The Power of Service & Community: Cultivating Connection Through Conscious Love with Christian de la Huerta | Wisdom Wednesday

What if the love that you've been searching for and others has been waiting inside all along. What if real connection, the kind that transform lives and heal community, starts not with finding the right person, but with knowing yourself deeply enough to love consciously. Well, today we are exploring something profound on how personal healing becomes a collective transformation, and how service begins with self love, and how conscious love breaks the patterns that keep us stuck in the same relationship cycles over and over again. Well, I'm Naomi Banks, and this is the season and self love. Today's conversation with spiritual teacher Christian Di Lahorte is going to shift something in you. Trust me, let's dive in. Welcome to the Season of Self Love podcast, the Season of Healing Intentionally. I am your host, Banks, and I am so glad that you are here. This season, we are slowing down to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, We're creating a space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and the kind of self love that transform from the inside out. This podcast is brought to you by Axs Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. Well, we believe that loving yourself intentionally is a foundation of true transformation. So whether you're on your own journey of rebirth navigating life transitions, we're simply choosing yourself. This is your safe space. So get comfort, grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally because you deserve to embrace that beautiful person that you are. Now, let's get. Started, all right, be beautiful people. Well, welcome back to this season and self Love Podcast. I'm your host, Naomi Banks, and I am truly glad that you are here. With me today. Well, this month, we are exploring a very powerful thing and it's called giving back and how true service of community begin with love and healing and with you. Now, today's episode is a special one because it's called the power of service and community, cultivating connection through conscious love. And I am honored to be joined by someone who has worked truly touched by spirit and as Christian Dell Horta. And I hope that I'm saying his name right, So when I brag them to the stage, I'm gonna ask. Him all right. But for thirty years, Christian. Has been guiding people through deep personal transformation. His wisdom spans spirituality, breath, work and emotional healing, and his latest work, Conscious Love, is helping people to break through the patterns that block real, meaningful connection. So if you ever wonder how your personal growth ties into collective healing, this conversation is for you. But before I bring Christian to the stage, let's take a quick break. All right, it's Segurty Goddess. Let me Banks here on the Season and Stuff Love podcast and we'd. Be right back. Washington wells into two focuses on healing. Always for me, if I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I live the good. So I can be paid to be my greatest. But I have to learn the good to be the good. So what does it take to be the greatest. It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be kind to yourself and you'll always. Hey, Segurty, God is now me Banks. It makes sure YouTube. In this three Thursday night at Naomi podcast. We'll we talk about everything you love, sex, relationship, cost, the differences, and. So much more by bridging the gap between them all. And we even talk about this pure vening. You need to stop by me and dot com mycoda as well as. The BTG three. You have some amazing guests to comfortable. You never know. Just make sure you tune met Thursday night, six pm six percent of time. Go to ex mail dot com. And tell the miamis all right, My beautiful people will welcome back. Well, hello, Krista, did I just butcher your last night? No? Hey, no, we know you actually did pretty well the age of selling and Spanish, but you got everything else. You got all the vowel sounds perfectly perfect, beautiful, beautiful. Well, I am truly excited for you to be here. I'm truly excited about our conversation. But usually before we get into it, we do a nice grounding, you know, just to ground us before we get into the top of your hand. So, listeners, you already know if you could just get in a nice comfortable position and close your eyes. Get comfortable, and let's take a moment to be still. Find a comfortable position and close your eyes. Now I want you to take a slow, deep breath in and exhale fully feel the presence of your heart, the space where love and connection begin. Now I imagine a circle of light that expanding from your heart. This gently reaching out to connect with others in kindness and in service. Now your next breadth in I want you to breathe in empathy and breathe out isolation. Today we are realigned with the divine power of love in community. Take one final ty breath, then excel, and when you are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, my beautiful people, again, thank you for just sharing that space with me. And if you are new here to the Season and Self Love podcast, it's something we do every day Monday through Friday, just again to ground us before we get into the top. All right, Christian, you're ready. You know. I've had a chance to look over your work, some of your work, and I love. What I love the most is how you you bring deep truth into something as universal as in complicated as love will be. You know. And it's so funny because I remember even when I created the Season of Self Love, and I remember explaining to a friend to mind about the deepness for me with self love is it's about having an intimate relationship with yourself. And it was like, how can I call myself a relationship coach or a love coach and to other people, but we were. Unsure on how to love ourselves. You know, how can we be in another relationship with someone else and we don't have that. So so when I did that, it was like, it's just love, It's just it's just you loving yourself. And I'm like, no, it's not. It's it's a lot of healing that goes into this whole thing, this whole thing. Well, can you share? Can you start by sharing. A bit about your journey and what led you to explore love and spirituality? Well, I mean, first of all, thank you for that beautiful guide of meditation, and you're so right right like it, So it ties in what you were saying. Love starts within, like how can we even expect anybody to love us if we don't love ourselves? And how can we really love ourselves if we don't know ourselves. So it all begins by self knowledge, self awareness, taking the time, and yeah, it takes effort to understand, you know, why we do the things we do, why we attract certain people, why certain things trigger us when they may not trigger you. And yeah, it takes work. It takes paying attention to ourselves and the patterns in our lives. But it is so infinitely worthy because the problem is is that we've been running all of our relationships from subconscious wounds from the past that sometimes we're not even aware of. So that's not a really good strategy. And so to answer your question, now, I've been doing transformational work for over thirty years now, and it started. You know, I started out studying psychology. My dad was a psychiatrist. I thought I was going to go in that direction, a PhD in psychology. But I started, you know, as I went through college, I realized that at least then. I know, there's some schools now where they involve spirituality, but at least then, and the schools that I was going to, you know, they totally ignore that part of us. And I was thinking, well, how can you ignore such an integral part of being human as our spirituality? And so I started looking elsewhere. I started looking eastward as I look at some of the religions of the East, Buddhism, Hinduism, that kind of thing, indigenous traditions. Because I had also gotten to one in my life in which the religion in which I was raised, which was Catholicism, realized I didn't didn't have room for me. You know, as I here, part of me wanted to really serve the sacred serve God as I understood it then, and being told by a religion in which I wanted to be a part of that, I was going to burn in hell for eternity for being who I am and for being gay, and so you know, I had to like eventually throw the baby out with a baptismal water and had to it. Had to figure out other ways because you know, in my twenties, I started focusing. I focused mostly professionally on my own personal development, but started to realize there's got to be more to life than you know. It was pretty successful. I was sought after socially, professionally, but it felt like I had this expanding hole in my gut, like there was something missing. So that's when I started searching again for meaning for purpose. Yeah, you know that's beautiful, and you just speak so beautifully about the ways of unconscious belief how it shapes our relationship. That's the thing I remember going through my spiritual journey, and I can say actively I went through my spiritual journey probably about thirteen years ago. My daughter will be thirteen in November. Now she would be this much, you will be thirteen years old. And I remember I became pregnant. It was told to me that I would not be able to have any children, any more children unless I went through the whole with the pills and the shots and all of that. And at that time, I wasn't trying. I just figured I was done. I've already had waters. And so moving forward, when I was going through that and I was on bear risk, that was my part of time that I was really able to tap into myself. You know. I created a whole prayer closet in my closet, and I remember just going through with the forgiveness letters. These were all things I was just doing on my own, like someone was saying, this. Is what you need to do. And in that process, I remember I had just retired from the adult industry and so I was just doing radio. That's all I was doing was radio. And I remember, excuse me, going to get rebaptized all over again because I wanted to cleanse, excuse me, all of the dirt that I was told that was on me from being a part of that industry. You know, even though when I say Christian, I play. I prayed every day on my way. To set like I constantly kept God in my life, but I didn't go to church. And why I didn't go to church is because I was told that I was going to hell, you know, and so I had to find my way to have my own intimate relationship with God. But when I thought about the self love journey of it all, and that wasn't let me say that that started to happen when I turned fifty. I can't believe you. Thank you. So when I closed that first book of life for me, the gift for me when I turn fifty one was that, you know, we're gonna talk about self love. I remember the book that I read that opened up everything, and that was the Surrendering experience by Michael A Sick. That literally opened my eyes. It confirmed a lot of things that I believe when I was younger, you know, just all of those things that I just knew that I was more connected to God than people will give me credit for it, just because of what I did for living, not about who I am as person, you know, but what I looked at on the outside of what my career was or who I can possibly love it wasn't about me. And when I started to figure that out, that is when I was like, Okay, this. Is what I did. This is what love and spirituality being. And when I speak of just sitting back and being aware and surrendering, that's one of the best and curious feelings all in one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting because in my earlier book, the one that came out a couple of years ago, Awakening the Soul of Power, talks about how how do we step into power in a way that's not about hierarchy, control of fear, for e stamination, How do we do it in a different way that doesn't require that we push anybody down put our knee to their neck in order for us to prop ourselves up and feel powerful. Yeah. And one of the sections in that is the power of surrender because we misunderstand that word, you know, we think that it's throwing in the white towel, that it's giving up, that it's wimping out, and it's not. It's an incredibly empowering act and an incredibly courageous act. Yeah it is. And it's not disempowering at all. Yeah, yeah, it is. So what was the moment of your turning point that you that brought you to, where your realization that love can be a path of healing and not just individually but also for the communities too. Yeah, you know it's I've been doing the coaching component, the transformational coaching. I've been doing retreats for over thirty years and still by far the area of life that most people I work with struggle with is that is relationships. So I started, you know, reading about it and thinking about it, and it's like, why is it that we struggle so much in this area? And so that's kind of what I did in this book has come up with ten challenges and areas that we struggle with and how do we how do we navigate those? How do we how do we how do we solve those problems? And starting with the first one, which is how do we approach them? Right? If we're approaching a relationship with the expectation, Ya, that's going to complete us, You're gonna make me happy, forget it, hang it out, it's not gonna work. There isn't anyone out there who's gonna complete us, who's going to make us happy, and it's not their job to So how unfair to put that responsibility, big responsibility. You gonna make me happy? Yikes. It's a big job and a lot of pressure to put on a relationship. Yeah. So no, it's so no wonder we have relationship stuff. You are so correct in there. I remember my middle baby. I remember her, you know, starting to go into the dating field. I think she was like sixteen or seventeen years old, and I remember she was like, oh mom, this this guy likes me. And I'm just I'm just sitting there like, oh my god. And I said, well, let me. I said, let me tell you something. I said, if it was a perfect world for me, you probably wouldn't be dating till you're like twenty or thirty years old. And the reason why I say that is because when you're in a relationship with someone else, it's a lot of responsibility. I'm gona tell you why I said, because there is a communication barrier that y'all don't even understand what that means. You know, do you even know what it means to be in a relationship with someone. I'm talking about holding hands, I'm talking about talking and communicating back and forth. That means you have to think about their emotions when you're probably going through something. And she looked at me like I had three hands. That's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot, I say, Yes, it is a lot. I said, because now you are looking at that person as your partner, whether it is just boyfriend or girlfriend. You're in a relationship with that person, but also what makes you happy. And she couldn't tell me. So until you know what makes you happy, then choose a boy. Now she like that went over her head because that's she in a relationship. But I'm just. Saying, those are things that you know. I tell both her and my oldest one, and they look at me. They looked at me, but now now they understand exactly what I'm talking about. There's no way around it. Like I love that the words that you're using your guide of meditation, you know, to breathe in what was it empathy and breathe out isolation. And that's part of the reason that we end up settling in relationships. You know that we override the yellow flags and the red flags, like somewhere in there we know this isn't going to work, but because we're afraid of being alone, because we feel isolated, because we're trying to run away from from ourselves and we don't want to face the stuff that's buried deep down in there, then we settle. Yeah, and that's how can we expect that to work? It cannot work. Yeah. Yeah, So you know, since we're talking about that, because that's really let's go into about conscience love. Because when you talk about that fear, when you talk. About conditioning, when you talk about the emotional rooms that keep us from connecting deeply with other people, how do you see how do you see personal relationship challenges that show it up on a broader a broader society, in our broader society, that is. Well, the we will start with this, you know, the the reason that most of us get stuck in power struggles and relationships, whether they're interpersonal or international, it's because we don't have a real understanding of who we are and why we do the things we do. So in this earlier book on power, I spent probably the first quarter or maybe a fifth of the book explaining what the ego mind is. Because if we want to have relationships that have a chance of working, if we want to have a life that is filled with meaning, with purpose, if we want to avoid these power struggles that we seem to get stuck in. We have to understand what the ego mind is, because that's the part of us that gets us in troubles free time and we don't have time to get into it. It's it's a big conversation. But here's a great visual that helps us get it. If you put up a baseball in the center of a stadium, that's the ego. And so the word ego means I in Latin. So the ego part of us is, you know, because we tend to associate that word with arrogance inflated sense of self, and it is that, but it's a whole lot more than that, So that that baseball is the sense of separate identity. There's this Christian that's Naomi. Who we are is actually the freaking stadium. And we've allowed this tiny, tiny, tiny part of who we are to think that it is all who we are and to make really important consequential choices about our lives, about what we do with them, what kind of jobs we take, what kind of relationships we get into, who we hang out with. From a very small, limited and always fear based perspective, So to me, that's the starting point understanding who we are, and that means understanding the ego mind, which is both an incredible leap and evolution. Like, as far as we know, we're the only species that has a sense of self. There's some theories about the elephants and the higher primates and the dolphins on the way. You know, we've seen the YouTube video. As you put a dog or a cat in front of a mirror, they interact with that image as if it was another dog or a cat. You put a higher primate like a champ of gorilla in front of a mirror and you put ash on their shoulder. At some points they'll go like this, which lets us know that they know that's an image of them. To leap from that to a sense of separate self and identity, we really can do them. And so Ken Wilbert, who writes about this stuff really intelligently and insightfully, talks about how humanity hasn't always had a sense of self like that's at one point we were at one with all of creation. We didn't feel separate from and when the ego developed that sense of separate identity, it was both an incredible leap and evolution. That's one of the reasons we're so smart and so successful. It's also the reason that we suffer because now we can feel isolated, we can feel lonely, we have a sense of our own mortality, we can feel abandoned, we can feel rejected, and so important to know what that is so that we can say, wait a minute, that wasn't me who reacted and who said something really mean because I was hurt. So when I get them back because they hurt me, it was like, whoa wait, worried? That was my ego that got defensive and I got hurt. But I have a choice over them next time. I can take a deep breath when I feel that ouch, and rather than reacting immediately and hurting somebody back or hurting them spontaneously, take a pause, right and choose how we want to be, what we want to say, what we want to do, than just react automatically. And it's going to save us so much heartache and so much pain and so much suffering. Yeah, beautiful, thank you for that. So let's talk about your breath work. That's something that you that you talk about a lot, and I know we here on the season, so we kind of like, you know, kind of glance over it a lot with the breath work, But could you explain how important breath work is in your daily life? Well, I mean, and you you started your beautiful meditation with a deep breath. So the breath is the beginning and the end of everything. Breath is life. Breath is our most loyal companion on this journey of being alive, on this journey of embodiment and beyond. Not even more deeper than that. If you look at most spiritual traditions in the world, and even several secular languages, the same word one word can mean breath or spirit, depending on how so. For example, numa in ancient Greek meant both lung and from that where we get pneumonia, and it also meant soul and from the Latin root speed that from that we get both respiration and inspiration or expiration. So the breath is the most important thing, and that's what allows us to buy us that that moment of choice, but that I'm doing that automatic reaction, and then the react regret right because the adrenaline dissipates, and then like a couple of minutes later, it's like, oh my god, I can't believe I said that that was so mean, that it really wasn't warranted. And you know, we we mess up our relationships because of that reactivity of the ego, that that it is so defensive and it takes everything personally. And so once we get that understanding of who we are, and we by by using the breath consciously, we buy ourselves that moment, you know, call it a moment of grace to enough voice what we can choose them. It doesn't mean wimping out at all. Right, We get to choose all of our emotions, We get to choose how we communicate, even with anger if we want to, but at choice not reacting, because the problem with that reaction, as we're talking about earlier, is that most of the time we're reacting to previous hurts, old wounds, conclusions, that misunderstandings that we got to when we were kids, right, which we don't even remember half half of it, or maybe even most of it, or our parents in a moment of overwhelmed because they were just doing the best that they could set something to us, and those little minds that didn't know any better took it personally, right, and so then we reach conclusions, oh my God, there's something wrong with me. I'm not smart enough, I'm not beautiful enough, I'm too much of this, I'm not enough of that. And those things which are really difficult to face and to and to look at, we suppress them. Just because we suppress them doesn't mean to go away. We try to sweep all that stuff under the rug, but it doesn't work. It's it only festers and gets worse under the surface. And then we make all those choices from the underlying beliefs, unconscious beliefs that I'm not good enough. Can we how can we expect to attract anything that's going to reflect other than that that I'm not good enough? So that's what we end up sabotaging our relationships even before we get started with them, by attracting the wrong people, you know, falling for people who are not available, they already with somebody else, they live on the other side of the world, or people who just not a match for us. Doesn't mean better, doesn't mean we're worse. It's just not a match maybe before we are in life, but we subconsciously sabotage and we make sure that they don't work subconsciously. But the problem is that we ensure the very same thing we're trying to avoid, which is that we end up alone because it's not gonna work. That was long. I truly do understand it, and I hope that the listeners, truly, you know, heard and understand everything that you said in it. Also when you were talking about and I want to say because I got a little brain fag going on sometimes, but when you had spoke about sabotaging yourself in relationships even before, like you attract those relationships that you know that are not going to work. And when you said that, in my mind was like they don't want to do the work to heal to be in a successful relationship. That's what just came in my mind, because when you go through the healing process, you have to go back and you have to heal that little person, whatever that was that that parent said, or whatever you witness or whatever you touch, you do have to go back there and do that work. And some people are just not ready to do that or fear of doing that, and so they rather live in that moment of just septule, I don't have to deal with it. I know that's not gonna work. It's just gonna go because I'm not gonna go back. To that hurt exactly exactly. And that's the beauty of a breath work, by the way, and breathwork is a very big umbrella term. And anybody who's ever gone to a yoga classies done breathwork right. The will Priama practices the type of breathwork that I offer that I've been doing for a long time. It's like breathwork on steroids, Like you breathe in a certain way, in a circular, connected way for about an hour an hour and a half, and amazing stuff happens. Have yet to come across anything that heals past trauma, right, So those old wounds that we're talking about, that heals it as quickly and as effectively. And I know that sounds too good to be true that just by breathing that can happen, but I can't argue with the results. It works, and what it takes is a the ability to breathe. Check we got that. Secondly, is what you're just talking about is the willingness to go back. And it doesn't mean you're gonna get stuck in it again, right, It just means you're going to go clear that trauma. That now lives in the body, which is the reason that top therapy. With all due respect, I come out of that tradition. My dad was a psychiatrist. But with all the respect to that tradition, the reason that sometimes how many times are we heard I've been going to therapy for twenty thirty years, rehashing the same old crown and nothing happens. And it certainly helps to understand why we do the things we do. But the trauma lives in the body, so no amount of talking at it, talking about it is going to get to it. That's the beauty of the breath work. It bypasses the mind and it goes to the source of that trauma, which now is in the body, and it clears it. And yes, you could have a memory about something that happened in your past. People often do. You could have cathartic moments. You could find yourself laughing or crying, have emotions come up. But it really clears that old stuff. It gets rid of it permanently and lives change after once. Now mmm, you know, I do I believe you. I had did this past December. I had went on a weekend retreat and I remember doing the breath work, and I can't think right on hand exactly what it was, but it was a good thirty minutes that we were in doing that practice, and I remember we did it every day, twice a day, and I just remember my body going through something. That whole weekend was amazing for me because I was able to really tap into my spiritual gifts during that weekend. But I truly do believe you. You know, you had mentioned earlier about your very first book that you was awakening what was the name of Awakening? What Awakening the Soul of Power. That's a second book, but yes, go. Ahead, that's a second book. Tell me some more about that book. I mean, I would love to actually get both of all of your books, but tell me some more about that one. Yeah, the first book is called Coming Out Spiritually. The power book is Awaken the Soul of Power. So again, it's how do we step into power in a way that doesn't require that we push anybody down abuse power in order for us to feel powerful, And it's for everybody, like we all have power issues. We all struggle with power because we've been conditioned, right, we misunderstand it too, just like we misunderstand love. And have very limited understanding of what love is. Same thing with power, and then we've been conditioned to believe that power is a bad thing. How many times have we heard power corrupts and solute power corrupts absolutely, and what good person wants to be corrupted? But what they didn't tell us about that quote is that Lord Acton, who spoke those words, was speaking specifically about political power, not the interpersonal power that you and I are talking about. And so when you combine that conditioning, when you combine you know, how many times have we witnessed abuses of power, whether in our personal lives, are in society and culture on TV? Like all we have to do is turn on the news on any given day to witness abuses of power. And so when you combine all of that, we rejected, Yeah, no I don't I don't want to be corrupted. No, I don't want to be an abuse or power. But that's only one type of power. So we throw the whole thing away, and in the way, in the process, we give our power away. And we've all done it, Like, how many times have we said yes, when inside it really wasn't okay with us inside it was a no but in order to maintain that illusion of peace, that pseudo piece in a relationship or at home, right, we swallow our truth, healings, our desires, our dreams. We swallow all that stuff and we end up settling. And not a good strategy. Not a good and not effective strategy either. So the book we step into power in a different way. And so I talk about different kinds of power. And so for example, here's one great way to look at it, to talk about worldly power or ego power versus soulful power. And you know, think of a of a Gandhi or Doctor King and the whole you know, movement of non violence which brought about dramatic change. Yeah, like Gandhi brought the British Empire to its knees when it was at its highest point globally, and he did that without ever shooting a gun or landing a single punch. That's power. Yeah. And doctor King's work, that's power. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I truly really that listeners are really tapping into this. I don't think they understand. I mean, we talk about certain things all the way up this. So let me share with you. This year is all about the Year of the rebirth for us, the rebirth for us. And by the way, the breath the breathwork modality that I teach was originally called the rebirth thing. But go ahead, oh wow, because in healing past trauma, maybe people he heal their birth process, which is traumatic for everybody involved. Yes, and so they heal that trauma and some people you feel themselves going through the birth canal and reliving that whole process all over again, so they get to reset to start over. Yeah, anyway, I'm sorry, go ahead. Yeah, yep, Now I forget Christian. No, but the rebirth, that's what you were talking about. Yeah, the rebirth. And so I've been going through my own transmission just physically wise, but it turns so spiritual for me and it actually brought me into another side of my purpose as well. I've gotten a breast ex plant, so I removed the breast implants that I had had for over twenty two years and it was causing me to be ill for years, years, years. But through that whole experience that I had, I was able to go into a community of women and you know, be voisterous in what my journey was going through and to be just going through all of that. I just remember connecting with other people. But also I wasn't going to share that. I wasn't going to share that on this. Platform at all. I was gonna say, Okay, I want to got an explan and that's it. I had to remove my ego. I have to remove all of what I thought that I was to be able to sit in that and share that, you know. And it was so funny because I remember saying to myself, how can you talk about self love? How can you talk about. Having an intimate relationship with yourself when you're still moving from insecurity? Because you know these bags that's within your body that's making you ill. So why haven't you listened to your body? Why haven't you chosen to remove them? Is it for you know? External validation? You know, for you? And when I keep going back and forth with it, it was like, hell. Did I'm I'm very vocal, I'm very honest, I'm very authentic. Ess I say I'm eighty percent. Just say I'm eighty percent, and each one of my boobs is ten percent. So I need to take these out so I can be one hundred percent fully in me. That's hilarious, I mean, but it's serious. I have a friend who just did the same thing last month, and for me that is such an empowering act that it's a humble act and an empowering act, and it really points to the deep, deep level of self acceptance. Yes, because you are no longer willing to settle for what other people like. You're saying the external validation what other people think of me. What's a guy going to think if I take them out? And you're saying, no, I love myself, I value myself. I honor this beautiful body of mind more than whatever anybody else can say with. Yes, yes. And it was so funny because I was telling my husband, I said, look, you ready for this because I'm at one hundred percent, baby, like he met me when I. Had my book, so he had eight, So now you're ready for this. I was already too much eighty you ready for this? I love that? And he was saying, yes, baby, he said, I'm ready to see it. And so that you know, that helped a lot. I remember just sharing that I didn't know how deep the transformation for myself that it was going to be, because there were some truths and a. Lot of things that I've read information that I saw. I saw this amazing documentary called Xplant with Michelle Visage, and she was going through her whole thing with you know, with the breast implants and explaining them. But when I saw how. The people that are in charge, the ones are in control, how they dismissed a lot of the women voices, most of the women voices. They dismissed them. And now they have what they call a black box warning that's on each one of the implants. And they gave the doctors the surgeons that this is a warning on each one of these implants, but it's up to you to tell the patients about that. You know. When I thought about that, I said, oh my god, there are misusing the power. That they have. You understand what I'm saying, And it's really yeah, And it just moved. It was just like, oh my god, Like how has this been going on for so long? And I think about my three girls. My three girls are ten years apart. I have a thirty two, thirty three year old, twenty three year old, and now will be a thirteen year old. So each one of my girls are ten years apart, and I have a grand baby. So when I and she's a girl. So when I think about that, and I think about the awareness that they have for women or the care that they. Have for women, it's not there. So it's just like, how can what can I do? What can be my part of to help. Somewhere in this, you know, for my daughters or my daughter's friends, or my you know, my granddaughter or whatever to you know what. They gonna have to look outside of that validation yet again and have it within themselves, you know, And that will help really move me to like this is this is the best thing that you ever did in your life besides birthing your three beautiful girls, you know, And just that sits. With me when I say it's sis, it's sis right there at the tip of my heart it do. Yeah, love that so much and it's so moving. And you know, I think I sidetracked myself when we're talking about the Power Book. I started to say that the Power that the book is for everybody, but it has a particular dedication and focus on women's empowerment because I am convinced that that is the single most important thing that needs to happen in the world. It's not to put women up on a pedestal is not to idealize women. Women also abuse power. It certainly is not to give women more crap to clean up in those world of ours, this mess that we've made. But it's because as a world, as a species, we've been running so off balance between the masculine and the feminine energies. And by the way, I know that you notice. But for anybody who might be listening, those energies course through all of us. There are costback energies that course through the entire universe. So of course all of us are going to have feminine and energies, and masculine energy is coursing through it. It's but as this world of ours, in the last I don't know, six thousand years of patriarchy, however long its spin, we have turned the feminine into something less than We've turned it into weakness. And wait a minute, how twisted is that? And what a lie that is, and what an instrument of control that is. And so that's why I dedicate that book to women and why to me again it is the most important thing that we need to focus on. Yeah, that's before I do, I have to keep both of the books. I have to go So let me ask you this, because there's some way that you said. About about distinguishing intensity and intimacy, So can you break that down on why so many of us confuse the two and what real health the connection looks like with that with those two words intensity and intimacy. Yeah, we do, you know, we confuse that initial phase of we don't whether it's lust, it's attraction, which is great, right, but we don't that may not necessarily be love, right, that's in some sometimes I think it's a biological trick of nature to ensure the survival of the species. So we confuse that as love. And then when the honeymoon ends, and you know, after maybe three months, maybe six, maybe nine if you're lucky and you haven't moved in together yet, because at some point when you do that and they're going to do the toilet paper in the wrong way, which everybody should know this is the right way, or they're going to squeeze in the toothpaste from the wrong end. That's it, right, And so in the honeymoon phase, like they can we see them through rose colored glasses, those ego boundaries that keep us separate fall they fall away, they dissolve, until that moment whether they do the toilet paper wrong, and then those ego walls come back up, and now we feel separate. Now we feel alone. Now we feel oh my god, where did the love go? And then we go out out of the relationship looking for the one in quote, and we keep repeating those patterns over and over again. And and these are teachings kind of adapted from Scott Peck of his book The Road, The Road Less Travel, this particular part about the honeymoon. He says that when the honeymoon ends is when the work of actual loving begins. So we don't confuse that initial phase of infatuation, of lust, of you know, of collapsed ego boundaries, which is great, right, I'm not making it wrong. Is one of the best phases of being human, one of the best experiences. But it's going to have an end. It's it's not going to be sustainable, and in some ways it's not real, right, It's it's it's a temporary dissolution of that sense of separateness. So when when that when that falls away, is when the work of real loving begins. He's and he calls love not the feeling, right, we confuse that feeling of love with the act of loving, because think about it, we can't always like think about disciplining a child. It's going to run into a busy street with oncoming traffic. No, right, we gotta It doesn't feel good to discipline or totally no, you can't have more sugar, you can't no more sweets, and and but it's an act of love. It's for their good. So, but it doesn't feel good in the moment to do that. So he says that it's that love is when we place ourselves outside of our comfort zone for the sake of the spiritual growth of another person. It's like, whoa, that's deep y, So we place ourselves outside of our comfort zone for the sake of the spiritual growth of another person. And that applies, you know, to interpersonal romantic relationships, or to any kind of relationship or or international relationships. I love that, I do. I love that all right. So guess what we come into the end of the show. So I want you to do me a favorite. I want you to tell me about your newest book. There'll be more what can they find it at? Where can they find you at? In your services? The book is called Conscious Love transforming our relationship to relationships, so transforming how we relate to them, to our relationships, how we approach them, how what we expect to get back from them, so that our relationships have an actual chance of working. And so the book is available on Amazon or you can or if you want to support your local bookstore, you can order it there as well. And in terms of reaching me, the best way is probably my website which is Soulfulpower dot com s o U L f U L P O W e R dot com. And from there, you know, they can email me or they can access my social media from them. Okay, well, thank you Christian. What I'm gonna want you back? I would love to continue, Yeah, I would, because I do. I have a lot of questions here that we didn't even get to. We didn't we did get into into into the juicy sexuality and spiritual No, we did not. So I will definitely have to get you back here. But also I want to give your invitation to Ask Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast as well. That's where I do talk about love, sex, relationship, cultural differences and so much more there and that's a live show that we have there. And so we have a very interactive audience. They either call in or they they we bring them in there, and I think you would be great over there as well. I'd love, yeah, give us some key points there. Well, all right, my beautiful people, again, I want to thank you all so much for just joining us today. And Christian again, thank you for just being with us here today. Your insights, your presence, your work is truly a gift. I cannot read a way to read your book. Actually, give me when you get a chance, email me the list of the books and I will go in and order them. And are some of them on audible too. They're notaudible yet because I want to record it myself and I just haven't taken the time to do that. Okay, so I don't know if this is your note yet. You need to do that. All right, into our listeners. I want you to remember this. I want you to remember that real service begins with love for yourself, love for others, and love for the world. Every act of kindness and every conscious connection as to the ripple of healing in this world. So you all have an amazing and amazing day. I said, yeah, next time. Thank you so much for joining me today. On this journey of intentional healing. I hope that this conversation has filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and worthy person that you are. I want you to remember healing isn't about rushing. It's about showing up for yourself with love and intention, one day at a time. So I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another episode of the Season of Healing Intentionally right here on the Season of Self Love podcast. So until then, keep choosing you and visit us at the Season of Self Love podcast dot com for show notes and resources, and remember to connect with me on Instagram at the real Naomi Banks. This has been brought to you by Aks Naomi and elevate me self discovery because your healing matters. You are loved, you are worthy, and you are exactly where you need to be. Take care