Healing Trauma Caused by Betrayal

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Season of Self Love, your daily dose of inspiration and encouragement.

[00:00:05] I'm your host Nyomi Banks and I am thrilled to be here with you today.

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[00:00:44] together we explore practical tips and insightful interviews and transformative stories that

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[00:01:03] the limitless potential within yourself.

[00:01:06] Hey my beautiful souls and welcome back to the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:01:10] I'm your host Nyomi Banks and we are here today to guide you through another

[00:01:14] TV personal transforming journey as part of our ongoing series Healing Beyond Betrayal.

[00:01:21] You see this month we are diving into the painful yet enlightening world of healing trauma caused

[00:01:26] by betrayal and today it's just you and me as we explore the depths of betrayal in the

[00:01:33] past of healing.

[00:01:35] So before we start this journey let's take a quick break and then when we return we're

[00:01:39] going to get into the journey alright.

[00:01:42] It's your girl Nyomi Banks here on the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:01:45] I will be right back.

[00:01:47] Are you ready to transform your pain into power?

[00:01:50] Join us this September for the 30 day Healing Beyond Betrayal Challenge from Her to Hope.

[00:01:56] Starting September 1st embark on a journey of healing and self discovery.

[00:02:02] Each day you'll receive empowering lessons, practical exercises and supportive community

[00:02:08] connections designed to help you overcome the hurt of betrayal and reclaim your joy.

[00:02:13] Don't let betrayal define your story.

[00:02:15] It's time to rise, heal and rebuild a brighter future.

[00:02:20] Sign up today at the season of SelfLovePodcast.com.

[00:02:54] We have some amazing guests that come through.

[00:02:56] You never know.

[00:02:57] Just make sure you tune in Thursday night, 6 p.m. Pacific standard time.

[00:03:00] Go to axtniamy.com and tell them Nyomi Banks.

[00:03:05] Welcome back to the Season of Self Love podcast.

[00:03:08] I'm your host Nyomi Banks and this month is all about healing beyond betrayal and

[00:03:12] today today we're talking about healing trauma healing trauma caused by betrayal.

[00:03:20] Betrayal, right?

[00:03:24] Again, every day we're going to start by when we're talking about these topics,

[00:03:28] we're going to talk about understanding betrayal, right?

[00:03:31] But before we do that, let's go into a nice guided meditation just to center us,

[00:03:38] center us before we get into the topic of hand.

[00:03:41] Look, I got a little tired there.

[00:03:43] All right, so let's take a moment.

[00:03:45] All right, I want you to find a comfortable position.

[00:03:50] Close your eyes.

[00:03:53] I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose, deep inhale.

[00:04:01] I want you to hold it for a moment.

[00:04:04] In your head, I want you to count four, open your breath.

[00:04:09] And in that moment, I want you just to realize all the pain that you've been feeling.

[00:04:14] Now I want you to exhale that pain out through your mouth.

[00:04:22] Now I want you to take another moment and I want you to inhale again through your nose.

[00:04:28] I want you to feel your chest to well arise.

[00:04:34] And I want you to hold it again for another four seconds.

[00:04:43] And again, I want you to exhale all the pain, all the tension, all the resentment.

[00:04:51] I want you to release that out.

[00:04:54] Now I want you to do one more deep breath in.

[00:04:58] And when you're deep breath in, that deep breath in,

[00:05:01] I want you to bring all the positivity and all the light

[00:05:03] and all the lessons that have been learned from this betrayal.

[00:05:07] Now I want you to hold it for four seconds.

[00:05:09] One, three.

[00:05:16] Now I want you to release through your mouth slowly.

[00:05:20] And I want you to release all of it.

[00:05:23] All of that toxicity.

[00:05:25] All of that, all of that betrayal, all of that resentment.

[00:05:30] Now I want you to roll your shoulders back.

[00:05:35] Yes, I want you to tilt your head to the right, to the left.

[00:05:44] Put your arms in front, make them a little bit.

[00:05:49] Yes, now I want you to gently open your eyes and come back.

[00:05:56] Ooh, that's a little different, huh?

[00:06:00] That's a little different.

[00:06:01] Yeah, I had to take you out back to the beginning.

[00:06:03] In the beginning we were doing stretches and all that stuff

[00:06:06] doing meditation.

[00:06:08] But if you're new here to the Season of Seppla podcast,

[00:06:11] this is something that we do every day, Monday through Friday.

[00:06:15] It's to help to center ourselves and relax ourselves

[00:06:17] before we get into the topic of hand.

[00:06:20] And today we're talking about the healing trauma caused

[00:06:23] by the trail again this month.

[00:06:25] It's all about healing beyond the trail.

[00:06:28] Now I do, we have this series where we have amazing guest

[00:06:32] that's coming in as well as our resident therapist,

[00:06:35] Dr. Will.

[00:06:36] But also we have a 30 day hurt to hope healing beyond the

[00:06:42] challenge that every day there is a prompt,

[00:06:44] every day there is an exercise that helps you to get

[00:06:47] through your betrayal.

[00:06:49] And even though we're probably on day five or day six,

[00:06:52] one of them, you can still start from day one today

[00:06:56] if you pick it up today.

[00:06:57] No matter when you're listening to this, you can start.

[00:07:00] You can start it over and over again as much as you feel

[00:07:03] that's best for you as well as my evil.

[00:07:07] Healing beyond the trail again is a journey,

[00:07:11] a journey of growth empowerment and renewal.

[00:07:15] Yes it is.

[00:07:16] Let's start talking about this topic right here.

[00:07:19] Understanding betrayal.

[00:07:20] I know that we speak about understanding betrayal every day

[00:07:22] and we're going to continue it until you understand what

[00:07:26] betrayal is to you.

[00:07:29] Betrayal is a word that is often brings a flood of what

[00:07:31] emotions, anger, sadness, confusion.

[00:07:36] It could come from anywhere, a partner, a friend,

[00:07:39] even a family member.

[00:07:41] You see each act cuts deeply, affecting our ability

[00:07:45] to trust and love.

[00:07:47] And honestly it affects us in different ways depending on

[00:07:50] where the betrayal comes from.

[00:07:53] Earlier this week I shared a personal story and I'm going

[00:07:56] to share another one.

[00:07:58] A few years ago I experienced a betrayal that shook my foundation.

[00:08:03] We are close friends shared something I told them in

[00:08:06] confidence.

[00:08:08] It was a harsh lesson in trust, but it also opened my

[00:08:12] eyes to the emotional trauma and betrayal that it can

[00:08:16] cause.

[00:08:18] It is a trauma that is not just emotional, it is deep

[00:08:22] and it is real.

[00:08:23] And it can linger.

[00:08:25] And it can affect on how we interact with others and how

[00:08:29] we view relationships.

[00:08:30] And I remember the specific, the way that I felt from

[00:08:34] the betrayal.

[00:08:37] And let me tell you this.

[00:08:40] I'm still in connection with this person.

[00:08:43] I am still very much a dear friend to her as I know

[00:08:47] that she is to me.

[00:08:49] I understood the process of what she was going through.

[00:08:52] I understand what she was at in that moment.

[00:08:54] I remember after I felt that certain betrayal from her,

[00:08:58] I remember speaking about it right then and there.

[00:09:01] I didn't let it fester into me.

[00:09:03] We're not that long.

[00:09:04] I didn't say anything that day that it happened,

[00:09:08] but I think like the next day, yeah,

[00:09:10] I think it's the next day or the next day after when

[00:09:13] her and I was alone.

[00:09:15] And I spoke to her about it.

[00:09:17] And she was very open to receiving that.

[00:09:20] And that's why I knew that what was going on that weekend,

[00:09:28] that that was a person or a space that she really wasn't

[00:09:32] comfortable with.

[00:09:33] I knew what she was going through because we had just had

[00:09:35] a conversation earlier that week.

[00:09:37] So even within that betrayal that was happening for me,

[00:09:41] that she did to me,

[00:09:43] I knew at that moment that it wasn't about me,

[00:09:45] but I knew that I had to disconnect from myself in that

[00:09:49] period of time.

[00:09:50] I think earlier this week,

[00:09:52] I spoke about another situation or issue that someone had

[00:09:56] betrayed me and I cut them off and blocked them,

[00:10:00] crossed them, did all of that because I didn't allow

[00:10:04] myself, I was more mad at myself than anything.

[00:10:08] I felt like that was a betrayal to myself that I did

[00:10:11] because I saw all the signs from that person.

[00:10:14] Not that that person was a bad person,

[00:10:17] but that they knew by looking at this person that they

[00:10:21] wasn't in a part of a healing process at that time.

[00:10:26] They were going through turmoil of their self.

[00:10:29] So instead of me looking at that and understanding that

[00:10:32] what they were doing in that moment,

[00:10:35] it wasn't about me.

[00:10:38] I was just the person standing in their way to either

[00:10:41] make a decision or to make a decision.

[00:10:41] I was the person that triggered their emotion,

[00:10:44] reminded them of who they are or who they wanted to be

[00:10:48] or how they wanted to feel.

[00:10:53] I don't know.

[00:10:54] That wasn't my business even though you said,

[00:10:57] what they made it your business because they did that

[00:10:59] again, again.

[00:11:01] Now if you hadn't listened to the show that I earlier

[00:11:05] this week, it was called finding forgiveness.

[00:11:09] That show.

[00:11:10] That is what is on finding forgiveness.

[00:11:14] Is that show where I shared that story,

[00:11:17] but I knew through the process of everything that

[00:11:20] someone did to me.

[00:11:22] The sense of betrayal that I felt from them.

[00:11:26] I had to learn to forgive.

[00:11:30] And it wasn't easy.

[00:11:31] And remember what I said earlier just a few minutes ago

[00:11:34] about depending on what the betrayal is

[00:11:38] and who is from in the death of the betrayal.

[00:11:42] So this friend,

[00:11:45] this friend right here, it was,

[00:11:50] let me tell you this.

[00:11:52] And this is one of the things that I came to understand,

[00:11:55] especially through my healing process.

[00:11:57] I've always thought that I was an exception to the rules.

[00:12:01] What do you mean Naomi?

[00:12:04] I always thought that I was an exception to the rule.

[00:12:08] Meaning that when loved ones and friends tell me something

[00:12:13] about somebody else that they don't like or that they have

[00:12:15] done something to,

[00:12:17] I thought because they were sharing that information with

[00:12:20] me that they would not dare do that to me.

[00:12:25] That's what I thought.

[00:12:28] I was a piece of art.

[00:12:28] I thought like, no, they ain't gonna do it to me because

[00:12:30] they telling me what they already doing.

[00:12:32] So I know they ain't gonna do it to me.

[00:12:35] But guess what?

[00:12:38] No.

[00:12:41] No.

[00:12:42] To laugh about it now because you already know,

[00:12:47] you know how to say if you,

[00:12:49] if someone is talking to you about somebody,

[00:12:52] know that they are talking about you to someone else.

[00:12:55] Oh, I believe that is so true right now.

[00:12:57] But before, now I thought I was an exception to the rule

[00:13:00] because remember, I was there after.

[00:13:03] I was there. Everybody can talk to me and they tell me

[00:13:05] about their business.

[00:13:06] You know, I'm helping everybody.

[00:13:09] But look at her, you know, Steve, they talk about

[00:13:10] your house too.

[00:13:11] And I didn't know that.

[00:13:13] I really didn't.

[00:13:15] I don't know if that's called,

[00:13:16] I don't even know.

[00:13:17] I'm gonna have to talk to Dr. Will.

[00:13:18] We're gonna bring this up in another conversation

[00:13:20] and I'm gonna ask him.

[00:13:22] Look, I thought,

[00:13:23] and I want to see what he said about me.

[00:13:25] What he diagnosed me with.

[00:13:27] But for real, like I was,

[00:13:29] I really thought that I was an exception to the rule.

[00:13:33] And I'm not.

[00:13:35] I'm not.

[00:13:37] But what my exception to the rule can be for me is

[00:13:43] understanding a different perspective,

[00:13:46] not for them, but for myself.

[00:13:48] Meaning that how I allow

[00:13:53] that betrayal to affect me

[00:13:56] in my peace and how I move forward.

[00:14:00] Does that make sense?

[00:14:03] Yes.

[00:14:08] Again,

[00:14:10] what her and I went through,

[00:14:12] it was a little,

[00:14:13] it was more shocking to me because I'm like,

[00:14:15] girl,

[00:14:16] now for years you don't heard this girl talk about everybody.

[00:14:19] You saw her

[00:14:21] and you saw her talk about everybody.

[00:14:21] I'm not gonna be that way to other people

[00:14:22] and come back and say,

[00:14:23] so why don't you think she wasn't doing that to you?

[00:14:28] But see the difference is that

[00:14:32] when I heard it,

[00:14:33] I went straight to her.

[00:14:34] I didn't go to nobody else.

[00:14:36] So that's how when people know,

[00:14:38] well, Naomi,

[00:14:40] I ain't go talk about nobody behind your back

[00:14:42] because what I said to you

[00:14:43] know that I said to somebody else.

[00:14:46] So they ain't gonna ever say what she said

[00:14:48] because you were like, oh yeah,

[00:14:49] she already told me that.

[00:14:54] I'm not talking about nobody behind their back.

[00:15:00] If anything,

[00:15:01] I will use your story as an example

[00:15:04] and if they don't know you personally,

[00:15:06] you got a facetious name.

[00:15:10] But if they know you personally,

[00:15:12] yes, it'll be factual.

[00:15:15] But it would be a learning tool

[00:15:16] that I've already spoken to you about.

[00:15:21] And if it's real deep

[00:15:22] and you don't want me to share with nobody,

[00:15:23] I won't.

[00:15:25] I won't.

[00:15:25] I will keep secrets.

[00:15:29] But if you ain't actually,

[00:15:30] I'm just being honest.

[00:15:33] I would say something.

[00:15:35] But most of the time it's just like,

[00:15:37] well, I don't want nobody,

[00:15:38] no, no, then it stays between you

[00:15:39] and I always.

[00:15:41] It won't be shared

[00:15:44] unless I talk and say,

[00:15:45] you know,

[00:15:45] can I share this with somebody?

[00:15:47] Well, if it's the lonely,

[00:15:48] but if you ask me,

[00:15:49] I don't say nothing.

[00:15:50] I don't say nothing.

[00:15:52] But that was a part of that betrayal.

[00:15:56] And I just take a break from it

[00:15:58] and I went straight to it,

[00:16:00] acknowledge it.

[00:16:02] I was hurt for a minute,

[00:16:03] but not more from her.

[00:16:04] I was hurt from myself

[00:16:06] because I thought that I was the exception

[00:16:08] to the rule.

[00:16:09] And so it allowed me

[00:16:12] to heal quickly.

[00:16:15] It allowed me to heal quickly

[00:16:17] and to the thing is,

[00:16:20] let me be honest.

[00:16:21] I had already been going through

[00:16:23] my healing process.

[00:16:24] I was deep down,

[00:16:26] deep into my spiritual healing,

[00:16:28] my mental emotional healing.

[00:16:30] I was deep in it.

[00:16:32] When I mean deep in it,

[00:16:33] I was meditating,

[00:16:35] doing all of those things.

[00:16:37] So I kind of knew

[00:16:39] that it wasn't about me,

[00:16:43] that it was more about her.

[00:16:46] And so for me,

[00:16:47] that healing of that trauma,

[00:16:49] of that betrayal,

[00:16:53] one, it allowed me to say,

[00:16:54] okay, I am not accepted.

[00:16:57] I am not an exception to that rule.

[00:17:00] Two, oh, this what it means

[00:17:03] when they say in four agreements,

[00:17:05] don't take it personal.

[00:17:06] It's not about you

[00:17:09] because I've already saw

[00:17:12] how she was moving

[00:17:13] in what she was doing.

[00:17:16] But she also did.

[00:17:18] So even in that change,

[00:17:19] that exchange that we had

[00:17:21] after she did what she did,

[00:17:22] and I spoke to her,

[00:17:24] I didn't come to her mean

[00:17:25] and evil with it.

[00:17:26] I led that conversation

[00:17:28] in love

[00:17:30] because I knew what type

[00:17:32] of woman that she was

[00:17:33] and I knew that she was

[00:17:35] a phenomenal woman

[00:17:37] just going through

[00:17:38] some fucked up shit.

[00:17:41] And see, a lot of times,

[00:17:42] a person could be phenomenal

[00:17:44] and I'm going off the script right now.

[00:17:46] Sometimes a person could be

[00:17:47] a phenomenal person.

[00:17:50] And just in that moment

[00:17:52] or that season

[00:17:52] could be going through some fucked up shit

[00:17:58] that calls them to act a certain way.

[00:18:02] They could have been a

[00:18:03] went through some betrayal

[00:18:04] on the other side of things

[00:18:06] and not knowing how to deal with it.

[00:18:09] And so they go to the next person

[00:18:11] who they think maybe they're healed

[00:18:13] or whatever.

[00:18:15] And so I'm just going to spew that on them.

[00:18:17] I don't know if you heard

[00:18:21] the show on Monday with Dr. Will

[00:18:24] and we were talking about understanding

[00:18:26] the mental aspect of betrayal

[00:18:29] where Dr. Will talked about

[00:18:30] when you go through a betrayal

[00:18:33] aspect and many times

[00:18:34] that you kind of do something different

[00:18:36] than what you as a person would do.

[00:18:41] Remember, I shared the story

[00:18:42] about my first husband

[00:18:45] cheating on me

[00:18:46] but instead of me leaving the process

[00:18:50] this was going to take the time.

[00:18:53] And I think it's too wrong,

[00:18:55] didn't make a right.

[00:18:57] That's never cheap.

[00:19:00] But let me say this.

[00:19:01] I'm not blaming this man

[00:19:02] for the choices that I made

[00:19:04] but I understood what Dr. Will said

[00:19:06] is that when you do go through betrayal

[00:19:08] you start to do things

[00:19:10] that are not aligned with yourself

[00:19:14] because now you don't even trust yourself.

[00:19:17] You don't even trust your judgment

[00:19:19] or what you're doing

[00:19:21] because you think how did I get into this situation?

[00:19:27] Y'all understand what I'm saying?

[00:19:31] So in that, yeah.

[00:19:38] So y'all know me.

[00:19:39] I can keep going on and on and on with the story.

[00:19:41] We'd be here for two hours

[00:19:44] but with this series

[00:19:46] I love it.

[00:19:47] I do.

[00:19:48] Like I said we have so many things that are going on

[00:19:50] with this series that's combined with this.

[00:19:52] And I talked earlier

[00:19:54] in the top of the show

[00:19:56] about our 30-day challenge

[00:20:00] and I want to speak a little bit about it right now

[00:20:03] because today is day five of the challenge

[00:20:06] and if you are listening to it in real time

[00:20:10] it's a 30-day challenge

[00:20:11] that we have started on September 1st.

[00:20:14] And if you are listening after September 1st

[00:20:19] or even years after this

[00:20:20] and I'm just going to put it out there

[00:20:21] is that you can start this any day.

[00:20:27] Today could be your first day.

[00:20:32] Today can be your first day.

[00:20:34] Now in real time I'm talking about

[00:20:36] today is day five

[00:20:37] and a challenge from our hurt to hope

[00:20:40] 30-day challenge.

[00:20:42] Today's challenge involves writing a forgiveness letter.

[00:20:47] You see this isn't just about forgiving those who wronged us

[00:20:50] but it's also about forgiving those who wronged.

[00:20:54] It's about forgiving ourselves.

[00:20:57] I shared this earlier

[00:21:00] in a previous show

[00:21:02] about when,

[00:21:04] probably about 12-13 years ago

[00:21:06] when

[00:21:09] I was pregnant

[00:21:10] I was on bed rest the whole entire time

[00:21:12] and through that entire time

[00:21:14] that I was on bed rest for the whole entire nine months.

[00:21:19] Like I had cysts and fibroids

[00:21:21] and the cysts were the size of a baseball

[00:21:24] and steady growing

[00:21:26] along with my daughter, the fetus that was in.

[00:21:29] So I had to be on bed rest.

[00:21:31] Couldn't do anything, nothing.

[00:21:33] And I remember

[00:21:34] I couldn't do nothing but sit in and think

[00:21:39] nine months.

[00:21:41] So I created

[00:21:44] a prayer closet

[00:21:45] and within that prayer closet

[00:21:47] I remember going through my emotions

[00:21:51] and things in life

[00:21:54] asking God to forgive me.

[00:21:57] But then in the process, like now you need to start writing

[00:22:00] all the people that

[00:22:02] you need to forgive

[00:22:05] and all the people

[00:22:07] that you need to ask for forgiveness from.

[00:22:14] And what I did was

[00:22:15] the people that I needed to get forgiveness from

[00:22:19] I called each and every one of them.

[00:22:22] Not that I did anything wrong to them.

[00:22:25] And I'm going to tell you how

[00:22:26] what my forgiveness was for them is because

[00:22:29] once I got into the adult industry

[00:22:31] I kind of blocked them out emotionally.

[00:22:37] I blocked them out emotionally.

[00:22:39] I didn't allow them to be to

[00:22:42] continue to see me who is this woman, this little girl

[00:22:45] that grew up.

[00:22:48] Because in that moment in the beginning of that career

[00:22:51] when I got into the adult industry

[00:22:53] there was nothing but shame that I had on me

[00:22:56] so I couldn't allow them to see nothing past that shame

[00:23:01] that shame

[00:23:02] that it was like a mirror

[00:23:05] not a mirror but

[00:23:07] a shade that was in front of me a wall

[00:23:10] that you can see through me

[00:23:13] but it wasn't me. It wasn't the person who they grew to love.

[00:23:18] I didn't have the same attitude.

[00:23:19] I didn't have any of those. I was like in protective mode at all times

[00:23:24] and I knew that and I felt that

[00:23:28] because even in the conversations that I heard behind my back

[00:23:32] I'm like that's not even me.

[00:23:36] But see

[00:23:38] I had started to change

[00:23:42] and what I mean is change is that

[00:23:46] that shade

[00:23:47] it came on up and down and this is blocked all of them

[00:23:51] majority of them

[00:23:54] and so I wasn't being my real self

[00:23:57] and it was a lot of them that understood exactly what I meant

[00:24:00] and talked about

[00:24:00] and it was one that did not understand what I was talking about

[00:24:07] but I was able to ask them for their forgiveness in that manner

[00:24:12] but then

[00:24:13] I sat down and I wrote a forgiveness letter to myself

[00:24:22] and I still had that forgiveness letter to this day

[00:24:24] it's just packed away

[00:24:26] in storage

[00:24:29] and when I do finding

[00:24:30] when I go back to my storage and I find it

[00:24:32] I don't care what day or year it is

[00:24:35] I am going to take that letter

[00:24:37] and I'm going to post it

[00:24:40] because I remember

[00:24:41] I used to read that letter for a good year and a half

[00:24:46] I used to read that letter every day to myself

[00:24:50] because I needed to forgive myself

[00:24:54] because a lot of things that I put myself through

[00:24:58] that I've betrayed myself with

[00:25:02] so I knew I needed to forgive myself

[00:25:08] so when I say write down your feelings

[00:25:11] and express what's in your heart

[00:25:14] man

[00:25:14] when I say that it is a very powerful step towards your healing

[00:25:22] because that was

[00:25:25] that was a very powerful step

[00:25:30] towards my healing

[00:25:31] especially towards those ones that I felt did me wrong

[00:25:35] so I was able to understand a lot of things

[00:25:41] so I encourage you to share your experiences

[00:25:44] with this challenge

[00:25:45] whether you're on social media, email

[00:25:48] by sharing your incredible healing

[00:25:50] it can help others to feel less alone

[00:25:55] again that is why

[00:25:58] I did this series

[00:26:01] because I know firsthand

[00:26:04] how I allow my betrayal to stop me in my tracks

[00:26:09] if it wasn't for a few weeks ago

[00:26:11] when I went back and I listened to Untethered Soul

[00:26:15] I was like how do you go through this healing process

[00:26:18] how do you truly sit on this platform

[00:26:21] on this podcast that says self love

[00:26:23] the season of self love

[00:26:25] when somebody say a person's name

[00:26:30] you get so upset and irritated you close off

[00:26:34] how are you going to be able to tell them that

[00:26:37] how are you going to be able to teach them any of that

[00:26:39] when you can't even get past the betrayal that's been done to you

[00:26:48] when I say

[00:26:50] God the spirit be working on me

[00:26:52] it be working on me when I won't sleep

[00:26:55] meditation whatever

[00:26:57] I'm going to be walking down the street and hitting me in my head

[00:27:00] like see there it is

[00:27:02] I never also the amazing guest that's on this month

[00:27:08] when I say each one of these guests that I'm bringing on

[00:27:12] their stories are amazing

[00:27:16] their stories are amazing

[00:27:19] and just to see a glimpse of their life

[00:27:23] and how they came through betrayal

[00:27:25] and how they're using that betrayal as power

[00:27:30] to help others

[00:27:33] okay it's amazing

[00:27:35] my prayer is just you all

[00:27:37] the listeners here on this season of self love

[00:27:40] that you are able to connect with them in a way

[00:27:43] that it will help to inspire and encourage you

[00:27:46] to also heal beyond that

[00:27:50] that you can heal from the trauma that was caused by betrayal

[00:27:54] that you would use the resources

[00:27:56] that are given from you whether it is to talk with Dr. Will

[00:27:59] make up 15 you know free consultation

[00:28:02] with him and talk with him

[00:28:03] even with Melissa Bermusery

[00:28:08] or whoever else that we bring to you

[00:28:11] that you're able to connect with them

[00:28:14] as well as friends or family members

[00:28:17] who you truly trust and know

[00:28:19] that they will take your secret or that they would take your betrayal

[00:28:23] to the grave with them and not exploit you with it

[00:28:26] y'all understand what I'm saying

[00:28:29] so when I said the first day of this month

[00:28:31] I said we got you we got you

[00:28:36] I have no qualms about sharing my story

[00:28:39] whether I have been betrayed or I betrayed someone else

[00:28:43] I'm going to share it

[00:28:47] because I understand

[00:28:49] that betrayal that I did then

[00:28:52] I would dare not do that betrayal now

[00:28:56] and I would say why?

[00:28:58] because you just say no no

[00:29:02] back then I was a very defensive hurt

[00:29:05] like I led with

[00:29:07] Joe X that's how I led

[00:29:10] and then love came out

[00:29:13] you understand

[00:29:14] so through my healing process of understanding what all of betrayal means

[00:29:19] in every single one of the betrayals that happened to me

[00:29:22] I changed that to happen to me that happened for me

[00:29:27] I changed that from what's happening to me

[00:29:34] that is happening for me

[00:29:36] and I learned how to use that as gifts

[00:29:39] we talked about it last season

[00:29:45] about taking our obstacles

[00:29:49] in the lessons within there

[00:29:50] is taking them as tools and gifts

[00:29:53] and applying them to our life today

[00:29:56] nothing gets invited go through none of that

[00:29:59] but if I wasn't betrayed by none of them

[00:30:03] then I wouldn't be on this platform

[00:30:05] and be able to speak to you all about it

[00:30:13] yeah

[00:30:16] alright the next thing I'm going to touch on this a little bit

[00:30:19] from my ebook

[00:30:21] as I mentioned before I have an ebook

[00:30:24] called healing beyond betrayal

[00:30:27] a journey of empowerment

[00:30:30] of growth empowerment and renewal

[00:30:33] and it's 55 pages

[00:30:35] and I share my story I share my betrayals

[00:30:38] I share how I got into I share it all

[00:30:40] but also I have steps and strategies

[00:30:44] on how I got to my healing process

[00:30:47] and remember we are forever healing

[00:30:49] so even with this ebook in the worksheets

[00:30:52] this is something that you can do every day

[00:30:56] like you can finish the book

[00:30:58] and come back and do it again

[00:31:01] just like with the challenge

[00:31:03] you might be good for six months and there's something

[00:31:06] something triggers you know how subconsciously stuff

[00:31:08] come in your hand it can trigger you guess what you can go back

[00:31:12] hold on I purchased this ebook healing

[00:31:16] from Naomi a few months ago

[00:31:19] let me go get it down in my

[00:31:21] in my file oh I'm a part of the patreon

[00:31:26] I can go over here to the challenge

[00:31:30] and get it from there

[00:31:32] and I'll go through the challenge all over again

[00:31:35] if I want to see the video

[00:31:37] but then she gave me a nice little sheet with all 30 days

[00:31:43] so I got you

[00:31:45] I'll say we got you

[00:31:53] we got you

[00:31:57] so let me talk about this book in chapter 3

[00:32:01] healing beyond betrayal

[00:32:02] we talk about practical tips towards healing

[00:32:05] and it's very crucial to establish boundaries

[00:32:09] post betrayal

[00:32:10] so remember when I said when that friend of mine

[00:32:14] that we have betrayal but I had kind of like

[00:32:18] put my boundaries real I didn't cut her off

[00:32:20] I just gave boundaries

[00:32:22] and it was like okay you

[00:32:27] got to get yourself together first

[00:32:33] before we can

[00:32:36] continue to communicate in this matter

[00:32:43] and she received it and I loved her to

[00:32:46] I love her to this day it's because

[00:32:51] she didn't have no excuses

[00:32:53] or nothing she actually took accountability for her actions

[00:32:56] so when a person can take accountability for their actions

[00:32:59] right then and there and then go do the work

[00:33:05] and I see the work that's why I knew

[00:33:12] when she was doing that stuff all of that time

[00:33:14] I knew she was in a fucked up situation

[00:33:24] and remember I was talking about the family members

[00:33:28] the loved ones that did something

[00:33:30] now I'm able to heal

[00:33:31] now if you were to ask me this a few months ago before I listened to that book

[00:33:35] again

[00:33:37] I was like the door is closed it's only open to some

[00:33:41] the door is open

[00:33:44] it's open

[00:33:45] it's not open like it was but it's open

[00:33:51] because now I've now set boundaries

[00:34:00] now I know how to set boundaries

[00:34:03] with each one of them

[00:34:09] now I know to continue

[00:34:11] to allow my heart to stay open

[00:34:14] don't close it

[00:34:18] I have to allow the heart to go through

[00:34:21] let it bleed on out

[00:34:22] wipe it bleed let it bleed on out

[00:34:26] allow the fresh air to come in to start to heal me

[00:34:32] again

[00:34:35] we so used to when somebody hurt us cutting it off

[00:34:38] that's it bottle it in we keep it in

[00:34:42] I'm telling y'all that book by Michael A. Singer

[00:34:45] untill the soul

[00:34:48] yes my sister told me about this book

[00:34:51] a few years ago

[00:34:59] fabulous book amazing book

[00:35:01] and when you listen to it

[00:35:03] it would truly help you

[00:35:10] I'm telling you

[00:35:12] let me tell you what it feels like

[00:35:15] that book was the icing on it

[00:35:18] you put the strawberry on top of

[00:35:21] you know like that

[00:35:24] that was the strawberry

[00:35:25] so let me tell you something

[00:35:27] me opening up the season of self love to have guests on

[00:35:30] for this season that was a spring

[00:35:32] on top of the we gonna do a Sunday

[00:35:35] on top of you know on top of the Sunday

[00:35:38] and in that book when I got that message to read that

[00:35:41] book to listen to it a few days before I went back home to Chicago

[00:35:45] and I was like you know

[00:35:45] that was a cherry on top

[00:35:47] that is what I needed

[00:35:50] to not only to get through that weekend

[00:35:53] to have a different perspective but also

[00:35:57] sit here

[00:35:58] on this platform and be able to

[00:36:01] real authentic with y'all

[00:36:05] how can I be able to tell y'all about healing beyond betrayal

[00:36:09] while I still hear some feeling me

[00:36:11] that I hadn't healed from

[00:36:14] that I hadn't even attempted to heal from

[00:36:18] Naomi how did you do that in a few weeks

[00:36:20] or a few days

[00:36:23] well no that there was work that was done way before that

[00:36:26] but then that's also about me taking accountability for me

[00:36:33] not blaming

[00:36:34] them for what they did

[00:36:36] but understanding me on how I react

[00:36:41] on how I allowed it

[00:36:43] to disturb my peace

[00:36:50] see when we're talking about self love we talk about self awareness

[00:36:53] we talk about taking accountability of what we allow

[00:36:57] in our lives that's what we do

[00:37:05] when you going through self love

[00:37:09] when you falling in love with yourself

[00:37:13] when you searching for peace

[00:37:17] happiness

[00:37:19] abundance of life

[00:37:21] when you want to surround yourself with good people

[00:37:24] when you want to walk out of door and you want your light to shine

[00:37:28] if you're her people know oh she healing

[00:37:31] oh she good she got self love

[00:37:33] oh yeah

[00:37:35] and seeing that what that does is attract

[00:37:38] other people in other forms like that

[00:37:46] see Dr. Will had said it before

[00:37:47] he said you know you walk in your healing

[00:37:51] yeah

[00:37:53] today you see me in this new hat

[00:37:56] just one of my favorite hats

[00:38:00] and some days you see me on social media with my locks

[00:38:03] no makeup

[00:38:05] raggedy t-shirt, raggedy jeans

[00:38:08] sometimes I got cut off shorts with my cellulite

[00:38:12] and I'm not sure what I'm doing

[00:38:13] but what that's doing is showing

[00:38:19] that I'm not really caring with nobody thinking

[00:38:24] because I still know that I'm fabulous and I'm a goddess

[00:38:27] and I understand what God has used in me for

[00:38:31] and it feels good

[00:38:32] it feels good to be that way

[00:38:34] because I spend majority of my life in front of a camera

[00:38:39] looking for validation from others

[00:38:42] and I no longer do that

[00:38:45] it can be five or ten people listening to this podcast

[00:38:49] and I don't care

[00:38:51] meaning because it's supposed to touch who is supposed to touch

[00:38:56] period

[00:39:00] whatever God allows me to do allows for me

[00:39:06] and abundance and prosperity

[00:39:07] it's gonna come to me

[00:39:10] I just gotta continue to keep doing this

[00:39:13] you know what because I love this

[00:39:16] this what makes me feel good

[00:39:18] when we were on our break

[00:39:20] man I was like I miss it

[00:39:23] but I knew I had to be obedient

[00:39:26] meaning that I had to sin in it because I knew what I was doing

[00:39:29] in the second season

[00:39:32] I knew that there would be different challenges per series

[00:39:35] per month

[00:39:37] I knew there would be ebooks per month

[00:39:41] there will be courses per month

[00:39:44] I will be standing on stages and speaking

[00:39:47] so I had to do my own work

[00:39:49] more work

[00:39:51] because again this assignment

[00:39:55] and its purpose is much bigger than me

[00:39:58] that he will put me into rooms

[00:40:00] where I will no longer be the smartest person

[00:40:04] where I will no longer be the one with the most

[00:40:06] experience

[00:40:08] that I will be in a place that I have to come

[00:40:12] ready so when somebody is reaching their hand out

[00:40:14] to uplift me and pull me up

[00:40:17] that I'm right there with confidence holding their hand as they lift me up

[00:40:22] does that make sense

[00:40:26] so when I'm talking about this ebook

[00:40:28] of this healing beyond the chapter 3

[00:40:32] it's the foundation

[00:40:34] boundaries

[00:40:37] post betrayal

[00:40:38] so if I'm continuing these relationships

[00:40:45] with the person who betrayed me

[00:40:49] I could communicate with my limits

[00:40:51] clearly, confidently

[00:40:53] so now I ain't got a block nobody no more

[00:41:03] so that beautiful young lady that family member of mine

[00:41:06] who I got into like whatever

[00:41:09] if she was to reach out to me today, tomorrow

[00:41:12] or five months from now, years from now

[00:41:15] I'm able to hey, yeah let's talk

[00:41:20] because I've checked myself

[00:41:25] not giving them no excuse

[00:41:28] but to understand that it wasn't even about me

[00:41:31] that it was them and then I'm about to go

[00:41:35] further than this with it

[00:41:41] and if you hadn't got beyond that what can I do to help you

[00:41:44] how can I assist you

[00:41:46] and that's just being real

[00:41:51] when you able to step beyond that

[00:41:56] yeah, now I'm with it

[00:41:59] I just want to look further

[00:42:01] I just want to look further with that one

[00:42:04] now I don't know Dr. Will might be listening today

[00:42:07] we'll talk about it later

[00:42:11] but y'all get the gist of what I'm saying right

[00:42:14] I hope y'all do, I really do hope y'all get the gist

[00:42:17] of what I'm saying with this

[00:42:21] yeah, I do

[00:42:24] I really do

[00:42:26] you know

[00:42:27] with this chapter on chapter three

[00:42:31] when I said it took me I was gone for three months

[00:42:35] for three months and

[00:42:37] that would be the last time I would take a break like that

[00:42:39] and I needed to, like I said I had to come back and elevate

[00:42:42] because this is the season of stuff love is much bigger

[00:42:45] than what I can ever imagine

[00:42:47] was started off as a monthly series for

[00:42:50] Axe Naomi Bridging the Gap

[00:42:51] it's supposed to be done every Tuesday for four weeks

[00:42:55] turned into a daily show

[00:43:01] I think we were like on

[00:43:02] episode 136

[00:43:05] when I stopped the first season

[00:43:11] in one season

[00:43:15] rocking by myself for the first half of it

[00:43:19] and if you knew to what I'm saying

[00:43:23] one day I sat in front of my altar and I asked God

[00:43:26] and my spiritual team around me I was like

[00:43:29] hey this is where you sell, I need help

[00:43:31] and not only did they send me help

[00:43:36] they sent me somebody with a degree

[00:43:39] a professional therapist

[00:43:43] but not only dealing with adults

[00:43:45] but he deal with children as well

[00:43:50] yes but not only that

[00:43:52] but he brought me somebody that not only trusts me

[00:43:56] on this journey

[00:43:58] but also open up about his own stuff

[00:44:05] so he can also come from an experience point

[00:44:07] but also from the book, book sense of it

[00:44:11] and he got his degree on it

[00:44:17] so all I see right now is God just aligning

[00:44:21] everybody there

[00:44:23] around me, my village of people

[00:44:26] like I said amazing guest this month

[00:44:29] amazing

[00:44:32] allow me to open up, let me share this with you

[00:44:35] I'm going to be very open

[00:44:38] a few months ago I got an email from this guy named Alex

[00:44:43] he's the owner and creator of PODmatch

[00:44:47] PODmatch is a platform

[00:44:49] where there are

[00:44:52] podcasters that are looking for guests

[00:44:55] and this is where publicist

[00:44:57] people that's looking to be on certain podcasts

[00:45:02] and he reached out to me

[00:45:04] and he said wow you did 136 episodes

[00:45:06] he said I would love to know how you did all that

[00:45:09] that's amazing

[00:45:10] he told me to take a test

[00:45:13] I took a test

[00:45:14] and I took a free class that he offered me

[00:45:18] a free class

[00:45:19] I took that

[00:45:21] and I was like wow when I started to look at it I said wow let me sign up for this

[00:45:27] sign up for this

[00:45:29] probably about 10 minutes later I had like 10 people

[00:45:32] I would love to be and I went to

[00:45:35] look at all of their profile

[00:45:38] I'm like oh my god

[00:45:41] this is amazing

[00:45:44] this gave me a gateway to meet people

[00:45:46] that I would never have met if I just kept

[00:45:49] this season of self love clothes I just stayed in my space

[00:45:52] and never went anywhere

[00:45:58] but I'm telling you how powerful their prayer can be

[00:46:00] how powerful manifestation can be

[00:46:06] but honestly

[00:46:09] truly the only way that I was able to happen

[00:46:13] is because I was able to

[00:46:15] go beyond the betrayal

[00:46:18] in my life

[00:46:19] I didn't hold on to those betrayals

[00:46:23] how I'm able to tell you the story of them now because I've gotten through them

[00:46:27] and so I don't have any disdain

[00:46:30] in my voice

[00:46:31] that's why I can laugh at it and laugh at myself

[00:46:36] because of my reactions

[00:46:38] and I'm like girl did you react like a girl now you know

[00:46:42] I understand that how

[00:46:44] my betrayal that I dealt with in myself

[00:46:48] I wouldn't do that no more

[00:46:50] as well as betraying anybody else

[00:46:53] so even that story that I shared with you about my first husband

[00:46:56] betraying me but guess what I betrayed him too

[00:47:02] just because it doesn't matter who did what first

[00:47:05] I had a choice

[00:47:08] I could have easily walked away from that

[00:47:12] and not did any harm to nobody

[00:47:16] because even in that process

[00:47:19] I heard him as well

[00:47:21] does that make sense

[00:47:24] see this is the part of the healing that people don't want to talk about either

[00:47:29] but this is for another day

[00:47:32] this is for another day

[00:47:33] because guess what y'all we have come to the end of this

[00:47:37] of this episode yes we have

[00:47:39] so we're going to wrap this episode up today and I want you to remember the importance

[00:47:43] of self love through this healing process

[00:47:46] and I want you to participate in day 5 challenge

[00:47:48] I want you to reflect on the insights of chapter 3

[00:47:52] of my ebook

[00:47:53] day 5 challenge of her to hope

[00:47:56] if you haven't signed up go sign up now

[00:47:58] the season of self love

[00:47:59] podcast.com you can go there

[00:48:02] there's a link always a link for that

[00:48:05] there

[00:48:07] and also chapter 3 of my ebook

[00:48:10] healing beyond betrayal a journey of

[00:48:15] growth empowerment

[00:48:17] and renewal

[00:48:18] and if you haven't signed up

[00:48:22] this is where you

[00:48:24] right now you're listening to me but you can see me

[00:48:28] and also I will be putting up little posty things

[00:48:30] up there and stuff like that

[00:48:32] we got a lot of good things that come created from that

[00:48:36] as well

[00:48:37] and again I am excited about this new season

[00:48:40] I'm excited about all the new guests throughout the whole

[00:48:43] entire season when I say this year

[00:48:46] we ended it off with a bang

[00:48:48] this fall going to be falling we're going to be falling in love with ourselves

[00:48:53] that we're definitely going to be

[00:48:55] falling in love with ourselves through this fall season

[00:48:58] going into the winter season

[00:49:00] coming back around in the spring and the summer

[00:49:03] y'all going to be in love with yourselves and y'all going to tell somebody

[00:49:07] to come over here and go fall in love with yourself

[00:49:10] but it will fall in love with Naomi and her people over there

[00:49:13] that's what y'all are going to say

[00:49:14] alright about beautiful people

[00:49:19] so tomorrow we're going to explore more things

[00:49:22] next we won't explore new dimensions of healing

[00:49:25] so until then again share your thoughts and your stories

[00:49:28] give us a review let me know how I'm doing

[00:49:31] let me know if you have any more topics or

[00:49:33] you might possibly want us to do

[00:49:37] a topic for a whole series of something that you might be going through

[00:49:40] that you want us to share

[00:49:41] let me know

[00:49:44] let's keep this conversation going

[00:49:46] again I thank you for joining me on this journey of self-discovery and healing

[00:49:51] and I want you to remember that you are not alone

[00:49:54] but you are always worthy of love

[00:49:57] again thank you all for tuning in to the season of self love

[00:50:00] and be sure to subscribe leave a review

[00:50:02] and share this podcast with anyone who you might find

[00:50:06] that is helpful because see your feedbacks

[00:50:09] and your stories inspire our episodes

[00:50:11] and it helps us grow together so stay tuned for more episodes

[00:50:15] that are more inspiring and encouraging

[00:50:18] you to live your best life

[00:50:20] so until next time take care of yourselves and each other

[00:50:26] thank you for joining us on this journey of discovery

[00:50:29] and empowerment here at the season of self love podcast

[00:50:32] remember embracing self love is a continuous journey

[00:50:36] and we're so glad to have you with us

[00:50:38] so if you enjoyed today's episode

[00:50:40] please leave us a review

[00:50:42] and don't forget to join our community on Facebook

[00:50:45] at season of self love connect with like minded individuals

[00:50:49] who are also on their self love journey

[00:50:52] now if you have any questions or topics that you would like for us to explore

[00:50:55] we'd love to hear from you

[00:50:57] email us at seasonofselfloveatgmail.com

[00:51:01] and let your voice be heard

[00:51:03] so until next time take a moment for yourself today

[00:51:07] and remember you are worthy of love, joy

[00:51:10] and all the beautiful things that life has to offer