Community as Your Mirror: What Your Relationships Reveal About You | Mindset Monday

You know what I learned. The people around you are random, They're mirrors. Every single person in your community is reflecting something. It is reflecting something back to you, your light, your shadows, your growth, your edges. Some mirrors are comfortable, some are not so much, but. All of them, all. Of them are teaching you something about yourself. Welcome back to the Season and self Love. I am Naomi, and today we're talking. About the community as your mirrors. This one going to your different Let's dive in. Welcome to the Season of Self Love podcast, the Season of Healing Intentionally. I am your host, Naomi Banks, and I am so glad that you are here. This season, we are slowing down to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, we're creating a space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and the kind of self love that transformed from the inside out. This podcast is brought to you by Axs, Naomi and Elevate Me Self Discovery. Well, we believe that loving yourself intentionally is a foundation of true transformation. So whether you're on your own journey of rebirth, navigating life transitions, or simply choosing yourself, this is your safe space. So get comfort grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally because you've deserved to embrace that. Beautiful person that you are. Now let's get started, all right, my beautiful people will welcome back show the Season and Self Love Podcast. I'm your host, Naomi Bangs, and we are in our third week of this series right now, and it's all about gratitude. It's all about giving back here in this month. And so this one right here, HiT's a little different. It really does. Because just this morning I was strolling through social media and I actually saw about your surroundings, your community of people, and how they are a reflection of you. And so this is so fitting that we are talking about this this week. All right. So before we get into this topic, let's get a little comfortable. Right, let's get a little comfortable. I want you do, guys, to close your eyes because we're gonna ground ourselves first. All right, We're gonna ground ourselves. So wherever you are at this moment, at this time, if you feel comfortable to do so, to close your eyes and get comfortable for this moment. All right, deep breath, then through your nose, hold it for a moment that really says slowly through your again, breathing through your nose, hold now through your mouth. Yes. Now, I want you to think about of someone in your community who truly sees you, someone who accepts you exactly as you are, someone in whose presence that you can't exhale and just be. I want you to feel that. I want you to feel that recognition, that acceptance, that belonging. I want you to notice the warmth in your chest. I want you to notice the ease in your body. Now, I want you to think of someone who challenged you. I wanted to think of someone who challenge you, someone who triggers something in you. Maybe they frustrate you, maybe they make you defensel. Maybe being around them brings up emotions that you'd rather not feel. I want you to notice that feeling too. Don't judge it, just notice it. Now, here's what I want you to understand. Both are mirrors. Both are teachers. The person who sees you and celebrates you, they're reflecting your light. They're showing you what you've grown into and what you've become, what's beautiful about you that you might not see yourself. And then the person, the person who triggers you. They're reflecting your shadows. They're pointing to your healing edges, the place where you still have work to do, the person of yourself that are still learning to accept. Both are necessary and both our gifts, even when one feels a lot less comfortable than the other. Community reflects back to us what we need to see, our light and our shadows, our growth and our edges. So for this next breath, I want you to breathe in connection. Let it feel your lungs, let it feel your heart, let it feel your spirit. And then when you breathe. Out, I want you to breathe out isolation. I want you to release the lie that you were meant to walk this journey alone out of island. You're a part of a web. You are a part of a network. You are a part of a community, and. Every person in that web is teaching you something about yourself. You see, your community is your classroom, and you are both the student and the teacher. So now I want you to take one more deeper than re Listen, and when you are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, my beautiful people, well happen Monday, My loved ones, welcome back to the season and self love. We are three weeks into our November, three weeks into our Giving Back series, and today we are going somewhere tender. We're talking about community, and not just community in the abstract. We're talking about how people around you are literally showing. You who you are. You know, community has been my lifeline, but it also has been my mirror and sometimes that Mira has shown me things that I did not want to see. So let me take you on a little journey with me all right from California to Vegas, through loss and rebirth, through living in the adult industry and finding my voice in the healing work, through my explant surgery and the unraveling in the rebuilding that came with it. You see, every step of that journey, I had a community reflecting back to me on who I was becoming. My daughters, watching them navigate their own lives has shown me what I passed down, both the medicine and the wounds. And my granddaughter seeing her grow reminds me daily on why my healing work matters. She's watching me, she's learning from me, and that's a mirror that I can't ignore. And my chosen family doctor will My podcast guests the women in my dms sharing their stories, the men in my DM sharing my story that they reflect back the purpose that I am living into, and my listeners my community here, you reflect back my authenticity when you tell me that that episode changed something in me, or that I've never heard anyone talk about this, so honestly, you're showing me that the vulnerability that I'm scared to share is actually my power. That's the thing about community. It doesn't just support you, it reveals you. So today we're going to explore on how community teaches us about ourselves, the beautiful lessons, the uncomfortable ones. But because growth happens, it happens in both. All right, all right, so let's talk about our community. Let's start with the beautiful part of community and how it reflects our growth. The people around you can see your elevation in ways that you can't see yourself, because when you're in the thick of growing, when you're in that daily grind of becoming, you don't always recognize how far you've come. But your community, they remember who you used to be and they can see who you're becoming. I think about my podcast community, the people who've been listening to asks Naomi from the beginning, and the ones who watched this show the season and self love come to life. They've sent me messages in saying things like, Naomi, I remember when you first started talking about your explant journey. You were so nervous, and now look at you. You're helping hundreds of women navigate theirs. Or I've been following you since your California days, the growth is incredible. You're not the same person, and you know what, They're right, I am not the same person. But I needed them to tell me this. Because from the inside, growth can feel so slow. It can feel like you are barely moving, like you are still, like you are stuck in the same patterns, the same struggle. But then someone from. Your community holds up a mirror and says, do you not see how much you've changed? Do you not see how much lighter you are, how much more authentic, how much more free? And that's what community does. It's witnessing your transformation, and it reflects back to you. I want you to think about your own life life. Who in your community has watched you grow? Who has celebrated your evolution? Maybe it's a friend who knew you before your healing journey started. Maybe it's a coworker who's watched you set boundaries for the first time, or maybe it's a family member who's seen you break generational patterns. But those people, they're not just your cheerleaders. They're mirrors. They're showing you evidence of your growth that you might not be able to see on your own. It's not just about big transformation. Sometimes community reflects daily growth too. My podcast listeners, when they engage with the contact, when they share their own stories and response, and when they tag me and post about their breakthrough, that's them reflecting back my purpose. That's them confirming, yes, this work matters, Yes you're on the right path. And that feedback it's not just nice to hear, but it's necessary because sometimes we need our community to remind us of why we're doing what we're doing, especially on those hard days man, especially when we're questioning ourselves, especially when that inner critic is so loud. That's when the community step says and says, we see your like girl, even when you can't. So here's what I want you to take from this. I want you to pay attention to what. Your community celebrates about you. I want you to pay attention to what they consistently affirm, because that's showing you your growth, your gifts, your impact. I don't want you to dismiss it. I don't want you to downplay it. I don't want you to say, oh, they just being nice. No, they're being honest. They are reflecting your truth back to you. I want you to receive it. I want you to let it land. Let your community show you how far that you've come. Now, let's talk about the uncomfortable. That uncomfortable mirror, the one that shows us our shadows, because community doesn't just reflect our growth, it also reveals our triggers. And listen, O, this part isn't fun, This parton is helly, y'all, but it's very. It's very, very necessary. Here's the truth. What bothers you and others often points to your own healing edge. Let me say that again. What bothers you and others often points to your own healing edge. Not always, but sometimes people are just being harmful or toxic and your reaction is appropriate. But often, more often then we want to admit the things that trigger us, the things that make us defensive, of angry, or uncomfortable. I pointed to something. Unhealed in us. So let me give you an example from my own life. When I first started my healing journey, I was triggered by a woman who seemed to have it all together, women who appear confident, hold it bothered me in a way that I couldn't quite articulate. I couldn't understand it. And for a while I told myself, they're fake, they're performing, nobody actually healing like that. But the truth. I wasn't triggered by their fakeness. I was triggered by what they represented, a version of wholeness that I didn't think that I that. Was possible for me. They were reflecting back in my own belief that I was too broken, that I was too messy, that I was too far gone to ever get there. That's that mirror, that's that lesson. Once I recognized that, once I could say, oh, first of all, this is and about them, this is about my own insecurity, I could start healing that wound. I could start believing that maybe I'm not too broken, maybe wholeness is possible for me too. And see, that's how community reveals our edges. That's how conflict and discomfort become opportunities for growth. Now, I want to be clear about something. I'm not saying that you should tolerate harmful behavior or stay in toxic relationships for the sake of learning lessons. No, but I'm saying, pay attention, pay attention to your patterns, pay attention to what consistently triggers you across different people and situations, because that's data. That is the data, data, or however you want to say for you. Because if you are triggered by people who set boundaries, that might be pointing to you that your own difficulty with boundaries, that you have your own difficulty with boundaries. If you trigger by. People who take up space, that might be pointing to your own belief that you're not allowed to take up space. And if you're trigger by people who speak about their success, that might be pointing to your own feeling of inadequacy. So you see how that works. So let me share another example that's really personal. So, when I started speaking publicly about my explant journeying about breast illness, I encounter a lot of medical gaslighting, Doctors dismissing my symptoms, people questioning whether it be I was even real, and I was triggered. Yeah, I was triggered. But here's the thing. My community validated my experience. Other women who've been through it said, I believe you because I experienced the same thing. Your story is my story, And that validation helped me to recognize that my trigger wasn't just about the gas lighting itself, that it was about a deeper wound around being believed, about being taken seriously, about being seen as credible. That's a wound that I carry from my days in the adult industry. That's the wound from being dismissed and being dehumanized. So when doctors when the gaslighted me about BII, it wasn't just about that moment. It was touching my own wounds and my community by believing me, by validating me, it helped me to start to heal. It helped me to start to heal that deeper you know, that's power. That's the power of community acting as a mirror. It doesn't just trigger you, it can also help you to heal. What's been triggered. So here's what I want you to sit with this weekend, what triggers you and what might be teaching you now so you can fix yourself, not so you can shame yourself for being triggered, but so you can recognize the invitation to heal. Every trigger is a teacher. Every uncomfortable mirror is showing you where you still have to work. You have work to do, and when you can approach that with curiosity instead of defensiveness, what compassion instead of shame, that's been real. That's when real transformation happens. Now here's what I'm committed to. I'm committed to creating a safe space where we can look in those mirrors comfortably and uncomfortably without judgment. Because here's what I've learned. You can't do work in unsafe spaces. You can't be vulnerable when you're worried about being judged. You can't explore your shadows when you are afraid of being shame. That's why I'm so attentional about the spaces that I create. The Season of Self Love, podcast, Body Choice and Voice, my coaching work, even my social media presence. These are compassionate, judgment free zones. Not because we avoid hard conversation, but because we have those horror conversations with care. So let me talk specifically about women from the industry because this is personal for me. When I was in the in the in the industry, I didn't have safe spaces to talk about my journey. I didn't have people who I can hold both truths that I was a person deserving of dignity and that I was in a situation that I needed to heal from. Other people. Demonize me. They demonize me. They made me feel bad about my choices. They say, you made bad choices, you're damage, you should be ashamed. You would never have a husband, you were never having the kids, you would never. Be worthy of a woman like These are things that people used to say, or they glorify the industry in ways that didn't honor my complex reality. Yes I am a. Very sexual person. Yes I'm very sensual person. Yes I'm very spiritual. But in all of that, it did not honor mine. Reality. There was no middle ground, There was no nuance. There was no space for me to be both and instead or either or you know what I mean. So now I do create that space for other women, for other people who need to be seen in their full humanity, for women who are healing from the industry, from men that are healing from the industry, from women who are navigating this shame and the stigma in the reconstruction of that identity. That's why my safe spaces are so important because I know what it's like to not have them. And here's what safe spaces do. They allow community to function as a mirror without that mirror being weaponized. In an unsafe space, when your community reflects your triggers back to you, it feels like an attack, it feels like judgment, it feels like you want to hide. But in a safe space, when your community reflects your triggers back to you, it can feel like an imitation, like care, like we see you and we're here to help you to heal this. That's the difference. That's the difference. So if you're in a building com community, whether it's a formal space or just your circle of friends, at yourself and my creating safety and my creating a space for people to be messy and still belong, am I holding nuance because that's what real community does. It doesn't demand perfection, it doesn't require you to have it all figure out. It just requires you to show up honestly, and it promised to reflect you back to yourself with compassion. That's the kind of community that I'm building. That's the kind of community that I hope that you are a part of. So now I want to close out this main content about talking about chosen family, because sometimes the most important mirrors in our lives aren't the people that we're related to by blood, because blood doesn't always mean family, and family doesn't always mean blood. I've learned these deeply over the years. Some of the most profound relationship the ones that have shaped me, helped me and reflected me with people I chose, people who chose me back. Doctor Will, for example, my friendship with him has been a mirror of what the healthy, authentic cross ginger friendship looks like. He's challenged me, he celebrated me, and he's shown me what it means to. Be truly seen. My podcast casts, women who sit with me and share their stories are so vulnerable. The men here that sit with me, that share their stories so vulnerable. Every conversation is a mirror. They show me aspects of human experience, aspects of healing, aspects of courage that expand my own understanding. And let me say this, even my followers, my followers who have watched me actively in the adult industry, to being an entrepreneur, to being a podcaster, two beings, a life coach, to me doing all of these things. And I love to hear when they say thank you for sharing that we look forward to your positive posts. We love to see your journey. Part of them are my chosen family and my listeners. You are all my chosen family. You've chosen to show up here every week after week, and in your messages, your comments, your willingness to be vulnerable. In return, you reflect back my purpose. That's chosen family. That's to try, that's finding people. And I want to say this, I have two particular people that I literally met. One I met online and one was following me back in my chocolate radio days way back. And one of the beautiful people women, I've never met her before, never, but she's been very supportive in every journey. So this has to be over fifteen years. Fifteen years that our conversations and the dms have been amazing as we found out that we both are libras, so I call her my libres system, and you know, it's just amazing on how that relationship has come to be of what it is, and so I know that she chose me. I chose her, but I also know that she chose me. And the thing is she chose me first. And then another beautiful soul that I met through social media, well actually through only fans at the ending of my just being active in the adult industry in that form and had came to be an amazing friend and amazing sister. And I've actually had the chance. To meet her and spend time with her a few times, and just the way that we empower and encourage one another has been amazing. And I that's one of my. Chosen friends chosen family. But here's what's powerful about chosen family is that they see you because they chose to, because they choose to. You know what I mean, not out an obligation. Not because they have to, but because they want to. So when someone chooses you, when they actively decide to say I see you, I celebrate you, I want to be in community with you, that is different. That is different. That reflects the truth that maybe your family or your origin never showed you and you are worthy of being chosen. So if you're someone who's had to build chosen family because of your blood family didn't feel safe, I see you, I see you, I am you, and I want you to know that there's no shame in that. There's only power, the power of saying I deserve a community that honors me, and if I wasn't born into that, I'll create it. That's what I've done, That's what so many of us have to do. And the beautiful thing is that when you build a chosen family, when you could create your tribe, when you become a mirror for others too, you show them what's possible. You show them that belonging is available, and you show them that they can be seen and celebrated exactly as they are. And that's the gift, that's the ripple effect that we keep talking about. So wherever you are in your journey of finding your people, building your tribe, creating your chosen family, trust the process. Trust that the right mirrors will show up, and trust that you'll know them when you see them. Because when you find your people, when you find that community that truly sees you and holds you and challenge you and celebrates you, everything changes because you realize I am not alone, I am not too much, and I am not too broken. I am exactly who I am supposed to be and I am reflected into myself in love. In love. All right, So let's bring this into our daily life with some practical tools. For this week, I write, so reflection, I'm going to reflect on this who in my commune mirrors my growth? I want you to think about the people in your life, close friends, family, chosen family, colleagues, even people you interact with online. Then I want you to ask who consistently sees your growth, who celebrates your evolution, and who reminds you of how far that you've come. I want to write their names down, maybe even reach out to them this week and thank them for being that mirror, because sometimes sometimes we forget to acknowledge the people who witness our journey. Let them know that they matter. And then here's a journal prod What triggers me and what does it teach me? What triggers me and what is it teaching me? This one requires honesty. I want to think about a recent moment when you felt trigger defensive, angry or and coomfortable and you want to shut down what was the situation, who was involved? What pacifically bothered you? And then I want you to ask, what might this be teaching me about myself. What healing edge is this pointing too? I want to remember the goal isn't to shame yourself, No, it's not. It's to explore with curiosity. It's to say, oh, it's interesting, Oh what can I learn here? In your action, I want you to reach out to someone in your community with gratitude, simple but powerful. Choose one person who's been a mirror for you, someone who's reflected your growth, someone who's created safety, someone who's chosen you, and I want you to send them a message, tell them what they mean to you, tell them how they impacted your journey. And it doesn't have to be long. It just has to be honest. That act of gratitude strength community. It reminds both you and them why their connection matters. Plus, imagine receiving a message like that. Imagine someone telling you you've been a mirror for me. You help me see myself more clearly. That's powerful. That's the kind of energy that we want to create in our communities. That is the kind of energy that we want to create in our communities. All right, my beautiful people, But before we close this ground, in this truth together, all right, I want to put the hand on your heart and take a deep breath then, and I want you to repeat these words with me. I am worthy of community that sees me, celebrates me, and challenge me to grow. I release the need to walk along. I embraced the mirror around me, both comfortable and uncomfortable. As teachers, I create and attract safe spaces where authenticity thrives. My community is my strength, and I am a reflection of love and growth for others. Together, we rise together, we heal, together, we transform. Now let that settle in your spirit. You are not alone. You are a part of something bigger. All right, My beautiful people, I want to thank you. Thank you for just being here. Thank you for being a part of this community. Thank you for being a mirror for both me and for each other. Community is everything, and the fact that you are here, that you are showing up, that you are willing to look in the mirror and do the work. That matters, that matters, all right. Next week, we got one more Monday in this series, and we're going to close out on giving back Sivery Strong. But this week I want you to focus on your community, reflect. On the mirrors around you, and reach out with write itude. If this episode has resonated, I want you to share with your community, tag someone who has been a mirror to you. Let's create more connection, more awareness, more healing together. So until next time, I want you to remember that you are seeing, that you are. Chosen, that you are a part of this beautiful, messy, powerful web of connection. And that's everything. I love you. Now, go and appreciate your community and let them appreciate you. This is the season that's a love and I'm not a banks see who it is. I'm an amazing, amazing da. Thank you so much for joining me today on this journey of intentional here. I hope that this conversation has filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and worthy person that you are. I want you to remember healing isn't about rushing. It's about showing up for yourself with love and intention, one day. At a time. So I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another episode of the Season of Healing Intentionally right here on the Season of Self Love podcast. So until then, keep choosing you and visit us at the Season of Self Love podcast dot com for show notes and resources, and remember to connect with me on Instagram at. The Real Naomi Banks. This has been brought to you by Acts Naomi and elevating me self discovery because. Your healing matters. You are loved, you are worthy, and you are exactly where you need to be. Take care