad

[00:30:06] It might have

[00:30:07] Maybe taken me

[00:30:07] 10-20 more years

[00:30:08] Before I finally

[00:30:09] Hit a bottom

[00:30:10] If it was just

[00:30:10] Alcohol

[00:30:11] Who knows

[00:30:11] Maybe I would have

[00:30:12] Killed somebody

[00:30:12] You know

[00:30:13] In a DUI

[00:30:14] Because now

[00:30:15] Now I can drink

[00:30:16] Out in public

[00:30:17] Before I had to drink

[00:30:18] At parties

[00:30:18] Houses and stuff

[00:30:19] But now

[00:30:19] Now if I'm

[00:30:20] Of legal age

[00:30:21] Drinking the way

[00:30:22] I was drinking

[00:30:22] At 19

[00:30:23] Who knows

[00:30:24] What would have

[00:30:24] Happened

[00:30:25] I absolutely

[00:30:25] Would have been

[00:30:26] Driving home

[00:30:26] From bars

[00:30:27] And restaurants

[00:30:27] All the time

[00:30:28] Right

[00:30:28] So who knows

[00:30:30] Yeah

[00:30:30] Yeah

[00:30:31] All right

[00:30:31] So let's

[00:30:32] Let's talk about this

[00:30:35] Now for you

[00:30:37] Self-help books

[00:30:38] Resources

[00:30:39] That's something

[00:30:39] That you talked

[00:30:40] About that you did

[00:30:40] Which book

[00:30:41] Of a philosophy

[00:30:42] Had most profound

[00:30:44] Impact on your

[00:30:45] Healing journey

[00:30:45] And why

[00:30:47] Most

[00:30:50] It's so hard

[00:30:51] To say one

[00:30:53] There's one

[00:30:54] Called the big

[00:30:54] Leap

[00:30:56] By I think

[00:30:57] His name is

[00:30:58] Gay Hendricks

[00:30:59] The big leap

[00:31:01] Which he goes

[00:31:02] Over the zone

[00:31:02] Of genius

[00:31:03] And the zone

[00:31:03] Of excellence

[00:31:04] And basically

[00:31:05] He goes into

[00:31:07] You know

[00:31:08] What

[00:31:08] What fires us up

[00:31:10] As far as work

[00:31:10] Goes like

[00:31:11] Being of service

[00:31:12] Right

[00:31:12] So he goes

[00:31:13] Into that stuff

[00:31:13] So that's

[00:31:14] One piece

[00:31:15] Of it

[00:31:16] There's not

[00:31:16] Really a

[00:31:17] Book

[00:31:18] Other than

[00:31:19] There's really

[00:31:20] Not a book

[00:31:20] That was my

[00:31:21] Big breakthrough

[00:31:22] Well my

[00:31:22] Big breakthrough

[00:31:23] Naomi

[00:31:23] Was my

[00:31:24] Core wounds

[00:31:25] And it's

[00:31:26] A whole process

[00:31:27] That my

[00:31:27] Coach has

[00:31:28] She has a

[00:31:28] Whole course

[00:31:29] That you

[00:31:29] Can take

[00:31:30] And she

[00:31:31] Coached me

[00:31:31] Through that

[00:31:32] Course

[00:31:32] And that

[00:31:32] Was

[00:31:32] That was

[00:31:33] The big

[00:31:35] Holy

[00:31:35] Crap

[00:31:37] This is

[00:31:37] You talk

[00:31:38] About the roots

[00:31:39] And the core

[00:31:39] That I didn't

[00:31:40] Get in early

[00:31:41] Sobriety

[00:31:41] Because I

[00:31:42] Went to

[00:31:42] Therapy

[00:31:42] After I

[00:31:43] Got sober

[00:31:43] I did

[00:31:44] Therapy for

[00:31:44] A year and

[00:31:44] A half

[00:31:45] Two years

[00:31:45] Great guy

[00:31:46] What did

[00:31:47] We do

[00:31:47] We talked

[00:31:47] A little

[00:31:48] Bit about

[00:31:48] The child

[00:31:49] Issues

[00:31:50] But we

[00:31:50] Mostly

[00:31:50] Talked about

[00:31:51] What happened

[00:31:51] In the last

[00:31:52] Week

[00:31:52] And then

[00:31:53] Before you

[00:31:53] Know it

[00:31:53] 45 minutes

[00:31:54] Is up

[00:31:55] And I

[00:31:55] Got to go

[00:31:56] And now

[00:31:57] I don't

[00:31:58] Have him

[00:31:58] To get

[00:31:58] Ahold of

[00:31:59] When I'm

[00:31:59] Getting

[00:31:59] Triggered

[00:32:00] In real

[00:32:00] Time

[00:32:00] As I'm

[00:32:01] Going

[00:32:01] Through my

[00:32:02] Day

[00:32:02] And something

[00:32:03] Happens

[00:32:03] I can't

[00:32:04] Just call

[00:32:04] My therapist

[00:32:05] And say

[00:32:05] Hey man

[00:32:06] Now I

[00:32:07] Got to

[00:32:07] Write this

[00:32:07] Down

[00:32:07] Maybe

[00:32:08] Remember

[00:32:08] It

[00:32:08] Next

[00:32:09] Month

[00:32:09] When I

[00:32:09] Go back

[00:32:09] To see

[00:32:10] Him

[00:32:10] So that

[00:32:11] Was the

[00:32:11] Benefit of

[00:32:11] Doing this

[00:32:12] Coaching

[00:32:12] Thing

[00:32:12] I had

[00:32:13] Somebody

[00:32:13] In real

[00:32:14] Time

[00:32:14] At the

[00:32:15] Drop

[00:32:15] Of a

[00:32:15] Hat

[00:32:15] Hey

[00:32:16] I'm

[00:32:16] Being

[00:32:16] Triggered

[00:32:17] By

[00:32:17] This

[00:32:17] Hey

[00:32:18] I

[00:32:18] Could

[00:32:18] Go

[00:32:19] Over

[00:32:19] Stuff

[00:32:25] And disapprove

[00:32:26] Of

[00:32:27] When I'm

[00:32:27] Triggered

[00:32:28] When I'm

[00:32:28] Feeling

[00:32:29] Hurt

[00:32:29] When you

[00:32:30] Hurt

[00:32:30] My

[00:32:30] Feelings

[00:32:31] And you

[00:32:31] Make me

[00:32:31] Feel

[00:32:32] This

[00:32:32] And you

[00:32:32] Make me

[00:32:33] Feel

[00:32:33] That

[00:32:33] All that

[00:32:33] Victim

[00:32:34] Mentality

[00:32:34] Right

[00:32:35] It's

[00:32:36] Because I'm

[00:32:36] Feeling

[00:32:36] Rejected

[00:32:37] I'm

[00:32:37] Feeling

[00:32:37] Defective

[00:32:38] I'm

[00:32:38] Feeling

[00:32:38] Disapproved

[00:32:39] Of

[00:32:55] And

[00:32:55] Inactivated

[00:32:56] I

[00:32:56] Get

[00:32:56] Frustrated

[00:32:57] I

[00:32:57] Get

[00:32:57] Afraid

[00:32:58] I

[00:32:58] Get

[00:32:58] Sad

[00:32:59] And

[00:32:59] Then

[00:32:59] I

[00:32:59] Act

[00:33:00] Out

[00:33:00] I

[00:33:00] Might

[00:33:00] People

[00:33:01] Please

[00:33:01] Because

[00:33:01] Now I

[00:33:02] Have

[00:33:02] To

[00:33:02] Make

[00:33:02] You

[00:33:02] Like

[00:33:03] Me

[00:33:03] I

[00:33:03] Have

[00:33:03] The

[00:33:03] People

[00:33:04] Please

[00:33:04] With

[00:33:04] An

[00:33:04] Ulterior

[00:33:05] Motive

[00:33:05] I

[00:33:06] Might

[00:33:06] Get

[00:33:06] Really

[00:33:06] Rageful

[00:33:07] Defensive

[00:33:08] Fight

[00:33:08] Back

[00:33:08] I

[00:33:09] Might

[00:33:09] Withdraw

[00:33:10] Isolate

[00:33:10] So

[00:33:11] That's

[00:33:11] The

[00:33:11] Whole

[00:33:12] Synapse

[00:33:12] Effect

[00:33:13] That

[00:33:13] Happens

[00:33:13] I

[00:33:14] Have

[00:33:14] The

[00:33:14] Core

[00:33:14] Wound

[00:33:15] It's

[00:33:15] Triggered

[00:33:16] I

[00:33:16] Have

[00:33:16] The

[00:33:16] Emotional

[00:33:17] Response

[00:33:17] And

[00:33:17] I

[00:33:17] Have

[00:33:17] The

[00:33:18] Physical

[00:33:18] Action

[00:33:18] That

[00:33:19] Takes

[00:33:19] Place

[00:33:19] And

[00:33:20] So

[00:33:20] And

[00:33:21] It

[00:33:21] Wasn't

[00:33:21] Just

[00:33:22] Having

[00:33:22] That

[00:33:22] Knowledge

[00:33:23] Right

[00:33:23] Because

[00:33:23] Self

[00:33:23] Knowledge

[00:33:23] Is

[00:33:24] Not

[00:33:24] Enough

[00:33:24] Because

[00:33:25] I

[00:33:25] Can

[00:33:25] Read

[00:33:25] So

[00:33:26] She

[00:33:26] Helped

[00:33:26] Me

[00:33:26] Figure

[00:33:27] Out

[00:33:27] That

[00:33:27] Part

[00:33:28] Of

[00:33:28] It

[00:33:28] But

[00:33:28] That

[00:33:28] Was

[00:33:28] Only

[00:33:28] A

[00:33:29] Small

[00:33:29] Piece

[00:33:29] The

[00:33:30] Other

[00:33:30] Piece

[00:33:30] Was

[00:33:30] What

[00:33:31] You

[00:33:31] Talked

[00:33:31] About

[00:33:32] In

[00:33:32] Some

[00:33:33] Of

[00:33:33] Your

[00:33:33] Podcast

[00:33:33] Like

[00:33:34] The

[00:33:34] Affirmations

[00:33:34] The

[00:33:35] Chapras

[00:33:36] The

[00:33:36] Self

[00:33:36] Love

[00:33:36] Components

[00:33:37] Because

[00:33:37] Just

[00:33:38] Knowing

[00:33:38] That

[00:33:38] Information

[00:33:39] Is

[00:33:39] Not

[00:33:40] Enough

[00:33:40] What

[00:33:40] Actions

[00:33:41] Am I

[00:33:41] Going

[00:33:41] To

[00:33:41] Take

[00:33:42] I

[00:33:42] Have

[00:33:42] To

[00:33:43] Take

[00:33:43] Actions

[00:33:43] To

[00:33:44] Change

[00:33:44] My

[00:33:44] Ways

[00:33:45] I

[00:33:45] Can't

[00:33:45] Read

[00:33:46] It

[00:33:46] I

[00:33:46] Can't

[00:33:47] Listen

[00:33:47] To

[00:33:47] It

[00:33:47] In

[00:33:47] A

[00:33:47] Book

[00:33:48] Or

[00:33:49] Read

[00:33:49] In

[00:33:49] A

[00:33:49] Book

[00:33:50] Or

[00:33:50] Listen

[00:33:50] To

[00:33:51] Somebody

[00:33:51] Like

[00:33:51] Us

[00:33:51] Talk

[00:33:52] About

[00:33:52] This

[00:33:52] That's

[00:33:53] Not

[00:33:53] Going

[00:33:53] To

[00:33:53] Change

[00:33:53] My

[00:33:53] Life

[00:33:53] I

[00:33:54] Have

[00:33:54] To

[00:33:54] Take

[00:33:54] Some

[00:33:54] Scary

[00:33:55] Action

[00:33:55] That

[00:33:56] Scares

[00:33:56] The

[00:33:56] Hell

[00:33:57] Out

[00:33:57] Of

[00:33:57] And

[00:33:57] I

[00:33:58] Look

[00:33:58] Back

[00:33:58] I

[00:33:58] Go

[00:33:58] Dude

[00:33:59] You

[00:33:59] Didn't

[00:33:59] Die

[00:34:00] See

[00:34:00] See

[00:34:00] That

[00:34:01] Didn't

[00:34:01] Kill

[00:34:01] You

[00:34:01] You

[00:34:02] Cried

[00:34:02] In

[00:34:02] Front

[00:34:02] Of

[00:34:02] A

[00:34:02] Room

[00:34:03] Of

[00:34:03] 40

[00:34:03] People

[00:34:03] That

[00:34:03] Didn't

[00:34:03] Kill

[00:34:04] You

[00:34:04] See

[00:34:04] You

[00:34:04] Got

[00:34:04] On

[00:34:05] A

[00:34:05] Podcast

[00:34:05] That

[00:34:05] Didn't

[00:34:06] Kill

[00:34:06] You

[00:34:06] See

[00:34:06] You

[00:34:07] Went

[00:34:07] And

[00:34:07] Did

[00:34:07] This

[00:34:07] Other

[00:34:07] Thing

[00:34:08] That

[00:34:08] Didn't

[00:34:08] Kill

[00:34:08] You

[00:34:08] And

[00:34:09] So

[00:34:09] I

[00:34:09] I

[00:34:10] Train

[00:34:10] Myself

[00:34:10] I

[00:34:11] I

[00:34:49] That

[00:34:58] surrounding myself with. Yeah. I like that. I mean, I'm really feeling this. I'm feeling you and

[00:35:03] I am so proud of you. Like, yes. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. I'm really proud. All right. So let's,

[00:35:09] so right now I want to talk about vulnerability and I want to talk about vulnerability practice.

[00:35:14] Okay. Now for you, how do you create a safe way? Cause for this month, we're talking about the

[00:35:20] balancing act of life, you know? So now that you come to the, to the point to where now you've

[00:35:25] become awareness, you know, who you are. You, you come to love who you are and, and figure out who

[00:35:31] that is in there. That's been hurting all of this time. Now for you, how can you, how do you create a

[00:35:37] safe space for yourself and others to be vulnerable? And what does that space look like? And how do you

[00:35:43] maintain it to be safe? And it's safe. The only way I can make you feel safe with me is by bearing

[00:35:51] my soul to you is by, is by kind of leading the way. So I have to share those things with you.

[00:35:57] Have you get to know me? And then you say, okay, that's okay. And you really feel it authentically.

[00:36:03] Like you got the goosebumps on your arms. Like you actually really feel it. I'm not just putting on an

[00:36:08] act and that's putting on a show for you. Cause otherwise I can sit here and say, okay,

[00:36:12] be vulnerable. Tell me your deepest, darkest secret. You're gonna be like, dude, I barely know you.

[00:36:15] You know, like I have to start that by example, lead by example. And so that's how I do that.

[00:36:22] I also really like, I'm not a big astrology horoscope person, but, but I've learned a lot

[00:36:28] about astrology from the personality side of things. So I really liked that. I really liked the sun sign.

[00:36:34] I liked the moon sign and I like all the signs about, you know, I'm an Aquarius. And so I like

[00:36:39] everything that's involved with being an Aquarius, at least knowing those things. And then also knowing

[00:36:44] why do I communicate? Why, why do I like certain people or why do I vibe with certain people and

[00:36:50] not with other people? A lot of it is our astrology signs. I come to find out. And so I use that as a

[00:36:55] tool when I meet with somebody, I get, I get their full natal birth chart from them. And I go over

[00:37:00] like, you know, tell me if any of this stuff makes sense to you. And they're like, wow, yeah,

[00:37:03] actually that does. And some of the things might be stuff that we are repressing and not allowing

[00:37:09] ourselves to flourish and let out. And if we do that, we're also becoming more of the

[00:37:14] person and the people we're meant to be. But because of all the fears or the programming that

[00:37:20] our brain was instilled in us from our family at a young age, we don't allow that to happen. We,

[00:37:25] we, we keep that program into our adulthood. And then we wonder why do I keep having the same

[00:37:31] kind of relationships? Why do we keep having the same crappy jobs, the same being bosses and all the

[00:37:36] victim, victim, victim, victim stuff instead of finally like taking ownership. So it's really,

[00:37:41] it's really individualized in order to make up, or I shouldn't say make, but to help somebody feel

[00:37:47] safe, to help somebody feel vulnerable. And, you know, I'm a very personable person. I'm sure you

[00:37:52] can tell that. So even when I'm working as a nurse practitioner doing telemedicine and, and when I'm

[00:37:56] seeing patients in the treatment centers, I always get really good feedback. Like, wow, you're not like

[00:38:00] the others. Like you're very different. I wasn't really expecting this. Usually when I talk to doctors

[00:38:04] and practitioners, it's like this, that, and the other. So I just have a way of really making people feel

[00:38:09] more comfortable. And that's just really been a gift I've always had. I've, I've never been an

[00:38:15] introvert. I've, I've been easily able to just talk to people in a crowd. We go out in public

[00:38:19] and parties and meet people. And, you know, my girlfriend's always like, go, go talk to them,

[00:38:22] go talk to them, you know, go, go warm them up, you know? So I'm, I'm just kind of good, good with

[00:38:27] that. So for, and it's just a weird thing that, you know, when I'm out in public, just random

[00:38:33] strangers might be standing in line at public. Just tell me, I don't know if you have this experience.

[00:38:37] I used to have random people start opening up about something. It might be a little

[00:38:42] quip that was made. The next thing I know, they're telling me about their spouse at home

[00:38:45] and this and that. I'm like, okay then. All right. So it's just one of those things.

[00:38:50] Yeah. It used to happen to me a lot. I don't go out as often as I used to.

[00:38:54] There you go.

[00:38:56] But yeah, before, yeah, it used to happen a lot when I used to be on set. I'm telling you,

[00:39:00] I used to sit there and you would be telling me their whole life story. And I'm sitting there

[00:39:03] in a whole counseling session, you know? So I totally understand and agree. You're more

[00:39:09] empathetic. You kind of understand. The thing is, is that you come from a very humbling beginnings.

[00:39:15] That chaos that you had in your life is made you to where you are relatable to people. So people

[00:39:21] are not in fear of you. They are, they're more open to share their wounds because not only do they

[00:39:28] see a wounded person, but they see a wounded person who has been going through their healing

[00:39:33] process. If that makes sense. Yeah. If that makes sense. And what I'm excited about is because

[00:39:40] several different guests I talked about, we've talked about men and we talked about the men mental

[00:39:46] and about them tapping into their, um, into their, their sensitivity, um, in their heart, especially

[00:39:54] when dealing with children, especially dealing with their loved ones and not always have to be

[00:40:00] the masculine side, but also tapping into their feminine side for you. Um, and I think it actually,

[00:40:07] and I'm going to say this right now on this thing, I would love for you to come onto my other podcast,

[00:40:12] actually, I'm re-bridging the gap. That is a live show that I do have. And that I know that I have a lot

[00:40:17] of men followers there that watch live. And I, and I know quite a few of them that really probably

[00:40:23] needs to, to hear from a man who actually went through the process of, um, drug addiction,

[00:40:30] alcohol addiction, or whatever addiction that you have went through and also be vulnerable after the

[00:40:35] 19, 20 years that you were sober, that you were able to humble yourself. A lot of times it is not just

[00:40:42] men, us period. When we start to accomplish so many things, we feel like we no longer need to learn

[00:40:49] anything and there's nothing that anyone can tell us because we are, I got this, I already got this

[00:40:54] together. Like, what is it possible? And then at that moment, at that time, that's when we have to

[00:40:58] allow and remove our ego, remove our ego and allow to surrender. So for you as a man to be able to do

[00:41:08] that, that's great. And like I said, I would love for you to be on Ask Naomi, but for you,

[00:41:12] what would you say to another man that's out there? So say I got my listeners out there and

[00:41:16] his men is listening. What would you say to them to say, you know what, come talk to me?

[00:41:20] How would you get them to open up just that little bit to push that button to come and talk to you?

[00:41:28] Are you tired? Are you, are you, are you, are you tired? Are you tired of

[00:41:35] feeling like crap all the time? Are you tired of not really understanding if you have a woman,

[00:41:41] are you tired of like not understanding why she just doesn't listen to you or why she just can't

[00:41:47] understand or why she can't just leave you alone? Are you, you know, are you sick of just kind of

[00:41:52] feeling like a little something's missing? Maybe you're successful with work. Maybe you got all the

[00:41:57] women you could need, or, you know, maybe you work, you know, thousand hours a week and then you come

[00:42:02] home and your wife is still nagging at you. And you're like, look, I put everything on the table.

[00:42:06] I provide all this stuff. Like what more do you want from me? And I want to help you

[00:42:11] tap into that feminine side and understand that. Talk to you, Naomi, any woman, they want that

[00:42:18] feminine side of the man. They want that intimacy. It's about having that balance. And there's a really

[00:42:24] good book called the way, the way of the superior man by David data. And then he has another book

[00:42:29] called intimate communion again, by David data. And he breaks down so beautifully, the difference

[00:42:35] between the femininity and the masculinity and the polarity and how you have to have that equal

[00:42:40] balance. You have to have that push and pull for relationships to be successful. Because if I'm

[00:42:45] walking around in this super masculine mode all the time, and my woman is not this super feminine mode,

[00:42:52] it's just not going to work out. And so what happens is a lot of times we have to figure out the

[00:42:56] balance between the masculine and the feminine, right? And the masculine is the mission driven,

[00:43:00] get it done, no matter what happens, you're not going to let her get in the way this get in the way.

[00:43:05] And then the feminine is that healing, loving, nurturing side of things, right? So like,

[00:43:11] why can't we have that as well? And it's because we were engineered to be warriors and be killers,

[00:43:18] right? Like we can't be out there on the battlefield, feeling bad about shooting some dude in the face.

[00:43:23] Like we can't feel bad about that. We can't have empathy and sympathy. So we have to be that

[00:43:28] ultimate macho masculine, but we're not at war anymore, man. We're not fighting. We don't need

[00:43:32] to fight anymore. So we need to learn a new way. And that new way is like, let's like fix this divorce

[00:43:38] rate. Let's fix this, you know, issues with all the children that don't have their both of their

[00:43:43] parents in their lives. Like, let's start having some successful relationships finally. And that's what

[00:43:47] I'm finding. You know, we've been together, you know, going on seven years now with my girlfriend.

[00:43:51] And I learned, you know, through that first marriage, what not to do. And looking back now

[00:43:57] and learning about masculinity and feminine, I was like, man, no wonder I wouldn't have wanted to be

[00:44:01] with me either. I couldn't make a decision, you know, Hey, where do you want to go out to eat?

[00:44:06] Oh, I don't care where you want to go. I don't care where you want to go. Right. So it's all that,

[00:44:10] like, let me make the decision. I mean, I still surprised the hell out of my girlfriend. I say,

[00:44:14] Hey, put on something nice. We're going out tonight. Where are we going? You'll find out when we get

[00:44:17] there. And she loves it. She loves the anticipation, the excitement, the surprise. So like, keep her

[00:44:22] surprised and keep her guests and don't get years into a relationship and say, now I can lay back and

[00:44:27] coast and be a slob. Like, no, like, keep it going. Keep it going. She's not my friend. She's my lover.

[00:44:34] She's my partner. And my, with my last marriage, we were best friends. And I know there's like some of

[00:44:40] that, but like, there's no, you can't be romantic with your best friend. So it's about figuring that

[00:44:46] out. Right. It's like figuring that out. I have to treat her like a lover, not like a friend. We

[00:44:50] have common, common hobbies, common interests. We do a lot of stuff together and you know, she, yes,

[00:44:56] she's my friend in a way, but she's my lover first. And so like, I treat her that way. She appreciates

[00:45:01] the hell out of it, you know? And so that's a lot of stuff that I've learned that, you know,

[00:45:05] a macho man doesn't want to like, get, get out of here with that. You know, I want to earn money,

[00:45:11] have sex and move on. Like, that's it. And how's that working for you? Is my question. When you look

[00:45:19] in the mirror, how is that working for you? How do you feel? How do you feel? Look at yourself in the

[00:45:25] mirror. Right. Right. All right. So let's talk about, um, balancing life for you, your practical

[00:45:31] tools. Um, what do you, could you share one or two specific daily practices that you have been doing,

[00:45:39] um, with your, um, your self-care routine and how did this practice, um, help you to maintain your

[00:45:46] emotional and physical balance? So I have, I have an affirmations log that I do. Of course, I'm not,

[00:45:53] you know, super consistent all the time. I go through phases, but I have an affirmations, uh,

[00:45:57] journal that I do where I write down everything I appreciate, like literally everything at full

[00:46:02] page. And then I also have a section on that page where I put things that I'm looking forward to. Now,

[00:46:08] this could be things that are actually coming up. Like I'm looking forward to, I have a boxing mat

[00:46:13] tournament next week, next month I'm doing in Atlantic city. I'm looking forward to this boxing

[00:46:17] tournament. I'm, I'm looking forward to going on this vacation, but I also will put, I'm looking

[00:46:22] forward to, you know, being super rich, uh, during my retirement. I'm looking, so I'm looking forward

[00:46:28] to stuff that is not happening yet, but I'm also looking forward to things that I have scheduled

[00:46:32] that are that I'm looking forward to, right. I'm looking forward to going to this concert I'm going

[00:46:36] to on Friday. So I balance out right with having all these really cool things that are coming up,

[00:46:42] but also stuff like we talk about manifest and maybe some stuff that I want to manifest that hasn't

[00:46:46] happened yet. So I put down like three or five of those things. I also do some breathing

[00:46:50] exercises in the morning. The first thing I do before I even have a cup of coffee or anything,

[00:46:55] I have a glass of water and I sit with my headphones on. I listened to some focus tones for about five

[00:46:59] minutes and do this pretty cool nasal breathing technique with one nostril at a time, just for

[00:47:04] five minutes keeps, keeps the adrenaline level down low because as soon as I get going to work,

[00:47:09] it's like, go, go, go, go, go. So it's about balancing that out and having some of that self-care

[00:47:14] and, you know, not eating like a pig exercising, you know, self-care, no nicotine, you know,

[00:47:21] obviously for me, no drugs or alcohol. So there's a lot involved with it, with staying active and

[00:47:26] staying busy and staying, staying healthy. That's good. That's good. That's good. I just wanted to

[00:47:32] go back one last time. I want to go back to, um, and why I wait. Yeah, I want to go back.

[00:47:41] I want to go back to when you were in rehab. And so I didn't ask you this, but I'm going to ask you

[00:47:49] this now from the first time that you went through rehab and it was like, you was going on your

[00:47:56] recovery. Did you ever have a fallback? I didn't have a fallback per se. I, I was about five or six

[00:48:04] days into rehab. Right. So I was on this cloud of like, Oh, this is going to be the best thing ever.

[00:48:09] Thank God I found this life is going to be great now. And I was about five or six days into rehab

[00:48:15] when I started having my first, you know, kind of like craving obsession. And what was going on was

[00:48:21] I had some secrets and things that were starting to come up that I didn't want to deal with. And I

[00:48:28] sure as hell wasn't going to talk in this group therapy class about what are they going to think

[00:48:33] about me? Right. And so I was like, I'm cutting bait. I'm out of here. I'm hopping that wall and I'm

[00:48:38] going to get high because I did not want to feel this because now I'm having feelings. Yeah. And

[00:48:43] damn it. I don't want to have feelings. I don't like, I've been doing everything I can to avoid

[00:48:47] having feelings. Yeah. And so, you know, I talked in the group, I came out about stuff that, that I

[00:48:53] was dealing with and struggling with. And, and I learned, I learned the benefit of, of exposing and

[00:48:57] shining light on things when you're in the darkness, shine the light on it. And guess what? It's not as big

[00:49:02] as scary as you thought it was when you, when you shine the light on it. And also when I have feelings,

[00:49:07] I wrap my arms around feelings today and just sit with them. Cause you know, my, a good mentor of

[00:49:13] mine years ago told me nobody ever died from having feelings, Patrick, you never saw on an autopsy port

[00:49:18] died from such and such feeling. You know, we get so dramatic, especially in early recovery with

[00:49:23] having feelings like, Oh, this is going to kill me, you know, become drama Queens and stuff. And it's like,

[00:49:28] dude, just sit with it. Let it pass. Don't run and don't cover it up and don't numb it.

[00:49:34] And it's going to be okay. It's going to pass. And then just like I said, a little while ago,

[00:49:38] the more I do these things, I find out, Hey, it didn't kill me. I can, I can be okay. And so when

[00:49:43] I started having these feelings and feeling this way in front of a group of 40 strangers, 18 months

[00:49:49] ago, it was like, okay, I know the benefits of letting this out and sharing this with people

[00:49:55] because it doesn't, you know, hopefully they're not going to laugh or mock me or anything like

[00:49:59] that. And if they do, that's none of my business, right? That's not your business.

[00:50:04] Because the benefits that I'm going to get from it way outweigh anything that anybody can do to me.

[00:50:10] Yeah. Well, Patrick, thank you so much for sharing. We have come to the end of the show.

[00:50:16] Yeah. Give your information where, if there is anybody out there looking for you to coach them,

[00:50:21] to help them through whether they are doing alcohol or drug abuse or anything of that story,

[00:50:28] even if you are a man out there and you feel like you can't talk to a woman and you see him

[00:50:33] as being someone that you can resonate, please give your information where they can contact you at.

[00:50:38] Yeah. Thanks for giving me the chance to do that. So I have a website. It's called PatrickCaseyJr.com.

[00:50:43] And I have a, actually, I have a free 60 minute masterclass there. It's titled Breaking Through

[00:50:51] Self-Destructive. It's called Three Steps to Breaking Through Self-Destructive Patterns.

[00:50:55] I'm also working on a course I hope to have out next month in October, actually in October.

[00:51:00] It's about the five ways to effectively communicate with the man in your life. So especially for women

[00:51:05] who have a husband, a son, a nephew, anybody like that, where they're like, I just can't get through

[00:51:10] to him. I know he needs help. I know he's struggling. I just can't get through to him.

[00:51:13] So I'm doing a course on how to help, help you ladies communicate that with the man, you know,

[00:51:18] without coming across as like, Hey, quit nagging me, quit bothering me all the time,

[00:51:22] you know, to kind of be more constructive and efficient with it. So I'm on Instagram as well

[00:51:27] at Patrick Casey Jr. And then on Facebook, Patrick MC for Michael Casey Jr. Patrick MC Jr.

[00:51:35] So that's where you can find me. So I look forward to, you know, helping anybody out or if you,

[00:51:39] you know, I can give you some referrals or again, if you want to check out the free masterclass,

[00:51:43] see if, see if that resonates with you as well. It's 60 minutes of your time. I mean,

[00:51:48] it's really not a big deal. It's free. Yeah. Yeah. And it's free.

[00:51:53] Yeah, it is. I'm applauding you right now. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate your enthusiasm

[00:51:59] and having me. It was awesome. Beautiful. You know, because it does, it takes a lot of courage.

[00:52:05] It takes a lot of courage to sit in front of someone you, you don't know. And just to be

[00:52:11] able to tell your story and to relive your story, because when you tell your story, you relive

[00:52:16] your story over and over again. So that is your strength. And I love it, but also your vulnerability

[00:52:23] is a part of your strength as well. But not only are you showing me that, but you showing the world

[00:52:28] that once again. And as you continue to grow with your business and do, yeah, you're going to be

[00:52:34] coming out of that, the Florida thing and you're going to be speaking out around the world. And I, I,

[00:52:39] I truly thank you for just sharing this space with me and my listeners here, here on the season of

[00:52:46] self-love and just sharing your wisdom and your experience. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Appreciate the work

[00:52:50] you're doing too. I enjoyed your, you know, I, whenever I get on a podcast with somebody, I listen to the

[00:52:53] first handful or listen to the last hand, most recent handful, just to kind of see the progression

[00:52:58] for you guys too, and see how it's changed and evolved. So it's really cool. I like the work

[00:53:02] you're doing too. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. And to our listeners out there, I want you to remember

[00:53:06] that the journey of self-love and Hilly is all going, but each step you take, it's a step towards

[00:53:13] more of a balance and fulfilling life. So be sure to check out our show notes and links to Patrick

[00:53:18] resources in upcoming workshops. And as I always say, join me tomorrow for another episode of the season

[00:53:24] of self-love. So until then, keep loving yourself and embracing your journey. Have a good one.

[00:53:32] Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering and empowerment here at the season

[00:53:37] of self-love podcast. Remember embracing self-love is a continuous journey and we're so glad to have

[00:53:43] you with us. So if you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a review and don't forget to join our

[00:53:50] community on Facebook at season of self-love. Connect with like-minded individuals who are also on their

[00:53:56] self-love journey. Now, if you have any questions or topics that you'd like for us to explore,

[00:54:01] we'd love to hear from you. Email us at seasonofselflove at gmail.com and let your voice be heard.

[00:54:09] So until next time, take a moment for yourself today. And remember you are worthy of love, joy,

[00:54:16] and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. Have a good one.