The Freedom of Integration: Where Forgiveness Meets Boundaries" - Freedom Friday

Welcome to the Season and Self Love Podcast. I am your host, Namibanks, and I am thrilled to have you join me on this transformative journey. You see, every day we dive into a powerful conversation about self discovery, healing, and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by ax Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery, where we believe that loving yourself is the first step to live in a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories. Plus were occasionally welcome special guests who. Will share their unique perspectives on self love and personal growth. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's embark on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you are. So let's elevate our lives one episode of time. Now, let's get started, all right, my beautiful people, Welcome to Free to Friday. Here on this season and Cephalo podcast. I am your host. Now we begson. I am so so very grateful that you are tuning in tonight as we wrap up this powerful week of focusing on nurturing relationships. What a journey that we've been on from Monday's deep dive into forgiveness with doctor Will, to Tuesday's exploration of authentic connections, and to Wednesday's conversation about self care relationships with Jimmy Life, and to Yesterday's threshold between forgiveness and boundaries. Well, today we are bringing it all together by talking about the ultimate freedom that comes when we learn to integrate forgiveness and boundaries and our relationship. And this is a topic that deeply is personal to me because it's been one of the most transformative aspects of my own healing journey. I've discovered that true freedom doesn't come from forgiveness alone or boundaries alone. It comes from the wisdom of holding them both together. Well, before we dive in, let's take a quick break. All right, it's your girl, the God has memory. Banks the season of Steff Love Podcast and would be right. Back, ready to transform how you think about love and mental health. This may join host Miaomi Banks and doctor Will Washington and expert guests on Love and Mental Health, a powerful four part series exploring relationships through the lens of mental wellness. Every Thursday at six pm Pacific Standard Time on Ask Naomi bridging the gap. Do you have a story to share your experience matters? Email us at Asknomi at gmail dot com and be part of the conversation that's changing lives. Washington wells into two focuses on healing. Always for me, if I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then hell live the good. So I can be paid to be migrated, but I have to learn the good to be the good. So what does it take to be the greatest? It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be kind to yourself and he'll always. Well. All right, ready to fool people, welcome back. Well, before we get into the topic, let's ground ourselves with a mindful moment. So if you can just find a comfortable position and disclose your eyes, take a deeper affin through your nose, and now excel gently through your mouth. Let's repeat that, and this time when you in helle, I want you to inhale freedom and exhale limitations. Now I want you to imagine yourself standing in an open field, but the sky is above you in a bad. Then it is clear, and in front of you is a gate. And this gate doesn't represent imprisonment. It represents choice. It's a boundary that you've consciously created. I want you to notice how having this gate doesn't confine you, but rather it gives you the freedom to choose, to choose who and what entered your space. Now, I want you to visualize yourself opening this gate to allow and love connection and understanding why mindfully keeping out what doesn't serve your highest good. Feel this profound freedom that comes from this ability to discern, to say yes to what nurtures you and not to what to menish you. I want you to take one more deeper than embracing this sense of freedom that comes from conscious choice. And when you are ready, gently open your eyes, and I want you to carry this awareness with you. All right, my beautiful people, If you are new here to the Season and Suppler podcast is something that we do every day, Monday through Friday, just for a mindful moment, all right, just just to help us to ground ourself before we get into the topic in hand. All right. So today I want to talk about something that has completely transformed my life, and it's the freedom that comes from when we learn to integrate forgiveness and boundaries. For so many years, I felt that freedom meant having no limits, that saying yes to everything and being completely open. But what I discovered in that is that true freedom actually comes from conscious choice, a conscious choice in knowing when to open and when to close, and when to forgive and when to protect. Now, I want try to remember on Monday Day, doctor will share something that really hit me. He said, forgiveness is the foundation of an expression, and he talked about how different people express forgiveness in different ways. You know, we're you know, protecting, I mean forgiving through giving grace. That's one of the things that I said, or showing acceptance, learning the lesson and setting the boundaries. And with that perspective, it completely shift on how one would view forgiveness. It's not just a feeling or a thought, oh a thought. It is how to choose to express our healing and action. And that's where freedom comes in. That's when we understand that forgiveness is an expression rather than just an idea. That we free ourselves from the rigid notions of what forgiveness should look like. We no longer have to choose between forgiving and protecting ourselves when we can do both in our own authentic way. So let me share a personal story to illustrate this. So, as many of you know, I have been on my spiritual journey these past few years and it's transforming not just me but my relationships too. So during this time, I had to learn to forgive myself for all of the years that I abandoned my own needs to care for others. But forgiveness alone wasn't enough. I also had to set clear boundaries with myself about how I use my energy, how I use my time, and how I use my gifts. You see, with this freedom found that I found that isn't from forgiveness alone, but it's also from boundaries. It wasn't from boundaries alone, but it was both of them together. It was me combining them and integrating them both together. So I have forgiven myself for past patterns, and I also created boundaries to prevent myself from repeating them, you see. And with this integration, it has given me the freedom to show up more authentically in all of my relationships. You see. I've seen this. I seen this same principle work in my external relationship too, see with my husband, with my children, with my extended family. So when I've been able to practice forgiveness, both forgiveness too my past hearst and clear boundaries for my future interactions, our connections have deepened in ways that I've never imagined possible. So what exactly is this freedom that comes from integrating forgiveness and boundaries. I think it has several dimensions. First, there's a freedom from resentment, and I spoke a little bit about that yesterday. That's when we truly forgive, and not by excusing the bad behavior, but by releasing the emotional hold on us, that we free ourselves from carrying the weight of past hearts. And as doctor Will said on Monday about forgiveness, allows us to move on and move from or move through and no longer be held by the power in which you were inflicted by. Now that's freedom, not being defined or controlled by what has happened to us. And then second, there's a freedom of repetition. When we say keep clear and loving boundaries, we free ourselves from the cycle of repeating hurt that we no longer have to brace for the same pain over and over again. Instead, we create a new patterns based on mutual respect and understanding. So, as Genie Light has said on Wednesday, she said, carrying ourselves through boundaries actually enables us to show up more fully for others. And the third is there's freedom for binary thinking. For binary thinking, this is what we integrate forgiveness and boundaries, and we free ourselves from the false choice of being a door matched or being closed off. That is where we discover that compassion and strength are in opposite, but they actually compliment each other. They compliment the aspects of our authentic love, both for ourselves and others. And finally, there's a freedom. There's a freedom to create new possibilities. See when we're no longer cut caught in a cycle of hurt and resentment and then repeat it all over again, we have the energy for a clarity and to build relationships based on what could rather be that has been. We can create clarity, the energy to build relationships that based on what could be rather than what has been. We're free to imagine and co create connections that truly nurture everyone involved. This is freedom, isn't it. It's deeply impractical, you see, you see in my day to day interactions and in the long arch of some of my most important relationships. What is amazing is that these integrations of forgiveness and boundaries doesn't just benefit us individually. It creates a ripple effect that transforms that transform entire relationship systems. Remember I told you about my aunt and my daughter on Tuesday, and we talked about the ripple effect yesterday. But I want you to think about this. When one person in a family or friendship group starts practicing this integrated approach, it often inspires others to do the same. So instead of those old patterns of either conflicted avoidance or all out confrontation, people begin to see that there's a third way, one that honors both the connection in the individuality, both the compassion and the dignity. You know, I've witnessed this alone in my own family. So when I began to practice forgiving past herst while clearing, communicating my knees, clearly communicating my knees, some family members were initially resistance. Yeah they were, But then there were some that were like, Okay, I'm on board. It looks good and it feels good just watching you. I want to try it at myself. I want to try it that at myself and see with the ones that were resenting it. They were used to the old pattern, were forgiveness meant letting go and never mentioning it again. But over time what they saw as they saw that this new approach actually created a more safety and authenticity for everyone. Now there are several family members that have adopted similar practices in their own relationship the way that they do it, So how do we actually cultivate this freedom in our own lives? So I'm going to give you some practices that have helped me to integrate some of my forgiveness and boundaries. So first, practicing forgiveness as a personal release rather than a relationship requirement. So when I forgive, I do it primarily for my own freedom, not to create an obligation for a reconciliation. But this is a shift that takes the pressure off both me and that other person. So when creating spaces more authentic connections if and when it's appropriate. And second, to communicate boundaries from a place of self acknowledge, whether than reaction. So instead of me setting boundaries in the heat of emotions, I try to get clear on what I truly need to feel safe and respected. Then I can express those needs for a central place rather than a defensive one. And third, third, I use both in language whether than either. I use both and that language whether than either or See, when discussing difficult situation, I might say I care about our relationship and and I need this boundary to be respected, or I am working on forgiveness and I am not ready for things to go back to where they were. You see, with this language, this is clear, clear, clear conversations. You understand an understanding of what I am requiring from our interaction, that I forgive you. But and this is what you know. And the fourth is practicing self compassion. Throughout this process. We're integrating forgiveness and boundaries. It's very sophisticated, a very sophisticated emotional work. And we won't we won't do it perfectly. We won't do it perfectly and maybe even the first time. And I'm just gonna be honest, it might not even be the right way for you at the time. So when I slip into those old patterns, either forgetting my boundaries or holding on to resentment, I try to meet myself with compassion rather than criticism, and finally, celebrate the freedom that comes from the integration. When I notice myself responding to a situation where both compassion and clarity, both openness and discernment, I take a moment to acknowledge this growth. You see, these moments of integrations are worth celebrating because they represent real freedom for me, the freedom to respond rather than to react, and to choose rather than to be compelled. You know, one of the most beautiful aspects of this freedom is that it's available to all of us, regardless of our circumstances. That we don't need the other person to change for us to experience that freedom of integrating forgiveness and boundaries to our mutual growth is wonderful when it happens. Our freedom isn't dependent on it. I think about some relationships in my life where the other person hasn't been willing or able to respect my boundaries, and in those case I have still found freedom through my forgiveness. Through forgiveness about releasing the resentment for my own sake, while also maintaining listen to this stronger boundaries perhaps including more distance, no access granted, and that's okay. You see, the freedom comes not from controlling the other person. But this is from my own integration of my compassion and wisdom. Now, I want to acknowledge that this integration looks different in different types of relationship. In some cases, especially where there's been significant harm or abuse, boundaries right need to be much much stronger, and forgiveness might be a very private and internal process that is meant it is not meant for reconciliation, and that's okay. But then in other relationships, where the hurts are smaller and there's mutual commitment to growth, the integration might look more like ongoing open dialogue about needs and repairs. But the key there is that there is no one size fit all. There is no one size fit all approach to it. This freedom comes from discerning what integration looks like in each unique relationship and each real relation context that's guided by compassion and wisdom. I write, my beautiful people, as we close this week of nurturing relationships, I want to leave you with a reflection practice that can help you to cultivate this freedom integration. And I want to call both and reflection, both and reflection in it works like this, I want you to find a quiet moment, and I want you to think of a relationship where you're working on forgiveness boundaries of both, and I'm on a piece of paper. I want you to draw a line down the middle, and I want you to create two columns. And the left columns, I want you to write what am I releasing through forgiveness? And in this column, I want you to note that resentiment, expectations, or hurts that you're working on of letting go of all right, that's on the left. Then in the right column, I want you to write this what am I creating through these boundaries in here? I want you to note in that column, I want you to note these needs, values, the needs, the limits. What are the limits that you're clarifying and express expressing? And I want you to try to be as pacific as possible, not just respect, but what respect looks like in that action for you with that person in that individual relationship, because listen, be honest, each relationship is different, and the respect that's needed to be seen in each one of those relationships are different. Now, I want you to look at both of the columns together and I want you to notice how they complement each other. How does what you're releasing make space for what you're creating. How does what you're creating protect the healing that comes from what you're releasing. This is the integration, the both and that creates freedom. Do this reflection regularly, especially when you notice yourself slipping into either all forgiveness and no boundaries or all boundaries and no forgiveness. It helps you to come back to that center point of integration where true freedom resigns. I write, my beautiful people, as we and this week together, I want to remind you that this journey towards integrating forgiveness and boundaries, it is an ongoing process. It's not something that we master once in for all, but a practice that we can return to again and again and again. And that's okay. In fact, it's a part of the freedom Again. We are not striving for perfection, but for authentic presence with ourselves and with others. So next week we re exploring a nurture in a relationship by focusing onto how to rebuild trust after we've been broken. And that's going to be a powerful conversation that builds on everything that we discussed this week about forgiveness, boundaries, and authentic connection. Now, my beautiful people. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might benefit, and don't forget to download our for year rebirthwork book on our website. There's a beautiful section this month of nurturing relationships with general props to help you to reflect and growth. So until Monday, I want you to remember that true freedom comes from not boundless openness or rigid walls, but from the wisdom of knowing, knowing when to forgive and when to protect, and that integration you'll find the space to love both you, yourself and others moreth and again, thank you for joining me this week of the Season and Stuff Love Podcast, and I have an amazing weekend, have. A good one. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering and empowerment here at the Season and Self Love Podcast. Remember, embracing self love is a continuous journey and we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us at review and don't forget to join our community on Facebook at Season and Self Love connect with like minded individuals who are also on their self love journey. Now, if you have any questions or topics that you'd like for us to explore, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at season usseelf Love at gmail dot com and let your voice be heard. So until the next time, take a moment for yourself today and remember you are worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. A go