Mindset Monday: The Inner Critic vs. The Inner Ally - Turning Negativity into Nurturing

Welcome to the Season and Self Love Podcast. I am your host, Miami Banks, and I am thrilled to have you joined me on this transformative journey. You see, every day we dive into a powerful conversation about self discovery, healing and empowerment. This podcast is brought to you by ax Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery what we believe that loving yourself is the first step to living a fulfilling life. You can expect insightful discussions, practical tips, and inspiring stories. Plus we are occasionally welcome special guests who. Will share their unique perspectives on self love and personal park. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage, and let's embark on this journey together. Because it's time to embrace the beautiful person that you are. So let's elevate our lives one episode of time. Now, let's get started, all right for people will welcome back to this season a Stepfaler Podcast. I am y'alls, Namibanks and as always, I am so grateful that you are here taking this time to just pour into yourself. Well, you know, February is all about cultivating self compassion. We call that the art of loving yourself And today's conversation is something that I know that all of us. Need to hear. And that's the battle between the inner critic in the inner ally. How many times have we told ourselves I'm not good enough, I never get it right. You know that little voice with those doubts, that one that criticized that inner critic. But if I told you that we also have an inner ally, you know that voice that encourages us, that nurtures us, that reminds us that we are worthy just as we are. You know the one that say you go girl, you go boy, You got this queen or you got this king. Yeah, Well, today we are diving deep into how to transform all of the negative voices into the supports and uplift us. And I couldn't have this conversation, you know without my brother, my friend, and our resident therapist, doctor Will Washington. And we would definitely bring doctor Will Washington. You know when when we take this cook break, all right, it's your gurty, God, it's not your bank said, oh, this is int stuff of our podcast. We'll be right back. Washington was into two focuses on healing. Always for me, if I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good, then I share the good. If I share the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good, then I live the good. So I can be paid to be my greatest. But I have to learn the good to be the good. So what does it take to be the greatest. It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be kind to yourself, and he'll always. Hey, it's your gurty, got it now? Me banks It makes sure YouTube need have three Thursday. Night Naomi podcast. We'll be talking about. Everything I love, sex, relationship difference is so much by bridging the gap between them all, and we even talk about you need to stop by me and dot com my podcast as well as the BTV group. You have some amazing guests to comfort you never know. Just make sure you tune me Thursday ninety six pm, six percent of time. Go to axnam dot com until the ninety. All right, but welcome back. Hey, hey, doctor. Will, it's so good to be present with you today. I'm president powerful, I. Know that's right, President and powerful. So are you ready for this conversation? I am, And this is a big topic you're doing. Yeah, we have to especially during this time. Yes, we do. But you know, my beautiful before we get into it, I want to take a moment to just get ourselves grounded, to ground ourselves, all right, So, my beautiful people, I think you know how we do it. I went to the police. Close your eyes and get in a comfortable position. All right. Take a deep breath in, filling your body with calmness, and exhale release seeing any self judgment. Now, I want you to imagine a mirror in front of you. And this mirror doesn't just reflect your face, It reflects your thoughts, your words, your beliefs about yourself. What do you see? Is your reflection. Kind, gentle. And understanding or is it harsh, critical. And full of judgment. Now, with every breath in, I want you to imagine washing away the self doubt. And with every breath out, I want you. To invite in self love. Now repeat to yourself, I am worthy, I am enough, and I am learning to be kind to myself. I want you to take one more deep breath in, and when you are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, my beautiful people. If you are new here to the Season and Self Love Podcast, this is something that we do every day Monday through Friday, just to help ground us before we get into our topic in hand. All right, doctor Will, let's get into it. Let's talk about me. This inner critic, this inner critic. What does it even come from? M that's such a beautiful start. It comes from everything that you've come from. And so we don't even let us break down what does it even mean to be a critic? Right? Usually when you think about a critic, you don't even think of your parents even being critics, right, we don't think about that. You think of like a food critic or a movie critic, one that takes a substance a content and media, and then they break it down into how limiting it is, how it missed certain aspects, and it's all based upon usually their opinion or their own cultural expertise on something. And so it's an opinion that's very targeted. Yeah, and so that critic, being your own critic means that you have become your own expert of yourself and you've decided to dismantle your own exist So it's a very targeting behavior to your own self perception. But you have to ask yourself, how did you learn to judge yourself? So I think that's where we should starts like where did you even learn to judge yourself? Or did you learn to break yourself down? Who taught you how to break yourself down? Right? These learned behaviors that were not yours. Yeah, you know the crazy thing is because sometimes we don't realize how much power that's in those voices that speak use. You know again, this is why self love the season and self love was created and so we can break all of those nuanced from others that's. Been put on us. You know, when I when I sit back and I think about parents, I think about our parents. First of all, let's go there and you think about what was talked to them, that language, that attitude that was talked to them. They didn't have anything else but to teach us that, you know, in the wriving for perfection within themselves. So that criticism that they give us is that same criticism that they give to themselves that they don't listen to. So they look at us as little people. They're trying to make that perfect version of them. You understand what I'm saying. When you really sit down and you really think about it, That's why that book, the Four Agreements that I read a few years ago that book, which is so important for me for my connection in my conversation with my daughters, because it made me realize, like, wait, hold on, that same thing that was happening to me unbeknownst to my parents and even loved ones around. I kind of put that on them, and so I have. To change the way that I speak to them to. Help to nurture their own self critic within themselves. Does that make sense? Yes? And I also recognize that even especially in black culture, you know, we have parents that are very harsh, very critical of us, and it's not that they want to be. It's because for their survival and culturally, our survival required us to be that intense or else everybody would be hurt. And so there's a collective responsibility and it would come off as targeting or critical was actually a face of survival. And so, you know, I always think about how parents they was going to give their children what they never had, and it's like, no, don't give your child what you never had. Give your child what they need, right, that's your own shame and guilt that you got that you came from your child is actually their baseline is at the highest of where you ended. Yeah. So it's the perspective shifting is so important, and we have created a lot of damaging beliefs that we have to undo. Yeah, we do, you know just right now, just the. The energy of this world, not just the of this world. It's so disheartening, you know, It's like what we read in the history books. It just feels like it's coming back around, you know. But let me tell you what I did realize out of all of this with my eyes wide open. It's that. Sorry, but. We black folks are very gifted and very powerful people because it's been done so many times to keep us down, even when we built ourselves up from nothing at a deficit. But they study keep telling us that we are not worthy of, not worthy of, And it's like, how dare you say that? And so when we talk about that inner critic and where it was built from, it was built from there too. It was still from there, it was constructed. Yeah, and it's. How do we how do we help God our people from out of that? How do we come from that? Because if they really look at it and really look at themselves. I had this conversation with one of my girlfriends last. Night, if we really look at ourselves and say, whoa, you are shining and you are so bright. You know you could do this shit? You know you? Yes, if we all thought about that and be like, yes we can and did it, like we don't have to do nobody's life for our own life to shine. Mm hm you know what I mean? Yes, And I'm so glad you said that, because let's let's just keep it real. The truth is, I don't want to be anything that you're worthy of because I know what you did, right, I learned my history, I know what you did. I don't want to be anything that you're worthy of. I want to be everything that my people are worth, that have been worthy of. Yeah, and that's and that's the mind shift that that critic was meant to keep us limited and to keep us denied, when we didn't even need to be in that door. We didn't need your schools. We'll be own schools. We didn't need your music. We created our own genres. You had, You created genres for us like we didn't. We didn't. We didn't even need it. We didn'tven call it jazz. You called it that because you didn't know, because you didn't even know what to do with it, right. So so my thing is is that what you didn't understand and what we created with beautiful things we've created out of this. Yeah, you had to compartmentalize and and and deconstruct it, right, just even the modern the advancement of modern science was built off of black women's bodies because you couldn't even figure it out. So my thing is is this, when you recognize the true history, I don't need anything that you have, and it's not my responsible to fix anything that you started. And so learning the responsibility that you have to yourself and to your culture is the first step of undoing that critic that lives so dominantly in around us right now in our society. Yeah, we have silent critic. That's that's that's just over lurking right now, and we can't look at that. That's not the sun. Yeah, that's not the sun. That's not gonna warm us right. Yeah. You know, as I'm sitting here and I'm thinking, I'm like, you know, we have to bring this back around. We have to bring this back around. On going back into our topic of that inner critic, this is where it starts. That is where it has started for a lot of us. And we'll go sa specifically on black people, but let's let's not forget our other counterparts out there. You are, you're a white person, you're a Latino, Asian, or whatever ethnicity that you are. It all comes from somewhere, and it believed me, it was given to you, it was inherited to you. Now that's up to you to figure out who am I, regardless of any of those things outside. Who am I? In that meditation when I say look in the mirror, Look in the mirror, look at yourself, eye to eye contact, eye to eye with yourself, and who are you? You before we. Talk about the values that we choose of who we are, not with somebody else put on you, but who you are? What are those values? What is that core of you? And that's where you start to build that inner critic. But then don't look at that inner critic is always so bad. Don't look at it as a bad always look at as a challenge for you to be a better you. You understand what. I'm saying, and that's you think is that we need to start taking these things that are are unpleasant or bad or whatever and what's that saying? Make lemits into lemonade. Yeah, we can't go back and change anything. But what we do with this, now, what we're gonna do with that person? When we're looking in that mirror to ourselves and we say, man, you ain't worthy of getting this, how do we counter that? How do we counter that? Yes? And I think that we they inner critic is a call to your purpose. There is something that is meant for you to discover within yourself. And if we do not answer that, we deny our own values, which also takes away our passion. You take away your passion, you lose the identity. Because the fight for yourself is meant through passion. You have to be passionate about your identity. You have to be passionate about what you're believe in. You have to be passionate about your values because those are the things that identify. Those are the check marks, the markers on your greatest improvements and exploration of devotion. Yeah, it is. You know, let me tell you something. I knew we were gonna get deep with this. Conversation, but I didn't think we were going to get this deep with this conversation. And the thing is that we have to we have to get deep with it. You know, we talk about the inner critic, but also now we got to realize who the inner ally of us are. And really, in that statement that you just made along it kind of brought the inner ally up front because you talked about the purpose. You talked about, you know, having an understanding what that those words of that inner critic is and understanding who you are. And that's what you have to do. When we talk about self love, I'm not talking about bubble baths and yeah, that's not what I'm talking about. I am truly talking about having that inter intimate relationship with yourself, like you are in love with your self that whatever anybody say outside of this right here, it don't mean nothing. Yes, and and and the truth is that the critic and the ally want the same thing. They want dialogue. Yeah, they want the conversation. Why aren't you having that with them? And why don't you want to? Because you know that once you have that conversation, you can't go back anymore. You can't cycle back. You're gonna break your cycle. And the thing that you're doing right now now only is you're creating cycle breakers. You're supporting the cycle breakers. And there are a lot more cycle breakers in this generation than there ever have been before. There are literally people breaking off into new families, two new paths, to new growth, to new businesses that their family never thought of, never even dreamed of even doing. And it's like, how how do you make this new space? So that critic is definitely alive, but the ally is also telling you to break off and do something different at the same time, Yes, you have to have you have to you gotta you gotta have a launching path. And usually the critic is the is the pad and the ally is the rocket, and you have to launch off. You have to launch. I like how you said it, so you know, let's be real. They can say, Naomi, doctor Will, that's some good ship. Excuse me, y' like you know, but how do we do that? How do we bring that ally into our inner critic? How do we break down habits? M what's the technique for us to do that? Where do we begin? Where do we start? What's the first thing that they do, doctor Will? What can be the if they wanted to do it today? What is the first thing that they. Could do first? Let's let's let's address the first thing three three simple steps. First, address the critic. What does the critic want from you? We gotta listen, So what does the critic want from you? Step two? What does the ally want from you? And then lastly, what do you want to be known for? Because that's going to be your destination and your journey is what is learning? What do you want to be known for? Because if I ask you what do you want to be known for? I'm asking you what do you want to be when you grow up? I'm asking you how you want to make money, how you want to make a business. It's what do you want to be known for? Which means that I'm asking you after all is said and done, you want people to look at you in a certain way. You want to be revered in a certain way, and that create and ally are going to be your keys to figuring that out. So what do you want to be known for? So? What is dialogue? The critic? Was a dialogue from the ally? And what do you want to be known for? If you can hit those three things, you can begin making a routine on what that lifestyle would look like. So if I know that for me, I just told myself that I want to be known for healing all ways if that is my way of doing it. To heal all ways, I have to understand that the critic in me is going to be like, well, you ain't perfect, some wrong stuff. There's people mad at you because of the way you behaved in your relationships, So you're gonna have to take accountability for that. I don't want to do it, but I know that I'm gonna have to do it. The ally on me is like, do you realize how many people you're gonna help if you're strong enough to be there with them in the darkest moments of their life. Do you realize how powerful you are going to be as a man to be with other men, women, LGBTQ, I a plus anybody, and to know that you are literally holding space, that's true, impure. They both want me to be known for being a healer. So I had to make a lifestyle and a routine. That means I gotta wake up early and make sure I have my day before I have anybody else's day. I'm eating the right foods, I'm working out, I'm talking to you, Naomi when I'm not having a good day, and you know, and may get sure that I'm getting checked by you two, because I know you have you give me both so I know that I know that I'm right. I'm around the right people. Right. I wouldn't be in your frequency unless I was aligned. So at this moment in our time, we are aligned because we have a similar purpose. We're here for the people. Yeah. So my thing is, once you learn about that dialogue from the critic in the ally, what do you want to be known for? Those are the first three steps. I love that. I love that. Thank you so much. And just in that moment when you're speaking and you're talking, I just said, thank you God. I truly did. I said, thank you God, Thank you God for just answering my prayer. Thank you God for doctor Will being courageous enough to come back and tap me on my shoulder because you've seen something bigger. I mean, I see it, but you seen something bigger and you were able to remove your pride and your ego out the way unbeknowns to you, you understand what I'm saying. So as you are speaking, before we got on, my prayer was that we can connect and have an intimate conversation, an intimate relationship with ourselves on here so our listeners can have that same intimate conversation with us. Yes, it gives is when we say intimate, excuse my language. It ain't got shit to do with sex. No, this is an emotional connection that we need to have with one another because what that does. That gives us. Empathy and compassion for one another. That gives you to where we are serving one another. But we can't do that if we do not love ourselves. And I'm telling you, I love myself. I love I love all my little quirks. But it wasn't until I met you that I realized. I'm like, yes, I'm loving myself, but what does that do to me? I never got to that part until I started listening to your podcast and listening to your words. I'm like, oh, I'm just throwing it in the chest, but I'm not actually opening the box. We don't talk about that part. And I'm so glad you actually understand and you can articulate that, because that is something that I never got to really get into before until I started talking to you and listening to you. So that's a whole other avenue of self love that I don't think a lot of us even get to no. You know, And and when I say I was a child that always say why why it is? Why is that chair named the chair? My grandfather thought I was off my damn. Rock like girl going swuere, like no, for real? Why is that name that? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? And I remember someone telling me you always asking that why and you always be in that curious cat gonna get you in trump mmm, And it's like no, because there is a deeper there's a deeper reason, in a deep meaning in life or why we put on this earth. It can't just to be making money, having sex, raising keys, That ain't it. It's something, it's so much. Yeah. But even your grandfather, though, the inner critic was, don't ask more questions than you're supposed to. Why would you just follow along and don't be a problem, Just go with what they're telling you? Right, that's an inner critic, right, And then you were the interner ally being like no, like, let's explore this. You have the choice to explore this. So even in that moment, that's that's an example right there. Yeah, yeah, you know. What, So my listeners out there, first of all, I'm gonna say thank y'all for real, Thank you for continuing to just go on, excuse me, on this journey with us here. No, No, As we continue to grow, it's going to morph into something that we truly, truly can't even imagine and what it is. And I want you to look at y'allselves in that manner too, that every day is a new day. Every moment is a new moment in your life. So if you felt like something and the inner critic was in your ear less than five minutes ago, with an inner ally, it is always something for that critic, like that the way, And I love when you say, what does the inner critic want? What does it want? Sit talk to it? Okay, well what you know and then it'll talk to it. And I know your person talking to you. That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to have those intimate conversations with yourself because it allows you to prepare you for talking to somebody outside of you. Yes, so you think that we don't have that, but we need that, but we need we need that talk. And I think that like prayer and meditation are great ways to start learning that inner dialogue because the conversation starts from within now outside of you, and so what's the real conversation you're having within your own psyche. A lot of disorders, illnesses, mental health illnesses that we have are exacerbated by negative talk, right, And what does a negative affirmation words the statements that remove you from your own manifestations? Right? We have those conversations within us before they're even seen and presented. So we have to be more sensitive about what does that conversation look like within? I hear you on that one. I do. I totally hear you on that one. I'm gonna share something with you. There's a young man that reached out to me probably about two years ago from as Naomi, and I remember setting the sessions up with him, and I remember I was like, hmm, this is the one that I had wanted you to talk to when you first came on board. And he's now missing and action. I haven't seen him in quite a while, but I remember sitting at my altar and I remember lighting accountble for him because I asked, God, why didn't you bring him to me? You know, I'm not as equipped to deal with the language in the conversations that that person is happening with themselves, and I remember God allowed me to sit in on a conversation with him and his therapists that I didn't know that I was supposed to be a part of that conversation with them. He was on, we were going, we was having a session, and there I guess he was going through a manic breakdown in that moment. I don't know exactly what was happening. But then you hear the therapist talking to him and he repeated everything back that I've been talking to him to the therapist, and the therapist like, well, yes, that's you know, that's correct, and he said and it was like a battle with him and the therapist, but the therapist was just saying the same thing that I was saying, but he couldn't receive it from him because something in his mind was telling him that that therapist was not on his side. Does that make sense, Yeah. And so that right there, I saw that inner battle that he was having with himself and it was like we both saying the same thing, love, but he couldn't see that it was and it was so it was so disheartening. And that's why I said, I do understand. I do understand that what you mean by we have to be very you know with that because I saw it with my own eyes, so I I do receive that from you. And that is when you do need to truly go see a therapist of someone to talk to that can help you to get through that as well. I remember talking to a lady and she said, you need a therapist, you need a life coach, and you need a community that surrounds you, because those are teams that can help you to be the best person possible that you can. And I think, especially when it comes to the industries of the life coach and the therapist, they need to come together as a common ground, you know what I'm saying, because the life can give you more of a day to day of relatable situation that they've been through that they can help with that to where the therapists can give you a more technical medical form to help you to you know, to do things that even a life not be able to to wear. Life coach is able to do. Something for you that a therapist can't. Do for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I'm so glad you said that because one of my golden rules when I do all my consultations, it's I tell them therapy happens in the session, but healing happens in the application. I say, you know, you know, You're healing is more than sixty minutes on my couch. And unfortunately, even though the quests or the homework I give you is not going to be enough. Even if you take medication, like I'm glad to take your medication for ADHD or OCD, whatever it may be. But if your medication does not have a lifestyle or routine connected to it, it's useless. You're just you're just drugging yourself out. And so it's important to put a lifestyle into the intentions that you have, and life coaches have the ability to make your lifestyle applicable and tangible. That's their goals is to help you actively commit to the hurdles that you are crossing over. And so my job is to help reorient that and to allow that that that's a hurdle or a bump to no longer look like a mountain, and so you can feel seen in that process, you know. And so it's really important to have you know, like constituents and you know, and just have connection to other professionals. I have my own I have a life coach. I have a spiritual director, I have an Naomi I have you know, I have mine. You know, I have my music musical gurus that I follow. And I'm not doing this success alone. Yeah, nobody's nobody that you look up to is doing something alone. Trust me on that. No, so let me take some doctor. Will he know he's my therapist. I didn't know that. I just got no flavor. I love it, you know he is my but he not be on that couch. No. I was like, I was like, when was that couch looking like over there? But no, it all seriously, when it does come to that, it's all about us truly serving one another, even to having like I've taken some things from I borrowed some things from you and not only applied in my life, but also applied in some of my teachings as well, you know, because it's like, well I didn't think about that, Like, okay, that's I love that because it heightens me in me loving on myself but also through my healing process. And let me say this, I had a conversation with my good girlfriend last night and a lot of people get confused with that there's a destination for heal, we all be our healed. That is not true. And let me tell you why it's not true. It's because you have lived through it all through your life, and so there will be mirror imaging of people that have triggered you, advoiced by vision, by sound or something. What we do here with your therapists do is that they give you tools to be able to manage and handle and get through those triggering moments. M you know. And so when you say always healing, we are we are forever healing. Until we go and we are buried in this earth. Does that make sense? Yes? Yes, And I think that we be talking about like, oh, you know, watch the seeds that you sow, you know, be careful, And I go, what was your intention with the seed in the beginning? If you ask yourself before any relationship, you go, Okay, this is a seed. What do I want this to grow into? If you can't ask, if you can't answer that question before you you probably need to stay away. Yes, that's that's that's that's prevention. That's preventative care, right, that's preventative care. That's discipline, that's discernment. That's hitting all three. And I think when you look at everybody as seeds. It's amazing how sensitive you become to your actions and your intentions, because if not, they'll become mers. Yeah, that is a good analogy. Look at everybody everyone as a seed. That is such a great analogy. Oh my god, I'm a bar. You got it. You had a book about it. You had a book about it. Just let me write the forward. Let me write it changes everything. Because I look at it, I'm like, oh oh, Because then I'm like, if I would have saw this as a seed, I would have approached this differently, or I would have waited longer, or I would have resourced myself more before I planted that. Yeah, I would have done a lot more before I would have. You know, now I start, I'm trying to be more sensitive about it. Now, it's it's changing my entire conversations with people. It's changing me. Well I do. I love that? So as you when you say, and I have to go back to my because the conversation that I had last night with Mata Michael girlfriends that came over. We did a catch up, you know, and she's a young lady that's been in the industry and she's retired as well. And she she's a very talented spiritual healer. You know, she's a future and she does her thing. And we were talking about a mutual friend of ours that is going through something. And when somebody's going through something, they want to bring everybody to Naomi. That's not my that's that's not my No, that's that's not that's not my assignment. You know. And I am big on God handed me somebody personally as an assignment. And I understand and I know right off when having a conversation with this person if I am not equipped for that person or where they at at this moment and at this time. But people tend to want to know, oh, Naomi because you get m My language is not everyone's language. Yeah. Yes, I'm bilingual, but you have to be bilingual too. And what I learned this morning is that she is my assignment. Wow. And when I think about the conversations that. We had, I'm like, okay, okay. Okay, Yeah, what's the seed? What's the seed for me? For her? For us? Are you trying to grow? I'm well, I'm going to grow. What's going to grow within are her eye relationship? Is that the trust and the loyalty of one another to know that we can truly lean on each other and help others grow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then so and so once you build that trust, that that lean what's being harvested. So when you both walk away, what are you living with? And whether is she living with? What are you hoping when we leave from each other that we can be a ripple and a dominant effect on others. That's within the adult industry and outside the adult industry. Yeah, that they know they have a potential to go through their healing process, and their healing process has led letters to it and there is a higher onsalam of level of healing, and we want everybody to be here, you know what, So they can recognize, they. Can feel it a trigger coming on already. But when that language come back, they're not going to hurt somebody from that. You understand what I'm saying. So let's let's try to help when the healing process of those hurt people hurting people. Let's help them change their language, Let's help them change their perspective, Let's help them not hit back. You understand said, listen, what's that thing turn the other cheek? Mmmm? Yeah, yes, but I just I just had a whole post about this. I said, yes, hurt people hurt people, but heal people help people. Yes, and when we learn that even in I'm not perfect, but I am capable of helping. Yeah, And that is one of the best ways to see yourself. And also that helps also heals your inner critic and your ally you actually help other people. We don't talk about that part, Like it's like we think that when when we're healing. It's like I gotta be alone on my island in my cave alone, Like, you didn't get hurt alone, so I would Why would you? Why would you? Why would you get healed? Why would you not want to heal together with somebody? Right? Like, why would you want to heal alone? You know you're not people Like I'm protecting my peace. I'm not going to be by anybody. It's like, no, that means you're afraid of what it's going to mean when you actually see yourself and how hurt you really are, which is that that's my whole pioneering of all the work I'm doing is all about secondary healing. If I can see you doing your healing, that's going to actually make me question my healing. Yeah, now that it's that ripple effect that you're talking about, it's creating a secondary healing. Yeah, you may have worked with one bro, you had one assignment, but you affected thirty five other people because of that. You just you just helped thirty six people and didn't even realize it. That's how powerful you are. Yeah, it's funny. I get these these horrible emails, horrible emails, and it triggered me last week. That's why tomorrow's show is going to be based on that. From the song that I've it's going to be Whitney Houston, I don't know my own strength and Yolanda Adams. I am ready those two songs we're gonna break down. So but it came from that, and I don't want to share the whole story, but I was triggered in that moment, and my inner critic got to me. But then my inner ally came in. Like boom, do you know who you are? Right? And then I said, and I laughed. I laughed about the whole thing because in that moment, I knew that you have to speak this, and you have to say that cano that a lot of people are going through that very thing. That you just went through m. And mental health. When you go through trauma, what it does is it isolates you. It makes you think that you're the only person going through something. And then when you go to therapy, you realize that you're not the only person. When you go into group therapy, which I highly recommend, you hear everybody else's story and you're like, wait, so I'm not the only one having a chaotic life right now. No, you're you're stuffering like everybody else in line. Yeah, now what's your story? Yeah? And ya see me with the alas ye with the hair, You see me with the makeup on, You see me like you got. You you going itself? Like, But I tell y'all all day, man, it's something that trigger. I honored those moments because those are lessons for me to learn in that trigger moment. And that's what I'm embracing those trigger moments. But also what I'm doing is I'm sharing the moments with you all to know that, look we are in I got y'all back. As long as God gives me breath to breathe, I got y'all back, period period. Yes, And I'm gonna bring whoever loan there's aligned with us. To come along. There's a line, there's a line. That come along. But yes, just in that moment, just thinking about that, that's why I said that I was outside this year. I was coming outside this year because when you talked about healing and kind of like I want my piece, I did that for about a good month. I did do that for a good month. But I truly believe I needed to do that just for my sanity m hm, because I do come from a place I want to help everyone at the deferments of myself. Yeah. Yeah, that's a discipline. That's that's really big. That is so big, and I'm so glad you acknowledge that, and you also admit that because that lets me know how powerful you are and how powerful are you willing to be for yourself? Yeah? Right, And you do need that, You do need that space like it's okay to have space, right, And a lot of times we don't know what space means to us until we're forced to have it, yeah, or someone puts us in a position where we have to do it, because we would have been emotionally drained from that. And I call it being emotionally sober, right, because sometimes we get emotionally drunk. We just feel fel feel feel, feel, whereas we're so full, it's like, no, you gotta get emotionally sober. Got detoxed for a little bit, just just saturated. Yeah, yeah, you know, I just had a question that popped up in my in my head, and I'm looking for the question right now. Wow, it's just it's it's left, it's just it. And I was like, okay, I'm gona asking this question and it's gone. Now, Oh my god. And it had to do with inner critic and inner ally. It was about the nurturing aspect. H mm hmmmm. Where did you remember? You remember? In your head? Your heart or your spirit? I want to stay in my head because it wasn't in my heart. It was. That means that you need to start speaking more about your view on it and then it will come back. Mm hmm. You didn't finish one of your thoughts. Yeah, mm hmm, all right, mm hmmm mmm mmmm. Now I'm kind of irritating. You got talking. You gotta talk about you gotta talk about the inner critic and the inner ally and it'll come up. And it was it was it was with the inner critic in the inner ally, it was that and wow, And I know what I'm doing right now right now, I'm trying to go directly to that that I'm that I'm talking about, so I can't concentrate. And let me tell you something, this is happening in real time right now, like literally happen in real time. I am trying to find what the hell that I was thinking and not on the I can't even concentrate on the conversation anymore. Does that make sense? Because I'm so trying to get this what I missed in my head in the beginning, and and it's driving me crazy, and it's crazy. I have a question for you, Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. I'm curious about what does the critic, how does the how does the critic envy ally the ally? And how does the ally envy the critic. For the How does the critic how does the critic mbia? That's a good question. How does the critic nb the ally? What I see, what I feel is that with the ally, it's because it feels like the critic has a better relationship with that person than the ally does, because that person reacts more with the critic than the ally. Does, and then for the critic, for the ally, it's because the ally gives a sense of happiness and peace that the critic can't get. That's my answer. I love how relational that sounds. So that's so relational. You're so relationally focused. That's so good. That's great. That's so relational. That's so muchy. That's great. Like I see it as like a couple of couples therapy sessions. That was a good ass question, doctor answer. That was great. Yeah, that was so relational because. You have to you we do. We have to have a relationship with ourself for us to have anything dood with anybody out there in the world. And so what I sit and I think about it's like I've had a lot of work that in the work that I did with myself, And when I think about it, I think about the times when I used to be in my car driving the work. I used to have our long drive to our long conversations with God, praying, talking, and that just prepared me for here, you know what I'm saying, just prepare me for this moment. And I didn't even know it. I didn't even know it, doctor will And it was like, yes, I am things that I've been through. I cannot get it out of a book. Right now. I'm taking a new course right now and it's so amazing. But then this thing is like, na, this is want to have happened like this. It's because I'm taking it from that is book form, that is educational wise. I've lived that through my experience in life, and that can't you can't take that away from it. You've already colored your book. You are color your color and book. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And with this other certification and I get this a lot. Why do you think you need more certification? I just need to put the dot on the I and cross the T and put the explanation on the end of it. Period. MM. So I can frame it all up. And I'm not talking about the degree. I'm talking about frame up my picture, my image of self who I am, and it can. Sit up on that wildlife yes, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I love that because the truth is that you're always gonna be evolving. You're always going to be changing. Your mindset's going to be changing. You keep you keep raising your frequency, You're gonna be other like minds that are waiting for you, right and then there's people that you're going, you're waiting for to And so I think a lot of times we don't consider what does investment look like and change? Yeah, we always think about reciprocity, but we never think about investment. And like, people talk about reciprocity so much because they want to they want back what they're putting out. I'm like, what if you're supposed to get something better? Yeah, that's why you're not happy. Yeah mm hmmmm hmmm. Because reciprocity wasn't actually good because what you put out was not really meant you to get back. Is actually an investment, not recurprised that you were looking for. I like that. I like that. I like that. So I guess now after this, after this show, my listeners, I would want you to have that different conversation with yourself. Go back to what doctor Will said, Ask that inner critic what you want from me. Let's sit down, let's. Look in that mirror, Let's have that conversation. Then have it with your inner life and say, how can we all how can we do this dance together? How can all three of us collectively collectively make this a success story within ourselves? How can we do that we need one another. We do. We need one another. We need one another to want to keep us home. Humility, empathy, compassion, strength, success, elevation, we need them both. Determination, we need them both. We need them both. Mm hmm. I think that's the beginning, or I call it an old new beginning. That is why this year is the rebirth. There we go. Putting them gredients. There, that's it. That's it. We got a nice little tasty dish on this mindset, my dad. It was good. It was I really reset it, reset me, it reset me. I'm about to be great this week. I'm about to be great this week. I'm not thinking about my seeds, the inner, the investment. I'm gonna be thinking about all this all week. Yeah. This was truly good for the soul. Oh my god, this was good. This This was some good. This was a good meal. We it was. I'm gonna think about all the seeds this week. I'm just like I want this. I was like, I was like, I want nothing to grow out of this one. I'm want to change my life though. This is so real. God, this is amazing. Let me tell you something. So I got a whole list script over here with questions I asked, not one of those questions. Oh my god, what I'm talking about? It just happened, and I have to People are like, why you shared that? Because I have to. That is who I am. I'm gonna keep it to you real raw and that is what it means. And you have to because you have to see what the authenticity. You have to see in real time. What alignment looks like. You have to see in real time, what that looks like, what those conversations are looking like. Just like, I lost the question that I had for Doctor Will. That question probably. Wasn't even meant to be. And then you just did a fire response to my question. So so I ain't eve gonna worry about what that question. I'm not gonna even gonna worry about it, all right, Doctor Will. As always, as always, thank you for your wisdom. So good to be here. It's so good to be here. Yeah, it's good. Do you have any last words or unless you got anything coming up that you want to share with anybody? If not, no, I was like, I have a lot of stuff coming up, but I don't even know when it's coming up, but it's coming. But I'm gonna say be kind to yourself and he'll always a l L. He'll always yes beautiful and family. In today's episode, it spoke to you. I know it did. I know it did because it's still speaking to me now. How seriously, I've learned a lot of things. I love the analogy about the seeds. I love the analogy about the seeds. Now, guys, remember that we we got the workbook the year of the rebirth Workbook, and in our session we have podcast connection and for me and I ain't even tell yet, this is probably one of my favorite episodes right now. So if you got your work book with you at this moment in a time, I advise you to write this one in here the inner ally, the inner critic versus the inner ally with that one with the self criticism, and use those three things that doctor Will talked about. I love those three things as well as about the seeds. It was so many things that was taken from here from this conversation that truly can go on that bang. So I challenge you all to. Do that now, all right, I write, my beautiful. People, So until tomorrow, I want y'all to keep you loving y'allself and just truly be good to yourself, have an amazing day. Thank you for joining us on this journey of discovering and empowerment here at the Season and Self Love Podcast. Remember, embracing self love is a continuous journey, and we're so glad to have you with us. So if you enjoy today's episode, please leave us a review and don't forget to join our community on Facebook at Season and Self Love connect with like minded individuals who are also on their self love journey. Now, if you have any questions or topics that you'd like for us to explore, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at seasonousseelf Love at gmail dot com and let your voice be heard. So until next time, take a moment for yourself today and remember you are worthy of love, joy, and all the beautiful things that life has to offer. A